To think that I can go to this baby class?

[Gerbera55]

Background info:
A friend and I are both teachers so have an understanding of how language development works and how important it is. I am a mum to a 12 week old.
My council have released information about a language development focus baby class they are going to run at a local children’s centre. They haven’t announced cost yet, but based on other classes I have seen, it will likely be free or very low cost.
I saw my friend today and she asked about any classes I have been doing with baby. I told her about the baby massage and sensory classes I have been doing. I mentioned the language development class to her and she told me she thinks I shouldn’t go because I know how to support my baby’s language development, so I should leave the spaces for mums from low income families who can’t afford classes or for those parents who need support with language development.
In one sense I can see where she’s coming from, but equally my maternity pay won’t stretch to the more expensive classes for much longer and also I want to do as much as possible to support my child’s language development, especially with them being August born.

AIBU?

Why do you think the locals weren't interested?

Yep!

I think you're really wrong about what they're for and the purpose of them. Some better-off parents - even, shock, "professionals!" - do actually need this help. But you're being so unpleasant about people I don't know why I'm bothering engaging with you actually, nobody decent enjoys stereotyping and dismissing people to the extent you seem to be revelling in, even if they think they're punching up.

You've clearly got some kind of chip on your shoulder or are deeply unhappy within yourself to be going on like this..

"But the truth is the world is run by people who show up."

I'd amend that to "people who can show up." Then we start getting into conversations about why some parents might find it easier to show up than others and we are back to social privilege.

No I'm just talking about the realities of being a parent in a worsening financial climate.

I’d be interested to know what your HV says OP.

We’re currently TTC and the main place for baby classes where we live is the local children’s centre so have been wondering about this. We earn good money so aren’t in need of govt support but I don’t know anyone in the same life stage near us, all my friends don’t want kids and work full time. I guess I might be in for a lonely mat leave if we’re lucky enough to have a baby!

I don't think I am being unpleasant. I think i am just vocalising what happens in a lot of people's experience of navigating these areas of the system.

I think this is blinkered. I do not struggle with language - I'm a writer, have masters, etc etc - but both my sons were very late with language. Once they picked it up they were fine, but if I'd had a class like this nearby I might well have gone and I would defend my right to do so. How was I to know they would be fine in the end? I'm sorry you've only seen this with developmental delays or terrible parenting, but I don't believe either were true in my case. Just because you've never seen it doesn't mean it doesn't happen. Also, why would someone automatically know about how children develop language, just because we use it ourselves? I don't remember learning how to talk. I think it pays not to be arrogant and assume we know everything. If OP thinks the class will better equip her to help her child with language then the class is for her.

@YourLuckyBrickOttergood question. Many reasons, I suspect. Like I mentioned, it was a deprived area so many people had varying degrees of problems in their lives. I strongly felt that because many of the local mothers had social services involvement, they were inclined to stay away from any extra ‘exposure’ to services for fear that they might do/say something that may be judged or used against them later.

btw, reading this and my other post back I think my use of the word “local” makes no sense to anyone except me. I just used it subconsciously as I remember using all the local connections I had to spread the word (it was a very Local Large Village for Local People).

It’s not up to your friend to decide if you should go to these classes. The council will set eligibility criteria if they want to target certain demographics. If they haven’t, then you should go if you want to.

Personally I’m with your friend, these free classes I always left for those who couldn’t afford to pay for classes & for people who needed them more than I did.

If there are no eligibility criteria etc then there is nothing actually stopping you attending though, it’s just that I personally wouldn’t.

I am also facing those realities. Teachers aren’t immune to the cost of living crisis. Am I saying I’m not better off than some? Not at all, but my financial situation isn’t all that good either.

I honestly feel like I can’t win. This isn’t all on this thread but in other areas - I’m judged for planning to go back to work full time (to educate others’ children, mind) and putting my child in nursery to do so. I’m told I’m letting my child down by not staying at home
with them to support them. Then I want to do a class to support them and I’m judged!

I work for the council and have worked in Children's Centres. I think you should go. They need high numbers to justify running courses like this, I've seen classes cut because the numbers were low. There's a chance you going would actually benefit the less fortunate because the more people showing interest and attending the more likely it is that it will continue.

Well you have already said you have an understanding of how language development works. This is a council-run course and will cover the basics at most. I would almost guarantee it will be things like

• don’t look at your phone all day
• don’t stick baby in front of a screen regularly
• talk to them all the time about what you’re doing and what’s going on around them
• try and avoid noises eg the tv/radio in the background constantly
• make eye contact as much as possible so baby can see your lips moving and facial expressions

And not a whole lot more - it’s being aimed at those who need it most, after all, so is not going to go into complex detail.

The way you have come across has been quite unpleasant. You have made so many sweeping statements about my background in order to prove a point.

Those who need it most won't go. The ' that's not for us' mindset is deeply ingrained. My friend ran a family centre for years. Anything that involved going to the library, listening to stories, massaging/ talking/ singing would never be attended by her clients . No matter what she said they refused to attend

Ignore all this vitriol OP. I think you should go if there are no eligibility restrictions.

Sign up for NCT classes to meet other parents.

I bet there are loads of privately-run classes that you are not aware of, eg baby massage, baby sensory, music classes etc. They often hire out church halls etc.

If you have a local mums/parents fb page, they’re usually a good place to find information.

Go, as it can't be guaranteed that the place will be taken by one of the 'deserving' anyway, as PPs have said.

In our area all families are encouraged to attend the groups, health visitors give out the time table and take details from everyone who wishes to be involved. I would look into what your area offers and who it is aimed at x

If there are plenty of places, go. If you will be taking a sought after spot from someone who needs it more, don't.

If these classes are not reaching/being used by the people in greatest need, then the folk organising them need to change something about it. When my DC were tiny, I went to a class about weaning run by the HV team. The only two parents in attendance were middle class professionals. We went because we were invited, and also, I suspect, because the HVs in our area didn't speak down to us the way that they did to some of the other younger, less confident mums who I saw in the baby clinic.

In my area, the children's centres (they're known here as family hubs) offer various groups and classes which are free and open to anyone. (Certain activities are targeted exclusively at low income families but these are usually for school aged children during the holidays, and the eligibility criteria are made explicit.)

I am a SAHM to a 3yo and 6yo, not in receipt of any benefits. My children and I go along to any free events and groups that take my fancy! You are perfectly entitled to attend the language development course and anything else that interests you. You might find that it doesn't teach you much that you didn't already know, but there's no harm at all in trying it out if you are keen. I'm sure the providers will be delighted to have you. Ignore your friend - her comment was quite sanctimonious and unkind IMO.

When classes or interventions are targeted at a particular population they put thresholds in place. If there are no thresholds or if you meet the threshold then you can go. Ask the children’s centre who the class is for and if they say everyone or it’s universal then of course go.

When I was a teen mum, I found myself to be usually the only one of the "targeted group" at baby massage because it started at 930am.

I've always been an early riser due to family lifestyle so it wasnt a problem for me to get up and out at that time. Not as normal for many of my peers who because they were teenagers and were used to late bed and wake up, they weren't up and out with baby until at least lunchtime.

Now that's not to say their baby was neglected in any way. We were all imperfect teen mums. It's just the way those types of classes functioned was more accessible to me purely because I was used to being up early with my younger siblings.

The other obstacle seemed to be provision for older siblings for these types of classes.