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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU 16yo DSD leaving freezer open

179 replies

Reluctantstepmumof2 · 27/10/2025 14:49

DSD almost 17 repeatedly leaves the freezer door open, so all food needs chucking out on a regular basis. I'm at my wits end. DH tries to minimise any negative interactions with her so won't bring it up or anything else negative really. I have mentioned it a couple of times (she says sorry but then immediately does it again) but I don't want to push it and be seen as 'evil stepmother' she is sweet but very forgetful, disorganised and messy. I realise times have changed but when I was young my parents would have told me off for things like this which obv isn't ideal but was very effective as I'm a very careful considerate person now! Any advice on how to deal with this type of behaviour? This is just one of many similar examples...

OP posts:
didntlikeanyofthesuggestions · 27/10/2025 14:53

Someone needs to have a word. How long is the door left open without anyone noticing if the food needs to be thrown away?

Cornflakegirl7 · 27/10/2025 14:53

Tell her that if it happens again she has to pay to replace the food?
How long before you notice? I have left my freezer open overnight before and not threw anything out-is it always necessary?

Choconuttolata · 27/10/2025 14:54

Get a freezer door alarm that tells you when it has been left open. My son with ASD does this too, but ours has a built in alarm that links to an app on your phone that warns you.

Namechange822 · 27/10/2025 14:55

Can you put a note on the freezer saying please shut the door? Or one of those dog safe fridge catches so that she has to physically bolt it?

Bluebottlerecycling · 27/10/2025 14:57

I’d expect a stronger response from her Dad. He’s not doing her any favours - what happens when she eventually moves into uni halls/a shared flat?

Ultimately I’d stop buying whatever it is she regularly goes into the freezer for.

Sunshineismyfavourite · 27/10/2025 14:59

Nag her constantly when she goes to get food. And put a huge note on the freezer. DH may want to minimise negative interactions with her which is one thing but constantly causing you to waste food is not OK. She needs to be told.

toomuchfaff · 27/10/2025 15:00

DH tries to minimise any negative interactions with her so won't bring it up

This is your problem...

sittingonabeach · 27/10/2025 15:00

Does she struggle with being organised etc?

MumChp · 27/10/2025 15:02

Stop buying whatever she goes for. I wouldn't put up with it.

Linenpickle · 27/10/2025 15:07

What punishment does she get?

Ilovemyshed · 27/10/2025 15:09

Put a coded lock on the freezer

AlwaysADramaHadEnough · 27/10/2025 15:10

Unless it's wide open for hours and hours it doesn't all need binning.
Get a lock for the freezer if need be. Or an alarm

AlphaApple · 27/10/2025 15:13

Stick a large notice on the freezer.

Tell your DH that he is doing her no favours by letting her off with that kind of stuff. Her future flatmates won't thank him.

ThirdStorm · 27/10/2025 15:15

Is the door working properly? I only ask as I managed to leave the door open/ajar a few times on my old one but the new one I have never done it.

AtomicPumpkin · 27/10/2025 15:21

Tell her to stay out of your freezer. If she wants something from it, she has to ask for it.

Endofyear · 27/10/2025 15:23

Our freezer has an alarm if it's open for too long. Can't you buy an alarm for the door?

Original poster
Reluctantstepmumof2 · 27/10/2025 15:35

Thanks all, its usually left open all night and I have to bin all the ice cream meat and fish. Alarm/ catch is a great idea but I guess I'm asking if it's OK to discipline a child for something that's a accident? My partner thinks not but I think if something is repeatedly happening and the child is older then it seems reasonable/ necessary to me. She is a very good kid in general and has a very sweet lovely temperament so I think that makes it harder too...

OP posts:
toomuchfaff · 27/10/2025 15:37

If OH doesnt want to discipline for the occurrence, then ban her from opening the freezer, she has to have supervision to open and close the freezer - maybe that will change her behaviour?

CeeceeBloomingdale · 27/10/2025 15:41

Ours has an alarm so definitely consider that. With regards to discipling her I'd be telling her she has to pay for the replacement items next time, either with money she already has or by working it back. Without consequences it'll just keep happening. I'd warn her up front this will happen next time rather than rage when it's just happened if that makes sense. At 17 she's old enough to take some responsibility.

latetothefisting · 27/10/2025 15:53

Reluctantstepmumof2 · 27/10/2025 15:35

Thanks all, its usually left open all night and I have to bin all the ice cream meat and fish. Alarm/ catch is a great idea but I guess I'm asking if it's OK to discipline a child for something that's a accident? My partner thinks not but I think if something is repeatedly happening and the child is older then it seems reasonable/ necessary to me. She is a very good kid in general and has a very sweet lovely temperament so I think that makes it harder too...

Discipline is the key word - of course its fine to tell her off and quite sharply too, considering it's happened multiple times as would getting a contribution for the wasted food even if it comes out of her Christmas presents.

Obviously denying her any food for a week and locking her in the cellar would not be!

"It was an accident" doesn't magically absolve you of all responsibility in the real world, so his disney-dadding is poor parenting.

She's seventeen - she could kill someone while driving due to not paying attention or make a similar mistake in a part time job and give people food poisoning or an allergic reaction - and sad eyes and a promise not to do it again won't cut it when she is legally responsible.

YodasHairyButt · 27/10/2025 15:56

Put a lock on it so she has to ask before taking anything out. She’s proved she’s too forgetful to be trusted and it’s too expensive throwing food away.

Strawberryfields4ever · 27/10/2025 15:57

Get rid of your freezer

TotallyAddictedToCoffee · 27/10/2025 16:00

Can you alter the feet so the freezer is tilting backwards ever so slightly - that way the door should close all the way if she doesn't 100% close it herself

Ilovewheelychairs · 27/10/2025 16:01

Stupid question, but is she shutting it too hard and it’s bouncing back open? We have a fridge (in a rented house, came with the property) and the seal isn’t amazing. You have to push it firmly to rather than just letting it close itself or pushing it hard, otherwise it doesn’t close properly.

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