Cleaner invited friends over AIBU

[Nestingbirds]

We have an arrangement with our cleaner that she takes care of our animals when we are away for a few days. She usually stays in the annexe but this time stayed in our house due to refurbishment.

We had an agreement when this started that we would prefer she didn’t have visitors apart from her long term boyfriend. He is away atm. She was totally on board, and said she would feel the same if it was her house.

We pay her really really well, and leave her lots of treats including fresh flowers. She told me she likes the time she has to herself, and all is well.

Only our neighbour texted me to say there are people coming and going from our house and sent me her ring doorbell footage. Not only is she having friends over, she isn’t actually spending time with the animals or cleaning (we pay her separately for both) as the rest of the time she has been out. We never leave our dog all day. Whilst we obviously don’t mind her going out, and want her to be happy, I just feel taken for a ride as she is clearly not there doing either.

I have messaged her to see how she is, hoping she would be honest about her friend coming over and staying for hours in our house, but she has continued to lie to me.

I feel like I can’t trust her now. Wwyd?

We did pay her, as she did stay over night for most of the time we were away, and for one clean. Not the other clean as it hasn’t been done. Some may feel we shouldn’t have paid anything, but we would rather just do what feels fair and right to us, we have terminated her employment. We are getting the locks changed this afternoon and wfh. I thought that would be the end of it. I am actually feeling a bit better now, and I’d much rather be shot of her rather than things deteriorate further, and become horrible in our house.

This morning she texted my husband to say how sorry she is, she knows how upset I am, and she has a present and a letter for me that she needs to drop off when would it be convenient.

I haven’t actually blocked her yet, she hasn’t texted me today at all, not a word since yesterday. I don’t know if she means to make amends, or if this is just a ploy to try and get her job back.

How do you know she's leaving the dog for long periods. Has your neighbour seen her leave & then times her being out? Could it be she's popped out to the shop of for an hour with friends & your neighbour hasn't seen her return & so assumed she's been out all day? I'd wait until you're home & ask her about it. Say you've notified on your phone of comings & goings & it appears she's been out a lot & the dog has been left on it's own longer than was agreed. See what she says. If she continues to lie it's time for her to leave. If the trust isn't there your relationship with her isn't going to work going forward & her cleaning your home whilst you're out will have you worried.

Not looking after my dog would be the end. But, these people she has in the house, how do you know what they are doing, they could be looking in drawers at private letters etc etc. sorry but I'd be asking what she was thinking having strangers in my house, then she would be gone!!!

It's entirely possible to believe that the cleaner behaved terribly while also loving animals so much that it makes people wonder why anyone would leave their precious pets with someone who makes them nervous, and has exhibited behaviour such as, but not limited to, burning clothes, impersonating them, taking clothes meant for charity, and having to be reminded what the bare minimum of professionalism looks like (i.e. not watching films while working).

I think the post would have been received differently had the OP's position been "We've had zero concerns up until this point. There have never been any issues and we feel really let down". I'm not sure the drip feed and ongoing ramping up of the cleaners misdemeanours helped much either tbh.

You need to RTFT, it’s all there!

I think she may be trying to mollify you and get the job back - but my response in your place would be "Thank you, but I cannot trust you ever again." And leave it there.

Why on earth are you determined to drag this out? You've made your decision, just block her and move on.

@Nestingbirds she can drop it off after the locks have been changed (she doesn’t need to know that) and leave it on the step. Or post it. Or not bother because a gift unnecessary/inappropriate. Too little, too late.

You have been very rude throughout this thread, and I am beginning to wonder if you are my cleaner or something! You sound so angry and I have no idea why.

Thanks for asking, we will feel much better this morning, I doubt we would feel any better with a letter or a gift. I’d rather she stayed away from us.

now the realisation has set in for this woman it is far too late,your poor pets suffered because of her and the job she was paid to do was not done properly.if anyone treated my pets like that,then finished end of.

Why would I be angry? And I think you are mistaking disagreement for rudeness. You produced a litany of things this cleaner had done wrong over the years she has worked for you. You said she made you nervous and I queried why, given all that, you would even consider leaving your pets with her. It's not something I'd do, but you do you. You seem to be cross that other people have different perspectives.

