Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

New guy put me off right before we had sex for the first time

652 replies

Brooklans · 27/10/2025 14:19

Just wondering if this would put anyone else off or if I’m being a bit silly.

Background info: I’ve been single for 7 months. Had a few dates here and there, but not slept with anyone since breaking up with ex-dp, as I didn’t like anyone enough to do so. I have been seeing this guy for a month now, and we were about to have sex for the first time over the weekend, but I got put off and left early.

We were at his house, first time I’d been over there. Sat on the sofa watching tv, we were hugging and began kissing. It had been no longer than 15-20 seconds into kissing, our clothes were still on, no foreplay or heavy petting, when he said
”Suck me off and make me cum first” (before we have sex, he meant)

It was just so premature and abrupt, it turned me off. It didn’t feel natural in anyway. I was planning on eventually giving him oral sex, but the fact that he ‘ordered’ me to do it quickly, while we still had our clothes on, sat on his sofa, it felt so transactional.

After he said it, my face must have showed some disgust or disappointment. I sat there and he asked me what was wrong, I said “You’ve ruined the mood”

He apologised, he said his reason for saying that was because he was worried he’d cum quickly. He thought if I’d given him oral sex first, we could have a break then have sex later, and he’d last longer, and that he was actually thinking about my needs (not entirely convinced on the last part).

It’s killed my attraction to him now I think, I’m not sure how to get back to the place I was at before.

AIBU?

OP posts:
rainbowsparkle28 · 27/10/2025 14:55

Ruby1985 · 27/10/2025 14:45

Maybe don’t sleep with randoms and people you aren’t in a relationship with! This may be a good life lesson moving forward

Show quote history

Maybe don’t go spouting sexist, misogynistic shit on the internet I would suggest, but hey, we can wish 🤷‍♀️🙄

SL2924 · 27/10/2025 14:57

🤮 so grim. The ick would be undoable. It would also make me think he has premature ejaculation problems in general.

ClawedButler · 27/10/2025 14:58

Ruby1985 · 27/10/2025 14:45

Maybe don’t sleep with randoms and people you aren’t in a relationship with! This may be a good life lesson moving forward

Show quote history

People are allowed to have sex with willing partners whenever they want, and they don't need your permission to do so.

ldnmusic87 · 27/10/2025 14:58

Eew. The audacity.

Rosiedayss · 27/10/2025 14:58

Would totally give me the ick.
Did he confuse you with someone he was paying?
Extremely entitled, disrespectful and not what a woman with self esteem would tolerate.
You rightly got out of there.
Dump.

SuperNovajovic · 27/10/2025 14:59

GardenGaff · 27/10/2025 14:25

Grim.

If he was that worried about your needs and him not lasting long, he would have made sure you had an orgasm first, before any penetration.

This here is the way that a man can deal with his worries about premature ejaculation in a way that is considerate and actually quite hot. Annoying pre requisite of actually needing to be bothered about the woman's experience though, as opposed to just how he'll be perceived.

No woman on earth would care how long the sex lasts if they've already been satisfied. Especially not at the start of a relationship! Some would probably even find it a turn on

shhblackbag · 27/10/2025 15:01

HoppingPavlova · 27/10/2025 14:34

Yeah, no way. If he was truly worried about his ‘problem’ then he could have sorted himself out shortly before you arrived, problem solved. That’s what a normal person would do. This is icky.

Exactly! Zero chance I'd want to go near him now.

Sartre · 27/10/2025 15:02

Ew yeah, immediate turn off. As a PP said, if he wanted to prevent premature ejaculation, he should have wanked earlier in the day. It’s the demand and almost expectation when you’d barely even started kissing that would deter me. Really seedy.

Wishimaywishimight · 27/10/2025 15:03

Well at least you know not to expect any romance from him.

I can't imagine a world in which that would ever be a turn on. It just seems like such a crude, disrespectful, unromantic way to speak to a new girlfriend.

SardinesOnGingerbread · 27/10/2025 15:04

Yuck. Well done for ending the date.

shhblackbag · 27/10/2025 15:04

GardenGaff · 27/10/2025 14:25

Grim.

If he was that worried about your needs and him not lasting long, he would have made sure you had an orgasm first, before any penetration.

And definitely agree with this. He should anyway, IMO.

LilacHedgehog123 · 27/10/2025 15:06

Brooklans · 27/10/2025 14:19

Just wondering if this would put anyone else off or if I’m being a bit silly.

Background info: I’ve been single for 7 months. Had a few dates here and there, but not slept with anyone since breaking up with ex-dp, as I didn’t like anyone enough to do so. I have been seeing this guy for a month now, and we were about to have sex for the first time over the weekend, but I got put off and left early.

We were at his house, first time I’d been over there. Sat on the sofa watching tv, we were hugging and began kissing. It had been no longer than 15-20 seconds into kissing, our clothes were still on, no foreplay or heavy petting, when he said
”Suck me off and make me cum first” (before we have sex, he meant)

It was just so premature and abrupt, it turned me off. It didn’t feel natural in anyway. I was planning on eventually giving him oral sex, but the fact that he ‘ordered’ me to do it quickly, while we still had our clothes on, sat on his sofa, it felt so transactional.

