To think that I can go to this baby class?

[Gerbera55]

Background info:
A friend and I are both teachers so have an understanding of how language development works and how important it is. I am a mum to a 12 week old.
My council have released information about a language development focus baby class they are going to run at a local children’s centre. They haven’t announced cost yet, but based on other classes I have seen, it will likely be free or very low cost.
I saw my friend today and she asked about any classes I have been doing with baby. I told her about the baby massage and sensory classes I have been doing. I mentioned the language development class to her and she told me she thinks I shouldn’t go because I know how to support my baby’s language development, so I should leave the spaces for mums from low income families who can’t afford classes or for those parents who need support with language development.
In one sense I can see where she’s coming from, but equally my maternity pay won’t stretch to the more expensive classes for much longer and also I want to do as much as possible to support my child’s language development, especially with them being August born.

AIBU?

But that can feed the stigma that these things are only for those who are poor and make it so people are actually less likely to use them. I live and work in a deprived area and often those who need these things won’t use them because they worry how it looks.

If it is made accessible to all then those who need it are more likely to be comfy using it.

I don't think Surestart was scaled back because the odd middle class mum popped along to the toy library. It was actually hugely successful but austerity meant it was harder to keep universal access. Arguably though parenting really is universal experience and it's good for parents to be able to access support (and mix together) no matter their usual income. That isn't to say there shouldn't be targeting, and I do wonder really whether you'll get anything out of the course. It might well be things like teaching rhymes (there are plenty of people who know none) and explaining the importance of parent facing pushchairs or sharing books.

Whether actual mixing and sharing of the experience happens is often down to the person running the group. If you go open minded and keen to learn I can't see why you shouldnt be there

You sound very bitter.

Not sure why you've got this idea that all families who aren't dragging their heels through poverty are snobbish and doing gym and loft conversions?

OP, as a decidedly 'middle class' family (what does that even mean anymore) ive attended free baby massage and weaning groups run by the council. If you are allowed to go, please do. You're just as worthy of a place as anyone else and I'm sure you and your family pay council tax which goes towards running these classes.

Nah, a quick look online says the wealthy in my area is significantly above the national average, indicating an affluent population and we all love the second hand uniform. The pupil premium at my child’s school is 5%.

I think you are mistakenly projecting your insecurities about second hand uniform.

Ours is donate what you can or just help yourself. We’re in ‘an affluent area’ but that doesn’t really mean much these days. Lots of people are really struggling.
PTA getting the money is good though, without them we’d be missing out on loads of things that we just can’t afford in the budget.

'Professionals' give enough into the bloody system so why the hell shouldn't we benefit from it occasionally.

I don't agree. When my DC were small I went on a parenting course. I signed up and found it really useful. I had no idea what other people's circumstances were - later found out that some people had been made to go on the course by social services, but I couldn't have told you which were which.

That's about something else though. For instance, a poster above spoke about her kids regularly wearing stained clothes to school. I was a teen mum. If I took my oldest to school like that frequently, I think they'd have said he was being neglected and got the social services involved. Less so with my youngers where I had a bit more social status.

That might just be my perception, or it is based on a reality where deprivation means that things like scruffy or secondhand clothes are more harshly judged.

We lived on a deprived social housing estate when I had my first child (kind of outing but lived there through DH’s work). There was a similar class at our local family centre and I made two mum friends there I’m still friends with. I also learnt a lot because although, like you, I’m a teacher I’d never been a parent before.

One Mum on the course did make a snarky comment about “hummus mummies” but actually I got quite friendly with her by the time we left that area since our kids were the same age and I often saw her at the playground.

Im not insecure about it. I just know that when people have turned up desperate for cheap uniform, Tarquin and 'Tory's mum has already bought it all.

You are perfectly entitled to go to the class if you want.
the class is pointless for the baby at this stage but good for you to get out of the house, meet others in the community etc.

Hm. I’d see a point in leaving spaces for other more disadvantaged mothers if spaces were in short supply. However, until recently I lived in a very deprived area and helped organise these types of groups - we literally had to beg and bribe local people to attend so that we had enough numbers to justify funding for running the sessions.

Is there a way you could ask the people running it? Not sure how easy that would be, but we always advertised contact numbers and emails for questions about the events

If you’re already well educated on child language development then I agree with your friend - leave the class to those who need that education (assuming spaces are limited).
They might not realise how important it is to constantly talk to the baby about everything that’s going on around them, for example. What is it you’re hoping to learn?

If you want to go because it’s a cheap way of getting out and socialising with other mums and babies, there are usually plenty of church playgroups that cost next to nothing.

No you should go because often engagement of these things can be low and this can lead to the groups getting cancelled so you are actually supporting the group by attending.

You pay council tax, use the services! If it was targeted support for families exclusively on Universal Credit, it probably wouldn’t be publicly advertised without saying that. Screw middle class guilt and hand wringing - if you want to go, go.

I can’t believe anyone would equates some stains on clothes to a child being neglected. If the clothes fit and are clean, then so what if they have some stains on them.

I’m steadfastly confident that no one at school would look at my house, or where I live, and think I’m deprived.

I do get where you are both coming from. Sometimes initiatives are meant to level the playing field but they don't as its already the parents who are most invested that attend.

A compromise might be to see if you can join last minute. If there are still spaces, you definitely aren't taking anyones place who needs it more!

I honestly don't think you need a baby language class. Surely these are for people who actually struggle with language and communication themselves.
Really what are you going to learn that you don't actually know.
I have never seen a child without developmental delays or terrible parenting, not picking up language.
I would just not bother with this class and leave it for people who have genuine concerns about how to teach their child language.
Find another class of things that you actually want to learn and don't already know.

Yes this is a good point - I can ask my health visitor when I see her next, she might know!

If the class is aimed at a certain group of parents that doesn't include you, that will be clear on the joining information. If its open to you, go for it. We can always learn something and even if it's not new material it will be good to meet other patents and babies. Personally I think a range of different people make classes better.

The best 2nd hand uniform goes to their buddies so much of what is left for the normal people who aren't in the clique is faded and misshapen

Our PTA uniform sales are like this in the sense that the people who volunteer to help bag the best stuff. Funnily enough everyone is keen to volunteer for set up and nobody for packing away…

I’m on the PTA but definitely not part of a clique. See previous posts… I’m a neuro-divergent weirdo. But the truth is the world is run by people who show up. And the people who volunteer for the committee, show up at the school for committee meetings on dark rainy nights and then volunteer to advertise the sale, collect and store the uniform, then help set up the sale are going to be the people who earmark the best stuff. Just volunteer if it bothers you.

Good grief. Some bonkers posts on this thread. Of course you can go. Why on earth shouldn’t you? If everyone stayed away just in case they thought it wasn’t targeted at them, the class risks having no one turn up. Maternity leave is a financially difficult time for most people. If the class is being offered, just go!

Okay to address a few points:

• I wouldn’t say I have a huge knowledge of language development so it wouldn’t harm to learn more
• The advertisement for the class has had a lot of interaction on social media so it looks like it would be popular
• The advertisement has no indication of if there are any criteria to be met for attendance

I agree that bums of seats will justify future funding, but I honestly don’t know what you would gain from it other that your own social interaction with other parents. Like many things at this age tbh.

There is such a thing as working class teachers, and there are working class jobs that pay more than what teachers are paid.

OP, ignore the mad shite on here. You can go to any class you like.