New guy put me off right before we had sex for the first time

[Brooklans]

Just wondering if this would put anyone else off or if I’m being a bit silly.

Background info: I’ve been single for 7 months. Had a few dates here and there, but not slept with anyone since breaking up with ex-dp, as I didn’t like anyone enough to do so. I have been seeing this guy for a month now, and we were about to have sex for the first time over the weekend, but I got put off and left early.

We were at his house, first time I’d been over there. Sat on the sofa watching tv, we were hugging and began kissing. It had been no longer than 15-20 seconds into kissing, our clothes were still on, no foreplay or heavy petting, when he said
”Suck me off and make me cum first” (before we have sex, he meant)

It was just so premature and abrupt, it turned me off. It didn’t feel natural in anyway. I was planning on eventually giving him oral sex, but the fact that he ‘ordered’ me to do it quickly, while we still had our clothes on, sat on his sofa, it felt so transactional.

After he said it, my face must have showed some disgust or disappointment. I sat there and he asked me what was wrong, I said “You’ve ruined the mood”

He apologised, he said his reason for saying that was because he was worried he’d cum quickly. He thought if I’d given him oral sex first, we could have a break then have sex later, and he’d last longer, and that he was actually thinking about my needs (not entirely convinced on the last part).

It’s killed my attraction to him now I think, I’m not sure how to get back to the place I was at before.

AIBU?

I don’t mind a bit of hair pulling and choking in the heat of the moment with a partner…

Are you being serious? Both are demeaning but CHOKING is bloody dangerous,

FFS…

I have never had a partner who’s choked me anywhere near the point of me passing out. It’s more like a firm grip, they’re very conscious about grabbing too strongly.

Unfortunately there is no safe way to choke someone, even putting the amount of pressure on the throat you would use to open a soft drink can can cause long term damage.

His comment would've seriously given me the ick, I would've scarpered, everything would have clamped shut 😂

Come on, sex doesn't always get of to a great start does it? Sometimes it needs a bit of nurturing. Are there other things you like about him? Can you just talk to him lightly about it? Bit of humour so no one gets too traumatised?

You do know men are different from women don't you. That's why gay guys get up to so much. No waiting for women to get into the mood.

If there is nothing else you like about him and you just wanted a shag then you're probably best waiting for the right man to come along. But if you find him fun in other ways you could at least try to find a way through. It's not as though he wanted to take you dogging on the first date is it?

Because it’s a disgusting way to speak to a woman. I get it 💯. A comment like that would make me clamp my legs shut out of reflex. Bye—no matter what I had considered doing with him previously. Everything would be off the table now.

Oh, you do have so much to learn….

Men are from mars and women are from Venus.

Yes and no, he could at least have waited until they were semi undressed or in bed before asking for BJs.

to be fair, i’d probably make an exception for gregory peck 😁

Yes, talk to him lightly op. Don’t upset the poor lamb 🙄

Yep strangulation, as it is properly known, causes strokes, mini strokes, brain damage and any man who strangles you is MUCH more likely to kill you.

Strangulation during sex is also being used by men who deliberately murder women and then pretend it was "rough sex" gone wrong.

wecantconsenttothis dot uk

Porn brain has destroyed sex and relationships.

Absolutely. Immediate Sahara desert, all attraction gone forever.

If I say Fuck Off will you pretend to be offended and report this comment?

Please do though, fuck off, forever. When you get to forever keep fucking off. Then fuck off a bit further.

Repeat until the universe implodes.

Worrying that attitudes like this exist, isn’t it?

Oh my goodness. Yes OP you’re right, that is a complete turn-off. I’m from the 1980’s and that kind of behaviour just wouldn’t have happened, let alone been tolerated. I don’t know what’s happened to men but it’s not great is it? Take it from an old (and therefore wise) woman that these little tossers are not worth a second of your time. Utterly revolting. Women are less so I think you’ll find.

”Suck me off and make me cum first”

They're porn sick weirdos. That's what happened to them.

Tell him to have a wank first.

Yes I suppose. A lot to do with age as well. Pissed 20 year olds wouldn't be phased by it.

I despair for the younger generation of women then if a demand for oral sex before he’s even attempted to pleasure his partner (or even taken clothes off) is met with acceptance.

Well what's the alternative if the op does have an interest in him beyond sex? 'You're shite in bed' doesn't usually improve anyone's performance does it?

Don't know what things were like when you were 20 but it was a time of great experimentation for me. Often undertaken under general anaesthetic to overcome the inherent awkwardness.

Don't you mean "New guy put me off right before we didn't have sex for the first time"? And rightly so!

Sorry to have upset you. I am genuinely not sure why you are so triggered.

Would it help if I deleted my post?