And I stand by earlier comments. You seem to have really blurred boundaries with this woman, you seemed unable or unwilling to assert yourself and now you continue to let it go on. You take it as rudeness if you like, but moving forward, if you don't want to be in the same position again, I feel like you need to learn something from this and change how you communicate and relate to anyone performing a similar role in the future. Start by just being glad she's gone and moving on.

Unfortunately, in all areas of life there are those people who will take advantage of good natures and get away with whatever they can. I’m so sorry OP that this lady turned out to be this way and I don’t find your feelings extraordinary.
Our parents hit the phase where they wanted additional paid help to clean and maintain their homes. Although there are many hardworking people who work regularly in other people’s homes in a respectful way, they aren’t always easy to find. I have done this myself on occasion and could not imagine behaving as your cleaner/pet sitter has done. Not looking after your dog and cat’s needs is particularly awful. It isn’t that hard to be honest and do the job one has been paid for!
The letter and the gift reads to me that she doesn’t want you to think this badly of her. You don’t need to let her control the narrative in this way.

Then refrain from posting until you do have time.

It's not compulsory to comment.

I wasn't going to comment as by the time I saw this thread she had - quite rightly - been sacked. However as some people are implying you are dragging this out I will say that I would feel exactly as you do if my cat and dog had been treated like that, I cannot overstate how angry I would be and not just for 24 hours. We pay for someone to live in any time we are away, even if we take the dog with us, so the cat has company and are very clear how much care and exercise we expect.
A letter and a present for you!!! She obviously has realised how totally she has cocked up and possibly is hoping you might take her back if she is deluded enough. An actual animal lover would never do this, you should at least be glad it won't ever happen again. We have CCTV covering the front of our house (with a clear sign in the window) and would absolutely check the dog was being walked as I have heard horror stories in the past and in the days before Ring doorbells who even knew what happened.

Obviously don't go accepting any ' gifts ' .

You think someone concerned about animal welfare is "stirring the pot"? Odd .

I guessed you wouldn't have heard the last of her.
If I were you I would say that you would not accept the letter, or gift, and that she is not invited to be 'dropping off' anything ever.
She is still taking control and calling the shots here.

You sound lovely OP. I feel so sorry for your animals and it’s heartbreaking they were not cared for.

This. She comes across as manipulative; a person I would grey rock.

You give someone an inch and they take a mile. I would be terminating her employment immediately.

I would not be accepting anything from this woman apart from radio silence.

Her employment has already been terminated.

Glad you've been able to end the situation, OP. I think I'd say that there's no need for a present etc, you'd just prefer to draw a line under everything.

I've every sympathy for how difficult you've found this. It's a strange situation employing someone in your home, and I think it's easy to blur boundaries because you want to feel more like it's a friendly relationship to stop it feeling intrusive or exploitative. It's not that it's intrinsically either of those things, but it definitely doesn't feel like a manager/employee relationship in the workplace. I've both been a cleaner and (briefly, until it felt too complicated!) employed a cleaner, and there were often complex dynamics at play both ways.

FWIW, she may not have been setting out deliberately to exploit you or be dishonest. I'm not saying this to excuse her, and the treatment of your animals is awful. But it may be that she just found her standards gradually eroding a little over time, a bit like being in a relationship where you take each other for granted and make less of an effort. This obviously isn't ok, and not what you pay someone for, I'm just mentioning it because you may be feeling angry and upset, like you've been made a fool of, and it could be that she never intended this. Going forwards, it sounds like you'll keep better boundaries in place. Addressing any issues as soon as they arise in a friendly way is ultimately a better way of avoiding confrontation than letting them escalate.

I would tell your husband to tell her not to come near your home.
You are absolutely disgusted by her behaviour and have wish to have anything further to do with her.
You paid her well and fairly and she completely broke the agreement and neglected your dog, her core duty.
She has been extremely dishonest in her actions and you want nothing further to do with her.
I would also say we have changed the locks on our home due to her actions.

That will tell her exactly how dishonest you believe her to be.

Keep all texts, you never know when they might be useful.

Yes entitled to a personal life outside of work,not neglecting animals and not doing the actual job she was paid to do.we have a camera doorbell that does capture our neighbours,not purposely but focused on my husbands van with tools in.!!!