To not choose lunch based on husbands sexual expectations.

[RiseOfTheTeenyTinies]

this might turn out long so I don’t drip feed but my actual question is this -
Am I being unreasonable to eat garlic bread at lunch time knowing that we have a rare empty house that night and there is an expectation of sex. However I know that eating garlic bread will then mean no sex .

I don’t want to drip feed so will give as much context as I can. I chose the garlic bread because at lunch time my thought process extends as far as what is on the menu and do I fancy it. At that point I am not thinking oh better not, DH won’t kiss me if I eat this now and therefore I won’t want to have sex. DH thinks that I should think of this when choosing lunch.

Extra context - when we eat together we have a very plain diet with lots of ingredients that we can’t use. DH has a skin condition that is triggered by lots of foods and I accommodate this without complaint, as he accommodates my lactose intolerance. This is not a problem for either of us because it can’t be helped. However he doesn’t like me to use garlic in anything because “he doesn’t like it” but he is happy to eat garlic bread. That pissed me off, either you like garlic or you don’t!

There are certain foods that I enjoy that DH hates, and if I eat this foods he refuses affection because he is sensitive to the smell, this has lasted up to 3 days but usually is for the rest of the day of eating and the following day. These foods include anything with garlic, anything with lots of spice or raw onion. He says he can smell these things on my breathe even after multiple tooth brushings and chewing gum and eating rennies.

I usually just eat what I like and we don’t have sex for however long it takes him to get over it. He complains but I pretty much ignore it. I limit what I eat when we eat together already, I am not limiting it further.

However last night we had a rare empty house. DH has raised the fact that our sex life has declined recently (my drive is diminished because of medication I am on) so we have gone from 5 times a week down to 2 or 3 but those times I don’t always finish and some of the time I will just sort him out.

So given that I know he’s worried about our sex life I knew that there would be an expectation of sex given the empty house (I was on board with this btw, I do miss our old sex life) so he thinks I was unreasonable to eat the garlic bread.

OP, it sounds like he's controlling you by means of his sensitivities. Which are his to deal with - not yours. It doesn't sound remotely healthy. And I would suggest that you slowly but surely stop pandering to it.

And who plans sex?!!? That sounds awful on its own, let alone the rest of it.

I have learned here that for a lot of women a relationship is a life necessity so they just find any man and make it work.

I find that fascinating but useful to see for people who may question why they are perma single.

It sounds like half your sex life is you 'just sorting him out', he sounds remarkably moany and unsexy to me, eat whatever the fuck you want and enjoy sex when you both want it, that's the whole point of it.

I don't even like garlic bread and I would rather eat a truckful of it than have sex with this prize of a man.

What I take from all these daily/hourly posts is to make sure my daughters are well aware that they need to get financial independence so that having a man is out of their choice and only if he actuallly makes their life better than being single. I want them to be happy single so that they have the freedom to walk away.

cheeky if he can eat garlic bread but you can't.

no don't change your diet. I don't see how your lactose intolerance affects him?

Err.. kissing us not a prerequisite for sex you weirdos.

He sounds pretty controlling and not much fun

5 times a week- are you rabbits? :D

I mean I am old now and did have lots of sex when young but surely having sex 5 days a week means it just becomes very mundane? Maybe I haven’t got much imagination 😂. Never met a man who cared about smells. Then again when I was young men were just grateful for a shag. It was fun and carefree. When I read some of the things on here that men expect now from younger women it makes me glad to be old.

Can he smell it if he has eaten it too? I don't eat garlic the day before I get dental checkups because I can smell it on others and hate it. Late DH and I used to have the "both or neither" rule but we didn't stick religiously to it. I do think if he's that keen for more sex then surely a little garlic shouldn't put him off?

Are you sure your drive isn't diminished because of him rather than the medication?
For the record 2/3 times a week is loads and garlic bread is probably more enjoyable.

All of this!

Well you can't have both so a choice is going to have to be made.
Either pre arranged functional duty sex (again) that leaves you unfulfilled and having to 'sort' your partner out to bring a welcome end to it,
Or
Putting crispy garlic bread with oozing garlic butter into your mouth that tingles your taste buds, cleanses your blood and boosts your immune system and leaves you satisfied and content.
The choice is yours

Ok, he is chosing to eat it sometimes.
As for kissing when he ate it and she did/didn't, I guess my relative wouldn't kiss even after she ate it herself, but that's a speculation, I've never needed to know that.

I pointed out in my first post that "his expectation/concern which she is aboard with" is a confusing position.

She would be unreasonable if she wanted/expected to have sex that day/wanted to give it a try with empty house and supposedly more time on their side, but refused to take hew own wishes into account at lunch time.
If the OP wasn't that bothered, than it's ok.

Really want cheesy garlic bread now

Life is too short to worry whether you should have garlic bread or not,because of something that may or may not happen.

The whole situation would be a complete turn-off for me! Where’s the spontaneity?

A) It sounds worryingly controlling and manipulative, that he’s already planning by lunchtime, what he wants (you) to do that evening, and expects you to restrict your diet accordingly to suit him.

B) The assumption that an empty house automatically means sex, even if you’re not in the mood, is based entirely on his wants. What if you’d prefer to play Scrabble or watch a box set together?

Reeling at that lol !!
2/3 times a MONTH in LTR’s is good in my book !!!

The frequency of sex isn’t an issue, a good orgasm helps us both relax into sleep, it is only fairly recently that sex has been less fulfilling for me, definitely because of the medication, it’s a well documented side effect. I am changing the dose and hoping the side effects can be managed.

I am more than respectful of his choice to not be up for sex if he can’t tolerate the smell, I don’t try to force it on him. What I have a problem with is him trying to make it my issue. Garlic is a very common food ingredient, it’s not out of the realms of normal to sometimes eat it. I am not forcing it on him. His sensory issues are the more unusual factor here, not my food taste.

If we both eat garlic bread that is fine, he can’t taste my garlic over his own breath I assume so it’s not like he eats it whilst banning me.

Oh and the garlic bread is vegan, although sometimes I will eat a little bit of butter anyway, it might give me a bit of a groany tummy but it’s pretty low lactose. Yogurt, milk, ice cream and sadly cheese are absolute no but I can tolerate a little butter.

I’d rather have garlic bread than sex TBH.

Two solutions:
(a) Tell him to man up and get over it.
(b) He eats garlic bread as well.

HTH,

Sex 5 times a week in a long term relationship sounds absolutely exhausting. If you already do it multiple times a week, why does an empty house = sex? I honestly thought you were going to say you hadn’t done it in months.

Bin him, he doesn't get to dictate what you eat.

He doesn’t like garlic on your breath but eats it himself? Well that’s just odd! Make him eat some too then he won’t smell it!

BTW 2-3 a week is LOADS!