Cleaner invited friends over AIBU

[Nestingbirds]

We have an arrangement with our cleaner that she takes care of our animals when we are away for a few days. She usually stays in the annexe but this time stayed in our house due to refurbishment.

We had an agreement when this started that we would prefer she didn’t have visitors apart from her long term boyfriend. He is away atm. She was totally on board, and said she would feel the same if it was her house.

We pay her really really well, and leave her lots of treats including fresh flowers. She told me she likes the time she has to herself, and all is well.

Only our neighbour texted me to say there are people coming and going from our house and sent me her ring doorbell footage. Not only is she having friends over, she isn’t actually spending time with the animals or cleaning (we pay her separately for both) as the rest of the time she has been out. We never leave our dog all day. Whilst we obviously don’t mind her going out, and want her to be happy, I just feel taken for a ride as she is clearly not there doing either.

I have messaged her to see how she is, hoping she would be honest about her friend coming over and staying for hours in our house, but she has continued to lie to me.

I feel like I can’t trust her now. Wwyd?

She still wants something from you, doesn't she? How normal is it for a sacked person to give their ex-employer a gift?!

Is she trying to minimise it? Is she trying to lay down some proof that you 'parted on good terms' so that she can 'legitimately' use you as a reference? Or even stop you taking legal action if you discover she's done something worse? ('See, we gave each other gifts, that's why I have the ---')?

Even if she is trying to genuinely atone - she doesn't get that, she doesn't get to feel better about herself - she doesn't get to decide if you have forgiven her.

When someone is this bad, you just want them out of your life, don't you...

Well done on arranging to get the locks changed.

Just tell your husband to say no to her. You don't need a gift and you certainly don't need a letter designed to pull at your heartstrings, beg forgiveness, make excuses or 'explaining' what's going on in her life that made her 'let you down' etc. You don't need it and she's scrabbling to save the situation because she was hoping that you would give her a second chance and not sack her. She hopes to talk you round and give her the job back by turning on the tears etc. When your husband replies to her, he needs to clearly state that neither of you wish to have any further contact going forward and she is not to contact you again. She was probably certain that you would be too soft to get rid of her and now she's in a panic at having lost what is a good gig for her.

Your gut is telling you not to trust her so listen to it and refuse any further contact. I hope you've got cameras coming soon.

Oh the irony

Why don't YOU unfollow the thread and move on?

Can you put your dog in kennels?

I’d definitely not be accepting any gifts. It’s good she’s contacting your DH and not you. He can send a businesslike message saying “We prefer to draw a line under the situation and do not wish to discuss things further. Please donate the gift to a charity shop.”

And trying to use your husband to get to you... classic triangulation, manipulative... what a nasty piece of work she really is...

I hope your animals are settling down nicely with you now! ❤️

That’s appalling…the whole scenario. She must go. You don’t want people in your house that you don’t know fgs. Your poor dog must be very confused. Get a house /dog sitter in from a company or send your dog to a house where they will take in single dogs.

What ever you decide your cleaner should go..and go with a flea in her ear.

this!

The thread can drag out as long as it wants. The OP’s continued contact or consideration of contact is just weird IMO. Mind you her husband was considering keeping the cleaner on only hours after trawling through their accounts presumably to check the same cleaner hadn’t ripped them off. Also weird.

Bit more than that though isn’t it 🙄

We have sent a very curt matter of fact text that we do not wish to receive any presents or contact from her again, that nothing can repair the breach of trust that has taken place. Blocked her number on both of our phones.

I have been way too nice to her, and looking back I can see it has led to a loss of respect, not a good working relationship.

It’s made me question all of my relationships both working and personal today.

Although this was all on her, I do think I need to really consider my own responses to poor behaviour. How much I was willing to tolerate before finally dismissing her. Yes she is callous and a liar, but I should have been quicker to replace her when she started to get too comfortable/complacent/rude.

Please ask your husband to message that a gift and letter is not necessary nor wanted. She hopes to pressure you face to face or she would have posted it. Also do block her, if her ploys to get her job back don't work, she could get spiteful and nasty.
You mentioned recommending her to a friend. I would just reach out and say to your friend that without going into too much detail, you have let her go. You can say it wasn't to do with the standard of cleaning but other issues that you aren't happy with. It's up to you how much detail you give depending on how friendly you are. If you say nothing and this friend has problems, she won't be happy you withheld information. It's then up to her. She might be home while she is cleaning and decide to keep her on or she might have given her keys and decide that she wants to make other access arrangements. Please also ignore the trolls, I have to wonder what some of them are on......they are desperate for an 'a-ha, caught you out' moments.

Matter of fact and a full stop is exactly the way to go. It’s a cliche, but you can’t control how other people behave. That’s on them. You can only control what you do and how you respond to their behaviour. If the whole thing gives you clarity on what you might do differently in the future then it’s not a complete waste of time. You don’t have to stop being nice, just maybe be more assertive.

Anyway the present was probably your bottle of wine.

Get rid. The trust has gone now, but for me it would be the fact it’s active dishonesty, she chose to be dishonest and chose to not fulfil her job role, whilst still being paid generously by you.

I don’t find this odd or an omission. They are step children, not her bio children so she is still correct to she doesn’t have children - she’s not their Mum!

Howver the neglect of the animals would have me furious and I would def be letting her go, and letting her know why. Silly woman.

Umm motion activated?

There are many dogs who can’t be put to kennels for various reasons - often rescues or fearful dogs can’t cope with being in such close proximity to other dogs all day long.

but she took a lot of the clothes we were taking to the charity shop without asking, and now can be seen in my/our clothes.

sorry if you’ve answered, but when you confronted her about this theft - what did she say?

Me too. I’d be sitting on the sofa when she returned with my hand out for the keys.

Don't be too hard on yourself, you're clearly a genuinely nice person whose only mistake was thinking everyone was the same.

Still goading the OP I see. Perhaps you should move on.

I’m in north Scotland and a good cleaner around here is at least £15 per hour and the best super efficient ones are £20 per hour, so I can totally believe it could easily be £25 per hour somewhere down south. Maybe that’s why the cleaner only needs one other client than OP!

It’s in the best interest of your dog to just go home. I am usually very very fair and mostly don’t care for the usual stuff posted here MIL drama/baby entitlements etc BUT the thought of your poor dog being neglected… just go home. Change your locks and be done with her. It’s uber sneaky to be sending pictures when she is out. I could probably overlook the visitors as long as the dogs needs were being met but it isn’t. Sorry OP go home to your pet.

ps: I don’t know what is wrong with people. My cleaner charged me for 3 hours but would leave 30 min earlier and still expected full pay. Even though she left before finishing. First two times I let it go third time I just only paid for the hours she worked. I too, checked the ring door bell (even though I was looking at it for my missing package rather than her start end end times)

RTFT

Do keep up!