AIBU 16yo DSD leaving freezer open

[Reluctantstepmumof2]

DSD almost 17 repeatedly leaves the freezer door open, so all food needs chucking out on a regular basis. I'm at my wits end. DH tries to minimise any negative interactions with her so won't bring it up or anything else negative really. I have mentioned it a couple of times (she says sorry but then immediately does it again) but I don't want to push it and be seen as 'evil stepmother' she is sweet but very forgetful, disorganised and messy. I realise times have changed but when I was young my parents would have told me off for things like this which obv isn't ideal but was very effective as I'm a very careful considerate person now! Any advice on how to deal with this type of behaviour? This is just one of many similar examples...

It’s not an accident it’s carelessness and thoughtlessness

she can think I want something from the freezer she can think I just check the door is shut

try a note on the door ?

You need a padlock. If she can't be responsible, she loses access to the freezer.

She’s nearly 17. Of course she should be had words with about leaving the freezer door open. Can not be doing with parents pussy footing around their bone idle kids.

Yes OP. It's perfectly proportionate to tell her firmly to stop doing it. You are wasting food, energy and anyway she's going to have to learn some day. What happens when she gets a flat share or her own place? Your DH is wrong to let this go unmentioned, for her sake as well as yours. As others suggest, get a fridge alarm or stick a big notice to the door as well.

One of my sons did this 3 times , on the 4th occasion I sent him to the shop to replace the food with his own money , he was 17 at the time with a part time job , he never did it again.
His own home is immaculate and I am amazed as his bedroom was absolutely disgusting.

Your h is doing her no favours. Is she planning on uni next year? Her flatmates won’t be so understanding.

Is it only the freezer she forgets to shut?

I would personally fine my teen for repeatedly doing this in the hope that they were more careful in future. Consequences like this would help some kids learn.

Once would be an accident but if it's continually happening this suggests she is either not shutting it properly (pushing it hard enough, checking its closed) or she's realised it's causing arguments between you and her dad so is doing it to wind you up.
He needs to put a stop to it. I agree she pays for whatever is thrown out.

Could you fit some kind of self closing mechanism on it? You can get them for normal doors, I’m not sure about freezer doors. I’d be reluctant to have a go at her for something that she perhaps can’t help. I live in a house with some very forgetful people and it can be frustrating, but it’s frustrating for them too. I’d be trying to find a solution rather than telling her off.

Telling a child off isn’t a thing of the past, it’s needed!

Discipline isn’t a bad thing, it’s positive. Tell her off, she’ll cry or moan, but she’ll think twice next time. If you don’t tell her, she’ll grow up to be irresponsible and it will affect her adult relationships.

A note will work once, then you get eye blind to seeing it on there.
lock or alarm

You can fix for about £15 and will help everyone. Could put on fridge too.
https://www.amazon.co.uk/freezer-door-alarm/s?k=freezer+door+alarm

not punishment. An aid.

I wouldn’t be so sure it’s an accident if it is happening so frequently and at there age being messy / disorganised doesn’t mean you get a let on not shutting the freezer door properly. In classic MN speak your problem is actually your partner who doesn’t want to address the issue with her - of course it’s fine to have a firm discussion / consider discipline if it is happening repeatedly. Currently there is no incentive to adapt or change behaviours because there is no consequence.

Once maybe twice is an accident multiple times is at best carelessness at worst intentional. Its time she faces consequences for her actions including making her empty the freezer, totalling up the cost of the food she's wasted and/or billing her for the food

Making sure the freezer door is closed is something 5 year olds can do. Repeatedly doing this at 17 is not accidental.

Make her pay for replacing the contents of the freezer if your DH is too pathetic to tell a 17 year old to act like a responsible person.

I’d add, if she doesn’t leave other things open, and the freezer doesn’t have issues where you’ve got to deliberatly push it firmly closed, as opposed to a firm swing that’ll do the job…
then I agree with others
this is delibarely. A rebellious teenage (?) “ I know this winds SM up and have control over her “ type thing.

try alarm first
if that doesn’t work, then it’s definately you saying to dh she’s doing it deliberately and he must step in and punish. Or you’ll put a lock on freezer and fridge and Wi-Fi !

Get one that beeps

I agree with others that you can discipline her for ‘accidents’. My son left our freezer open more than once at a similar age and felt terrible. I didn’t shout at him I don’t think, just pointed out consequences in a normal adult conversation. Can you ask her to help deal with the consequences eg separating waste in different bins ?

I think yes it's OK to discipline if you do it nicely (obviously yelling or a disproportionate punishment isn't ok) and you've tried other strategies first.

So tell her a few times, explain the inconvenience and expense, then help her come up with strategies to sort it herself (what would make her remember?) and then explain if she does it again you'll stop buying whatever goes into the freezer that she wants, or she has to replace them herself from her own money etc

Once is an accident. Multiple times is carelessness and laziness and stupidity. I really can’t believe she hasnt had any consequences!

Our freezer has a dodgy hinge, and you've got to kick the bottom corner of the door to make sure it shuts properly. After a couple of incidents with someone leaving the door partly open, and having to defrost the entire thing, I taped a lovely A4 note on the door, at eye-level, which says 'Shut the fking door properly!!' and haven't had a problem since 🤷🏼‍♀️
( DP or adult kiddo, both old enough to know better 🙄)

I'm sorry OP but leaving the freezer open all night is not something an almost 17 year old would do if she has a "sweet and lovely temperament", unless there is a serious brain/memory thing going on. If she is doing it deliberately, then yes it's fine to discipline her and she is a very un-sweet, not lovely, disrespectful brat, and NEEDS some serious discipline. At a minimum, ALL her money comes to you and you give her only money for absolute essentials until she pays for all the food she has ruined.

If she really has "sweet and lovely temperament" and is not doing this deliberately, but she actually can't remember to do it repeatedly, then, along with the other messiness/disorganisation, I would say absolutely NO punishment is appropriate, and you and her dad should be trying to get her help for what actually sounds like quite a serious health problem. If she is actually repeatedly forgetting to close the door, even though she wants to, and doesn't want to waste food or upset her parents, then that is a fairly significant memory failure and something, potentially serious, is causing it.

Ask permission before taking anything out of the freezer ?

In order to fix the problem you need to be more specific about how its happening

Is it that she flings the door open, gets something out, wanders off with the items and just leaves the door open
Is it that she thinks she has shut it but hasnt checked
Is it that the door has a peculiarity that she isnt paying attention to as per another poster above that bounces back open
Is it that you literally do believe she is doing it on purpose as some have implied

The fix is literally that if its absent mindedness she cant be trusted to go into the freezer, so get a lock
If the door is tricky, get it fixed
If she is being an arsehole then a huge telling off and financial penalties

Are you not in the house when she is going into this freezer? Or home that night to make sure it is shut?

We had an old freezer with a habit of not closing properly. So new family rule became that if you opened the freezer you went and explicitly checked you'd closed it properly after. It quickly became a habit. She needs to build that check into her how you use the freezer mental script. In some ways it doesn't matter if the fault is the DSD or the the freezer. This is what you now do.