To not choose lunch based on husbands sexual expectations.

[RiseOfTheTeenyTinies]

this might turn out long so I don’t drip feed but my actual question is this -
Am I being unreasonable to eat garlic bread at lunch time knowing that we have a rare empty house that night and there is an expectation of sex. However I know that eating garlic bread will then mean no sex .

I don’t want to drip feed so will give as much context as I can. I chose the garlic bread because at lunch time my thought process extends as far as what is on the menu and do I fancy it. At that point I am not thinking oh better not, DH won’t kiss me if I eat this now and therefore I won’t want to have sex. DH thinks that I should think of this when choosing lunch.

Extra context - when we eat together we have a very plain diet with lots of ingredients that we can’t use. DH has a skin condition that is triggered by lots of foods and I accommodate this without complaint, as he accommodates my lactose intolerance. This is not a problem for either of us because it can’t be helped. However he doesn’t like me to use garlic in anything because “he doesn’t like it” but he is happy to eat garlic bread. That pissed me off, either you like garlic or you don’t!

There are certain foods that I enjoy that DH hates, and if I eat this foods he refuses affection because he is sensitive to the smell, this has lasted up to 3 days but usually is for the rest of the day of eating and the following day. These foods include anything with garlic, anything with lots of spice or raw onion. He says he can smell these things on my breathe even after multiple tooth brushings and chewing gum and eating rennies.

I usually just eat what I like and we don’t have sex for however long it takes him to get over it. He complains but I pretty much ignore it. I limit what I eat when we eat together already, I am not limiting it further.

However last night we had a rare empty house. DH has raised the fact that our sex life has declined recently (my drive is diminished because of medication I am on) so we have gone from 5 times a week down to 2 or 3 but those times I don’t always finish and some of the time I will just sort him out.

So given that I know he’s worried about our sex life I knew that there would be an expectation of sex given the empty house (I was on board with this btw, I do miss our old sex life) so he thinks I was unreasonable to eat the garlic bread.

This

Did he decide an empty house = sex ?
With your declining libido, should he not be waiting until your adjusted medication sees a return of your libido ?

Why is he wanting sex when he knows you’re struggling with it at present ?
Entitled perhaps ?

2-3 x a week is good going. You can eat wtf you like .

The first worldness of this problem made me howl laughing.

I would eat whatever I want and he could rack off.

If by 'empty house' you mean your children are not there, the fact that you are still doing it anywhere between 3 and 5 times a week post-children is amazing. Maybe your young children are at a sleepover or with grandparents?

If by 'empty house' you mean your children are old enough to go out and stay out by themselves and you are still doing it anywhere between 3 and 5 times a week I'd say that's a bloody miracle and you deserve some sort of Olympic sex medal.

I have no opinion about the garlic eating either way but your DH does seem hyper sensitive and hyper controlly about it, which makes me wonder if he's on the spectrum.

I put YABU because I have a really sensitive sense of smell and when dh eats anything with garlic or generally smelly I wouldnt go near him for kisses. He knows this though, and I dont ask him not to eat certain things at certain times, I just dont kiss him on the mouth when he smells!

The more posts I read like this, the more I’m glad I’m single.

I mean, I think your DH sounds completely nuts.

However, whenever there are threads about smells on Mumsnet, loads of people claim they can't tolerate even a molecule of the scent of their colleague's fabric conditioner from 10 feet away, or insist that they need their partner to be pressure-washed for ten minutes four times a day to rid of him of some kind of masculine reek if they're ever going to touch him. And invariably lots of other people then pop up to validate this apparent hyper-sensitivity. Presumably your husband's one of those types.

In general, unlike most people on this thread, if I had a choice between garlic bread and sex I'd choose sex every time - but the fact that I had to make a choice at all would irritate me because I find that sort of ultra-picky fussiness about such things to be a total turn-off. I also find lack of spontaneity very unsexy to be honest.

I'd eat the garlic bread without a second thought to what he likes.

He's very, very, very controlling expecting you to restrict your diet as a requirement for sex.

He will eat garlic but not have sex with you if you eat it? Then it's not a smell aversion, it's about control.

I'd easily pick garlic over such a controlling man.

Hmm, food sensitivity is an absolute curse.
I’m hyper sensitive, I can tell if a bit of sliced pepper has even touched a piece of food and can smell garlic or onion on DH a week after he’s eaten some.

It’s no joke. I made him pour away a brand new bottle of Rum because the smell was making me heave from 2 rooms away - and I usually like rum but this smelled like burning plastic.

Most people have no idea of the hell that is a hyper sensitive palate.

YANBU to eat the garlic bread, knowing that it means no sex for up to 3 days.

HINBU to refuse intimacy if he finds the smell of metabolising garlic offensive, and to be disappointed when garlic interferes with his sex life.

HIBU to keep going on and on about it and trying to guilt trip you about occasional garlic-eating. Once he's made sure you know it bothers him and he's determined to avoid sex while he can still smell it, he has to leave it up to you to decide.

If he also likes and eats garlic, could you not both follow Judy Blume's sage advice ("garlic is fine if you both do") and eat it together (or separately, but on the same day)?

He sounds controlling. You actually put up with him withholding affection based on your food choices? I would personally go and invest in a dildo and do it yourself-tell him he can do the same. On a serious note this must be a hellish situation to live with having a husband this controlling in the relationship. Intolerances and allergies I get but simply not liking it is another matter. Eating something at lunch will not necessarily linger for so long that he can smell it on you hours later

😂 @… licked a cat’s arsehole 😂😂😂

And it’s not a ‘made up’ thing. Less than .1% of the population have it so it’s rare but it’s definitely real and it’s got worse as I’ve got older.

He's controlling and shit in bed. I'd go straight to the garlic bread.

so we have gone from 5 times a week down to 2 or 3 but those times I don’t always finish and some of the time I will just sort him out.

I personally would eat the garlic bread, brush my teeth, gargle with a strong listerine mouthwash and if he complains and says he can still smell garlic... then I would make a point of saying it's his turn to SORT YOU OUT AND LET YOU FINISH, instead of it always being primarily about him and his orgasms!
He doesn't need to kiss your mouth then does he? 😜

If my partner did something he knew would put me off sex on an occasion we expected we would have sex, then I would take that as an indication he didn't want sex. Does that help at all?

Which is why I voted YABU.

As characters so often observe in detective novels: look at Motive, Means and Opportunity.

So you’ve chosen garlic bread. Think on.

I'm diagnosed lactose intolerant and find that I can happily eat butter (and hard cheese) as the proportion of lactose in such dairy is so low.

AI states: "Butter has a much lower proportion of lactose than milk
because the churning process separates most of the liquid (whey), which contains the lactose, from the fat. Milk contains about 4.7-4.9% lactose, whereas butter contains only a trace amount... "

Plus there are lactase tablets...

Average garlic bread > average sex

Possibly really hot chilli oil.

Now, there's an idea for the OP...

Sometimes it does really stink though.

My boyfriend went to kiss me after eating garlic bread. He ate it hours before he kissed me.

I nearly vomited from the smell of his breath

Just brush your teeth and also use a strong mouthwash. Too many people don't use mouthwash.

Doggy style?

he sounds comtrolling and getting the hump over it is pathetic-does he realyse most people dont have sex 5 times a week