New guy put me off right before we had sex for the first time

[Brooklans]

Just wondering if this would put anyone else off or if I’m being a bit silly.

Background info: I’ve been single for 7 months. Had a few dates here and there, but not slept with anyone since breaking up with ex-dp, as I didn’t like anyone enough to do so. I have been seeing this guy for a month now, and we were about to have sex for the first time over the weekend, but I got put off and left early.

We were at his house, first time I’d been over there. Sat on the sofa watching tv, we were hugging and began kissing. It had been no longer than 15-20 seconds into kissing, our clothes were still on, no foreplay or heavy petting, when he said
”Suck me off and make me cum first” (before we have sex, he meant)

It was just so premature and abrupt, it turned me off. It didn’t feel natural in anyway. I was planning on eventually giving him oral sex, but the fact that he ‘ordered’ me to do it quickly, while we still had our clothes on, sat on his sofa, it felt so transactional.

After he said it, my face must have showed some disgust or disappointment. I sat there and he asked me what was wrong, I said “You’ve ruined the mood”

He apologised, he said his reason for saying that was because he was worried he’d cum quickly. He thought if I’d given him oral sex first, we could have a break then have sex later, and he’d last longer, and that he was actually thinking about my needs (not entirely convinced on the last part).

It’s killed my attraction to him now I think, I’m not sure how to get back to the place I was at before.

AIBU?

If other men are anything like my oh, they don’t care what your pubes look like - they just like having sex with you. I decide what ‘style’ to go for based on my own comfort.

This!

Pubic hair has nothing to do with this thread!

l have been 100% with the OP throughout, But it has nothing to do with pubic hair removal.

l have have regular (every 4 weeks) Hollywood waxes. It no more makes me look pre-pubescent than woman who shave their underarms, shave their legs or, indeed, men who shave their face.

In nature, pubic hair retains the scent for mating. But the body was not designed, it evolved.

Yes the notion doesn't really add up because for many women who do it they often try to really enhance their womanly bodies, fancy bras, or push up or whatever to really try to enhance and emphasise what they have, corsets etc.
Makes no sense to make out that women want to look like pre-pubescent children (or men want them to look like that) just down there but want the rest of their body to look like a womans body.

Also no one says that when women shave their legs or armpits that they're trying to look like they have a childs legs or armpits!

Why feel bad for him? I find this unreasonable. Suicidal empathy is a thing in women and it's dangerous. Of course he knew he was testing and pushing, he manages to be a fully functioning adult in all other parts of life.

If I have one bit of advice for young women (actually I have a lot 😂) it is always assume men know precisely what they are doing - because they do. They're not children and they are fully capable of not messing up when it might be dangerous for them, or harmful to them. A 33 year old man speaking to you like this before you'd even had sex is, at best, pathetic and selfish.

He didn't care about you, he just wanted to use you for sex and so from his point of view it's cost him nothing testing you out, because he will just move on to the next set of orifices (that is not what you are, but it is how he and other men who behave like this see you).

The only thing you did wrong was to talk to him afterwards. A quick text explaining what he did wrong and then blocking him on all channels would have meant you didn't have to listen to his excuse making and he didn't get a chance to try to make you feel sorry for him.

Ask yourself how you'd feel if someone treated your mum, little sister or other woman you feel protective towards like this. That should wipe out any potentially dangerous and unnecessary pity for men's choices to behave badly in future.

By the way, being strangled by partners "lightly" or otherwise is extremely weird and absolutely not normal. At all. It is dangerous and has led to many deaths and men who want to strangle women are dangerous and should always be avoided. I can see you won't listen to that reality but still felt it was necessary to repeat it as many others have done.

Oh, and by the way, hairless fannies and ripping your pubes out to please men only became popular and "normalised", though it's not normal, of course, with the rise of porn. The makers of filmed prostitution wanted to be able to see the woman's genitals clearly and started forcing the prostitutes they employed to shave everything off. It has evolved directly, clearly and irrefutably from porn addiction and a pornified society.

And yep a lot of men force/coerce women to rip the hair out of their fanny, though many are also quite happy to just have access to sex and don't care. But it very very very definitely came from the men who pornified society.

You can tell yourself whatever fairy story you like about having your pubes ripped out, electrified away etc but nobody believes you. Not even you 😅

No, plenty of people do in fact believe it seeing as they do it themselves and understand their own minds far better than you do.

You know there's actually couples out there too where a woman wants to be bare and the man asks her to grow some hair and she refuses? And there's plenty of single and celibate women who also remove theirs.

It's just weird to be so bothered about what other people do with their pubic hair and to be so dogmatic about your views.

Stop being such a weirdly pornified creep and stop trying to silence normal women. Normal = standard and average. You're not normal and are extremely dogmatic in your attempts to coerce, bully and harm other women by silencing them.

So bizarrre that you are so triggered and enraged that ten seconds after someone states a fact you start trying to creepily talk down to them, try to creepily push your porn views onto normal people.

Off you pop you have nothing to say that anybody wants to listen to.

I'm not in any way a weirdly pornified creep.
I am a normal woman. I have my own preferences. I am perfectly happy for other women to have their own preferences.
What I'm not ok with is people like trying to patronise women telling them you know better than them about their own thoughts.

