Cleaner invited friends over AIBU

[Nestingbirds]

We have an arrangement with our cleaner that she takes care of our animals when we are away for a few days. She usually stays in the annexe but this time stayed in our house due to refurbishment.

We had an agreement when this started that we would prefer she didn’t have visitors apart from her long term boyfriend. He is away atm. She was totally on board, and said she would feel the same if it was her house.

We pay her really really well, and leave her lots of treats including fresh flowers. She told me she likes the time she has to herself, and all is well.

Only our neighbour texted me to say there are people coming and going from our house and sent me her ring doorbell footage. Not only is she having friends over, she isn’t actually spending time with the animals or cleaning (we pay her separately for both) as the rest of the time she has been out. We never leave our dog all day. Whilst we obviously don’t mind her going out, and want her to be happy, I just feel taken for a ride as she is clearly not there doing either.

I have messaged her to see how she is, hoping she would be honest about her friend coming over and staying for hours in our house, but she has continued to lie to me.

I feel like I can’t trust her now. Wwyd?

😂

Maybe the gift she wanted to give you is the bottle of wine she made off with.

So it can cry for hours, be shut in and not be walked again? Just what OP wants for her poor dog again!
Very few dogs do well in kennels, they are stressful environments with little exercise and they are confined to tiny spaces for long periods.

I only have family look after my dogs in my home now as anything else is too stressful for me and them and i'd be miserable on holiday so not worth it.
They need an awful lot of off lead running for miles every day to keep them happy. I know my family will provide this and my dogs are happy at home and with people that really care for them as well as I do.

OP I really feel for you, your trust and generosity has been completely taken advantage of and that is a real violation when your home and animals are involved. I agree that you need to ignore any gifts from her and don't give her the opportunity to explain now she's had a chance to think about her situation.
She neglected your pets, there is no excusing that.

I've had cleaners in the past but never again after them either not cleaning properly or breaking expensive items.

I’m raging on your behalf op. You sound like the most wonderful and generous employers and you don’t deserve to be treated this way. Thank goodness for your neighbour and i hope your poor dog is ok now.

well done for realising you needed to dismiss this callous person. And for doing all of this despite not wanting confrontation. It’s a horrible situation and you’ve dealt with it well.

I wish I lived nearby and I would look after your dog anytime.

I hope tonight you can have a calm night with your family and relax and think thank goodness that’s over.

good luck and I hope you find a very lovely cleaner soon.

Self reflection is always good OP and perhaps it will help you strengthen your boundaries.

She undoubtedly used your love of your dog and your primary concern for its comfort as a way to manipulate you and take advantage.

Learn from this and it will have some value.
Her name would be mud in my mouth thats for sure.

I bet reputational damage was her motive for visiting you with a gift.
Blocking her was the correct move.

The only thing I’m still a bit confused about is her role in the house. She’s described as a cleaner and occasional house sitter for holidays but OP says she was also answering the door and speaking to tradesmen even when OP was there. Was she more of a general housekeeper than just a cleaner OP?

It’s not relevant to her failing to look after your dog properly, and you were right to get rid of her.

It just sounds as she was doing more than her actual role which could have contributed to those boundaries blurring. Again just for clarity, I’m in no way excusing her leaving a dog unattended when she was paid to look after it! But it might be worth ensuring that the next person is only expected to clean and nothing more. Clear and fair expectations on both sides are needed.

If OP works from home that is perfectly normal. My cleaner answers the door when I'm in the house, because I'm working. It's just part of her job. She doesn't pretend to be me, though. Amazon etc don't care who answers the door, though.

I really have. It pretty much boils down to this no?

Cool

This thread is Mumsnet gold with all the little fights breaking out between everyone in the comments.

Sorry it was so derailed, OP. And sorry that this happened; I still haven't got my head around what you meant about her pretending to be you, but there's no excuse for leaving your dog unattended for all that time, and I'm glad you've got rid of her.

We take our dog abroad in the car. It's really easy. A different type of holiday but we've found no problem with accommodation
We usually book houses but we've done overnight in hotels no problem

Are you the cleaner’s Mum? Wow so nasty to OP!

Ah, that's interesting, thanks! I have quite a few friends who have cleaners and most definitely none of those would ever dream of answering the door or ordering tradesmen around, regardless of who was in or out. They would clean - and are very good at that - but definitely nothing more.

If I worked at home and had a cleaner I'd expect her to answer the door unless I was on a break or right next to the door or something. It just makes sense if whatever she's doing is easier to stop and restart

Agree.

Oh I’d be giving her hell! Your poor dog!!!

Honestly, I've never known a cleaner to do that! I wouldn't say answering the door (or other household general tasks like speaking to the tradesmen) falls within a cleaner's remit. If they've got rubber gloves on and are midway through cleaning the toilet upstairs I think it's a bit off to expect them to stop what they're doing to answer the door.

You pay the cleaner for X number of hours and during that time they're expected to get the cleaning jobs done. I think it's unfair to expect them to do other things in the allotted time.

Even that aside, the cleaner takes in a parcel for a neighbour who you don't get on with, or signs for goods that are damaged/incomplete, which then creates a liability issue. Other than being unfair to the cleaner, I just think it's fraught with potential difficulties.

On a more practical note, my friend's cleaner wears headphones when she cleans, she'd never hear the front door 😂

OMG do denigrate the cleaners of this world.
Obviously what they do is unimportant.

That wouldn't work for me. My cleaner is paid to clean, not to wear headphones listening to music or podcasts. And answering the door is certainly part of the job, although I wouldn't expect them to deal with workmen, of course.

Ultimately it doesn’t matter whether the cleaner answers the door or not if you’re happy for them to do it. What we’ve learnt here is, if you’re not happy, nip it in the bud.

Don't be absurd. Obviously it is easier to stop wiping a shelf or hoovering than it is to stop midway through a zoom call! What a silly post.

..........although I wouldn't expect them to deal with workmen, of course

Oh, naturally not.
But how would you deal with workmen if you were on a zoom call when they needed to be dealt with?

That seems really strange.

Listening to music doesn't affect your ability to clean - if anything it can help you to move more quickly, hence why music is often used for exercise etc.

Saying a cleaner can't have headphones on while they work is oddly controlling when it doesn't affect their ability to do the job.

If your cleaner answers the door for you then that's great, same as anyone else, but it's absolutely not "cleaning" which is what you're paying them to do. Cleaners aren't a general housekeeping service where all types of domestic duties are included, such as answering the door.

I can see with a long-term and trusted cleaner, they may well agree to do that for you, but a cleaner would be well within their rights to refuse because it's not cleaning. And it could actually be to their detriment as it could affect the amount of cleaning work they get through.

Eh, denigrating? Obviously it's easier and quicker to stop a cleaning task than it is to excuse yourself from an online meeting, turn off your camera, take off headphones and then do the reverse and rejoin.

Isn't it perfectly clear that this is a situation where common sense comes into play, there's no need to be so chippy.

In fairness, the comment was about "working from home", not specifically being in an online meeting. When DP WFH I'd say he spent less than two hours per week on Teams, sometimes less.

Unless you're in a meeting, I'd argue that it's easier to step away from a laptop to answer the door, than to stop cleaning and answer the door.

If you are in a meeting, stopping to answer the door is a bit of a ballache. Still not the cleaner's job though.