Cleaner invited friends over AIBU

[Nestingbirds]

We have an arrangement with our cleaner that she takes care of our animals when we are away for a few days. She usually stays in the annexe but this time stayed in our house due to refurbishment.

We had an agreement when this started that we would prefer she didn’t have visitors apart from her long term boyfriend. He is away atm. She was totally on board, and said she would feel the same if it was her house.

We pay her really really well, and leave her lots of treats including fresh flowers. She told me she likes the time she has to herself, and all is well.

Only our neighbour texted me to say there are people coming and going from our house and sent me her ring doorbell footage. Not only is she having friends over, she isn’t actually spending time with the animals or cleaning (we pay her separately for both) as the rest of the time she has been out. We never leave our dog all day. Whilst we obviously don’t mind her going out, and want her to be happy, I just feel taken for a ride as she is clearly not there doing either.

I have messaged her to see how she is, hoping she would be honest about her friend coming over and staying for hours in our house, but she has continued to lie to me.

I feel like I can’t trust her now. Wwyd?

How do you check the house for cameras? I really don’t think she would ever know how to do this, or would want to. I can’t see the purpose.

We didn’t ever imagine her to lie like this in the first place, and being awful to our pets we can’t really assume anything anymore.

The sad thing is we have bought her the most beautiful Christmas gift, I happened to see it whilst we were away.
Every year we have always listened to Christmas songs for the whole December, had a glass of fizz on her last day before Christmas whilst I prepared things in the kitchen. These people do become a big part of family life.

I have reported you and asked MNHQ to help me. I don’t think it’s okay what you are doing on here. It’s malignant and unhelpful.

OP, you seem like a kind and honest person, but kindly, I'd advise stopping posting and responding to your (unfounded imo) critics for your own sake.

I read this as OP noticing the things were not in her donation bag when she got to the shop to donate them?

I’ve reported a couple of posters.

I’ve just looked it up. There’s an app called Fing. You can download it and it detects cameras and IP addresses. You have to check the ones you recognise and assign them. Then if there’s any unusual ones that aren’t linked to a device of your own, you know something is up!

I'm sure many of us are reporting certain posts, there are some very 'odd' people about. MN has made my opinion of the human race plummet in recent years.

OP, kindly, this all sounds really dramatic and borderline unhealthy.

I think you need to move on from this now, but own your part in massively blurring the boundaries between employer and employee... All the gifts and perks will almost always invite some level of abuse, which in this case, was your kindness.

I speak as someone who has had all forms of home help over the years. Yes, you have invited them into your home and want all parties to feel comfortable etc. however, you are paying them to be there. This woman exploited how much you trusted her, and I understand how this feels. Don't let someone become so familiar again is my advice.

Have you been to the vets to check if your dog has a UTI? If he/she was left inside, unable to access the garden/loo for long periods, they may have brewed up an infection.

To be fair OP you said this:

Maybe I shouldn’t have overlooked the other red flags. I won’t go into them too much, they will be outing, but she took a lot of the clothes we were taking to the charity shop without asking, and now can be seen in my/our clothes.

And then this:

I only saw her once in an old jumper of mine, I did ask her directly if she had been helping herself to the charity bags. She said she didn’t think I would mind, and she had moved house and was struggling a bit financially. I offered to give her anything next time but she has never taken me up on the offer since. I had stopped mentioning after the first few times, as I think it caused her some embarrassment.

Perhaps other people saw her in yours and your family's clothes and told you? Or you assumed? It's not clear.

Oh no that’s not good , I’d fit in a vet visit as she might get a UTI / have a UTI if she’s been holding her wee the poor little thing xx

Why are you replying to them then?

There are so many supportive helpful posts on here which you arent replying to (fine, your choice) but this person you KEEP quoting and answering.

It's like giving attention to an annoying child - of course they will keep on until you ignore them

I just ready your latest update regarding your poor dog. Is it worth leaving him in the garden for longer periods of time? To get him used to weeing outside again?

Agree with this 👆

I hope you've reported them. This seems to be wandering toward criminal neglect of an animal.

I have got an appointment with the vet tomorrow. As she is going to the loo inside almost all of the time, and she has never done that before.

She seems quiet and subdued, after her initial excitement when we came back. I guess she must have held on all day for some of those days the cleaner was out, and it may have caused a problem. I am hoping she has just got out of practice.

Along with losing money for our last night on holiday when we couldn’t stay, the locksmith fees were extortionate, vet fees, missing wine etc etc the costs are really mounting up.

Poor you OP, and your poor doggie.

People can be really strange on here, especially on AIBU, and I think from the phrases some of the current trolls use they must be bored teenagers. Some people see AIBU as an opportunity to vent whatever unpleasant emotion they are full of. But you also get strange posters on the education or parenting boards, opining and judging when anyone has a problem, not to mention kicking people when they’re down. Best to ignore or quietly report these people and not give them the attention they crave.