Enraged? I think that's you. YOU are also the person who talked down to women before you with this 'nobody believes you, not even you' nonsense and I called it out.

WTAF has got into people on this thread.
I think you must be the same abusive poster as yesterday after creating a new account who repeatedly attacked and bullied me and had all of their posts deleted, while mine remained intact seeing as I wasn't doing anything wrong.

Absolute lunatic. You're the one exhibiting rage here. Talk about projection.

I’ve slept with a fair number of men of different ages in the last year or two (no judgement!) and in my experience most men are entirely shaven.

I, on the other hand, am not, and no man has EVER mentioned it.

I have no pubic hair and only a complete moron would confuse my middle-aged body with that of a pre-pubescent girl.

Yikes, I saw that happening a few years ago, men were talking about getting shaved down there all over Twitter, I was following some weird accounts - not porn accounts but some were definitely what you might call robust. I outgrew my Twitter phase, thank feck.

I think - I may be wrong in this - but I think men shaving down there is an attempt to make their penis look bigger 😅

Anyway, yes I didn't say all men want it, but it did come from porn, that's not a debate at this point - the rise of hairless vulvas came directly from porn and was not a sudden desire on the part of women.

It's dying down a bit now too, I think, at least the idea that it is a "must have" rather than just optional. I remember shaving down there once when I was young, I literally got the idea from a porn magazine I'd found in my boyfriend's dad's shed as this was before the internet - I know that sounds like a cliche but it's true 😅I hated the way it felt growing back in, and it made the sensitive skin itchy so I never did it again.

I wouldn’t even bother responding to this person… 😳😂

They started harassing me within ten seconds of me posting my factual comment. It would be utterly fantastic if they just fucked off and stopped constantly harassing me tbh, so thanks for that.

Thank you! I am so relieved that someone else can see it 😅

I start from the point that people can do anything they like with their bodies. People can have sex with anyone they want. If that involves the exchange of money then that is completely a matter for them. Prostitution is just a word you have chosen to use because of its moral connotations. The more we can keep other people's morality or of things the better.

You are making wildly subjective assumptions about other people's agency, which is very moralistic. Back in the 80s I had a friend who confided to me that she had been working on those sex telephone lines that were the thing back then. I was more judgemental then than I would be now and I do regret that I wasn't more sympathetic, which i think she was hoping for when she told me. She said she felt safe. The firm she worked for had installed a phone so she didn't use her own. She quite enjoyed helping the men who called to orgasm, although she didn't get turned on herself. She could do it all from the comfort of her own home and made some pin money. I asked her what the men were like. They seemed to be pretty much the same as men in real life. Some hung up as they hit the vinegar stroke, some stayed on line to thank her and component her on her pillow talk.

You can't assume that women can't make their own choices just because they don't align with your values.

Nobody harassed you! Your posts make you look completely unhinged!

Just a reminder, the attempted normalisation of ripping the hair out of your fanny or using electricity to damage the hairs irreversibly came about because of porn.

Pornographers wanted their filmed prostitutes to have their genitals on full display.

This is not a debate, or a discussion, just a fact. It's well documented, studied and evidence.

Facts don't care how you feel 😍

"The Preference of Women and Men Regarding Female Genital Depilation" (PMC, 2023): Playboy analysis shows decreasing pubic hair over decades, influencing younger preferences for hairless genitalia via porn exposure.

"Attitudes and practices associated with pubic hair grooming behaviours: A cross‐sectional study" (Australian and New Zealand Journal of Obstetrics and Gynaecology, 2023): 69.7% of female groomers watch porn, linking it to aesthetic and sexual satisfaction drivers.

"The contribution of online content to the promotion and normalisation of female genital cosmetic surgery: a systematic review of the literature" (BMC Women's Health, 2015): Porn promotes "Barbie Doll" vulva ideal with no labia visibility, tied to hair removal popularity.

"Pubic hair and sexuality: a review" (PubMed, 2009): Current hair removal trend linked to increased accessibility of Internet-based pornography.

"Pubic hair and its removal: A practice beyond the personal" (ResearchGate, 2016): Porn presents uniform hairless vulvas, influencing women's genital modification for aesthetics.

"Female Genitalia in Pornography: The Source of Labiaplasty Trends?" (ScienceDirect, 2022): Porn drives hair removal trends, with 56% of top videos showing complete female pubic shaving.

"How the History of Pubic Hair Removal Exposes Society's Illusions About Your Body" (Everyday Feminism, 2015): Internet porn (30% of web content) solidifies hairless vulva as beauty ideal, per studies on young women.

There are shit tons more articles and studies on it too. YW.

Your post is mainly filler where you ignore what I said and respond to things nobody said, so there's nothing to respond to.

I do find it boring the way creepy men and manpanderers try desperately to derail realities and proper discussions about women. So I am just going to keep quoting my own post to make sure it's at the bottom of the discussion, while ignoring their ad hominems, logical fallacies and personal abuse.

I isolated the word prostitute from the rest of your moralising. Glad to be of service.

So yeah, the attempted normalisation of no pubes is a direct result of porn. YW :)