How would you feel about this if I was your DIL?

[MickeyThunder]

It’s my husband’s 40th next year, and we’ve been talking about booking a holiday to celebrate. The idea came up in front of my parents, and they said they’d love to come along. My husband was fine with that, so I went ahead today and booked flights for a 4-night break. It’ll be me, my husband, our two kids and my parents.

It’s only just hit me that we/I haven’t mentioned it to my husband’s parents or invited them, and I’m wondering if they might be upset when they find out...

There’s no plan to invite them, Id rather not go if they did to be honest! (and my husband isn’t bothered at all about them being there), but I’m just not sure if we’ll get any backlash or if they will be really hurt.

For context, we get on much better with my parents. They’re very easy-going, and my husband would definitely agree. My FIL, on the other hand, can be quite difficult, and I’m not particularly close to him or my MIL.

Are your parents wealthier
than his? A different class background?

I couldn’t get upset about this.

I see I'm in aonority here but it wouldn't bother me in the slightest.

I'm presuming this is your 'gift' to him. If they want to go away with him I'm sure they are more than welcome to ask him

Surely better to have a few days with each parent of they wanted than everyone stuck in together

I'd personally be relieved at not having to go away with son in laws parents!

Are you really asking if we think his parents will be hurt that they weren’t invited? Because you’d have to be a bit stupid not to realise that, yes, obviously they would feel hurt and probably a bit offended.

Or are you actually asking for support for not inviting them because you don’t like them and you think your DH prefers your parents?

What does your DH say? He must have realised that his parents weren’t invited. You need to talk to him, ask him if he wants them there and agree a strategy for what you’re going to say to them when they inevitably find out.

How would you feel if the wife of a child you gave birth to didn’t invite you to a special birthday? You invited your parents and not them. I have no words to describe you….

I get on great with my DIL and I would be gutted if she and my son went off for his big birthday with her parents…..unless they were paying as a gift for his birthday.

Of course they will be upset.
His inlaws have been invited away to celebrate with him but his own parents haven't. Thats not right at all. I would put it right and invite them before It escalates into a fall out. They might be hard work so may require a bit more effort on your part but they don't sound toxic or anything and dont deserve to be excluded. Please do the right thing.

This. I'd be devastated if my DIL and her parents decided to go to Spain next May with their children for the birthday of the son I bloody gave birth to and didn't bother go mention it to me

I was starting to think I was the only person who was thinking this. I don’t want to be invited anywhere as a duty invite.

I would sort out our own celebrations when they were available (or just go to the party later).

I’m surprised you don’t see this a problem? I would be really hurt.

I’m surprised your parents asked to come to your husbands 40th trip too. It’s a little cheeky.

It is weird to take your husband on a holiday for his birthday with your parents and not his. It's blatantly obvious to his parents that you guys as a family doesn't like them as much and treated lesser than.

As much as your post is saying your family is nicer, easier to get along and more helpful etc. your post sounds bias. If your side of the family is that nice, there is no way the parents are not wise enough to realise that the in laws aren't invited. I would tell my daughter off for not even asking. Good parents will provide their wisdom to ensure there is family peace.

You either invite both sets of parents, or none at all. Or postpone the holiday for another date that's not someone else's son's actual birthday. Regardless of how much "hard work" the in-laws are, unless they are actually abusive to your husband, they still raised him like you did your children.

You are posting here to validate your decision.

You actually forget his parents exist and then wonder why you don't get on with them?

Do you have a son? Just imagine how you'd feel if his wife invited her own parents to YOUR son's special birthday but not you ...

Im actually surprised at your parents. I'd feel really uncomfortable if my daughter did this. I'd be suggesting his parents came too.

Sorry - I'd be gutted if me and my husband were ignored like this - I think you should have at least invited them. If you have sons you will understand one day and be nicer
to your DIL(s) to avoid being cut off 😮‍💨

It’s the kind of thing I would do without even realising at the time…tbh your dh should have brought it up…

Chicken and egg, though, isn't it?

I think I’d feel a bit put out and sad and jealous I wasn’t invited

I think they are two sides of the same coin.

Whoops I think it’s quite a shitty thing actually. Get ready for the fallout if you don’t invite them and if you do I hope you can get extra flights and accommodation

And your husband isn't bothered? Wow.

Perhaps they'd like to be and haven't been allowed to be?

You are getting a lot a lot of stick on here, but to be honest my parents are easy going and mil is a nightmare. My husband would rather spend his birthday or a Christmas with my family.

Pretend the holiday is by accident over his birthday. And then have some sort of separate celebration with your husband‘s parents like a meal and a cake.

My lovely relaxed parents are perfectly happy when we go on holiday with the in-laws, they don’t feel left out. They’re just happy for us. We have my son‘s fourth birthday at my in-laws and my dad and mum were just happy for us. No one was jealous.

I would just want my son to be happy when he’s older. I’m not gonna be a stroppy 70-year-old woman mad about being left out. Happy healthy children is all anyone would ever want.

Perhaps they won’t really care, perhaps they’ll be really sad, perhaps they’ll feel you’ve orchestrated this and are the DIL from hell, perhaps your husband is pretty spineless and goes with whatever you decide for a quiet life, perhaps one day you’ll be in your MIL’s shoes and be the one not invited to a milestone birthday of your son - karma’s a bitch as they say 🤷🏼‍♀️

That is very mean. I would invite his parents along - they may not come. I would be devastated if my DD invited her MIL to go away for her birthday and not me and her dad. My advice would be to either ask them or cancel the whole thing and do something with your DH and children.