After he said it, my face must have showed some disgust or disappointment. I sat there and he asked me what was wrong, I said “You’ve ruined the mood”

He apologised, he said his reason for saying that was because he was worried he’d cum quickly. He thought if I’d given him oral sex first, we could have a break then have sex later, and he’d last longer, and that he was actually thinking about my needs (not entirely convinced on the last part).

It’s killed my attraction to him now I think, I’m not sure how to get back to the place I was at before.

AIBU?

I guarantee he wouldn't have ensured you had 2 orgasms before the end of the night. Why do some men think lasting longer automatically makes the sex better? He has just proved himself to be crap in bed. He should have made you orgasm first, then you wouldn't have minded him not 'lasting longer'. Bin him or you'll have a crap sex life forever. Not worth the risk.

333FionaG · 27/10/2025 15:06

Throw him back, let him satisfy himself with Pornhub. Disgusting and entitled. Ugh.

PsychoHotSauce · 27/10/2025 15:07

Ruby1985 · 27/10/2025 14:45

Maybe don’t sleep with randoms and people you aren’t in a relationship with! This may be a good life lesson moving forward

Show quote history

Ah ok. So she was supposed to date him for how long exactly before she was able to find out this particular ick about him? What a waste of her time!

Sometimes the deepest incompatibilities are sex related, and better to find out sooner than later imo.

Randomer75 · 27/10/2025 15:08

Brooklans · 27/10/2025 14:19

Just wondering if this would put anyone else off or if I’m being a bit silly.

Background info: I’ve been single for 7 months. Had a few dates here and there, but not slept with anyone since breaking up with ex-dp, as I didn’t like anyone enough to do so. I have been seeing this guy for a month now, and we were about to have sex for the first time over the weekend, but I got put off and left early.

We were at his house, first time I’d been over there. Sat on the sofa watching tv, we were hugging and began kissing. It had been no longer than 15-20 seconds into kissing, our clothes were still on, no foreplay or heavy petting, when he said
”Suck me off and make me cum first” (before we have sex, he meant)

It was just so premature and abrupt, it turned me off. It didn’t feel natural in anyway. I was planning on eventually giving him oral sex, but the fact that he ‘ordered’ me to do it quickly, while we still had our clothes on, sat on his sofa, it felt so transactional.

After he said it, my face must have showed some disgust or disappointment. I sat there and he asked me what was wrong, I said “You’ve ruined the mood”

He apologised, he said his reason for saying that was because he was worried he’d cum quickly. He thought if I’d given him oral sex first, we could have a break then have sex later, and he’d last longer, and that he was actually thinking about my needs (not entirely convinced on the last part).

It’s killed my attraction to him now I think, I’m not sure how to get back to the place I was at before.

AIBU?

You are mad unreasonable to even think I about going back to the place you were before.

Him using the imperative tense to me would be an immediate deal breaker. Who the fuck does he think he is to be giving you orders and instructions whilst still on the sofa.

Irenesortof · 27/10/2025 15:09

It's to his credit that he apologised. If you found him attractive and agreeable before that, you could try to recreate the mood before his gaffe. Or not, if the relationship doesn't seem worth it.

ohyesido · 27/10/2025 15:10

You should have said No! You go down on me and then we’ll see!

jk. He’s an arse

Kubricklayer · 27/10/2025 15:11

Haha reminds me of Oz from American Pie...."Suck me, beautiful!"

Mistyglade · 27/10/2025 15:13

He’s been on porno websites far too long he is fucking gross. I’d have stood up and told him so before I slammed the door shut behind me. The last guy I was intimate with started on about ‘home videos’ after less than a fortnight. I wrote about it on here! Are there any romantic considerate men left?

Original poster
Brooklans · 27/10/2025 15:13

Irenesortof · 27/10/2025 15:09

It's to his credit that he apologised. If you found him attractive and agreeable before that, you could try to recreate the mood before his gaffe. Or not, if the relationship doesn't seem worth it.

Yes I did credit him for apologising rather than acting like I was overreacting, or a prude (which I think a lot of men in this generation would do, unfortunately).

If I could flick a switch to make me go back to how I felt prior to that, I would, for the reason I wrote above. But it feels like a mental block I can’t break through now. The thought of having sex with him now makes me want to squirm. I guess it’s dead in the water isn’t it.

OP posts:
LBFseBrom · 27/10/2025 15:13

Cheeky sod.

ldnmusic87 · 27/10/2025 15:15

What happened afterwards OP?

Irenesortof · 27/10/2025 15:17

Brooklans · 27/10/2025 15:13

Yes I did credit him for apologising rather than acting like I was overreacting, or a prude (which I think a lot of men in this generation would do, unfortunately).

If I could flick a switch to make me go back to how I felt prior to that, I would, for the reason I wrote above. But it feels like a mental block I can’t break through now. The thought of having sex with him now makes me want to squirm. I guess it’s dead in the water isn’t it.

Show quote history

Sounds like it, yes. What a shame. Better luck next time OP.

MyCrushWithEyeliner · 27/10/2025 15:18

‘Have a break then have sex later’

Yes, it’s so exhausting having your cock sucked

WhatdoesitmeanKeith · 27/10/2025 15:19

FateAmenableToChange · 27/10/2025 14:28

Premature ejaculation is irritating enough without the expectation of making it a virtual strangers problem to resolve. Also that sounds like the actions of someone who spends a fair amount of time watching porn. Which also could be behind his 'performance' concerns. Anyway I wouldn't be wanting to find out any more.

Absolutely! Great post.