Cleaner invited friends over AIBU

[Nestingbirds]

We have an arrangement with our cleaner that she takes care of our animals when we are away for a few days. She usually stays in the annexe but this time stayed in our house due to refurbishment.

We had an agreement when this started that we would prefer she didn’t have visitors apart from her long term boyfriend. He is away atm. She was totally on board, and said she would feel the same if it was her house.

We pay her really really well, and leave her lots of treats including fresh flowers. She told me she likes the time she has to herself, and all is well.

Only our neighbour texted me to say there are people coming and going from our house and sent me her ring doorbell footage. Not only is she having friends over, she isn’t actually spending time with the animals or cleaning (we pay her separately for both) as the rest of the time she has been out. We never leave our dog all day. Whilst we obviously don’t mind her going out, and want her to be happy, I just feel taken for a ride as she is clearly not there doing either.

I have messaged her to see how she is, hoping she would be honest about her friend coming over and staying for hours in our house, but she has continued to lie to me.

I feel like I can’t trust her now. Wwyd?

I get that. 💐
My post was practical advice.
I agreed you are right to be upset. Who wouldn't be?

You said: I have messaged her to see how she is, hoping she would be honest about her friend coming over and staying for hours in our house, but she has continued to lie to me.

That was entirely the wrong approach. You're just beating around the bush playing games.
She sees you as a pushover. You are afraid to confront her. Pay what you agreed on and dismiss her.

But, please do take security precautions.

Why should she pay her? I wouldn't and I doubt she'll have the brass neck to ask.

£80 a day plus cleaning money?? WHAT??

sorry but I wouldn’t be paying her!…. I’d tell her you can see on security footage that she has barely been there, when she is there she’s got friends over and hasn’t walked the dog, has left it alone x hours a day…… so you won’t be paying her and she’s also fired!!
Don’t pussy foot around it… tell her you’ve seen footage and she hasn’t respected you, your home or your dog!!

Don’t pay her!!!

I don’t blame you at all, but how was she callous in how she responded? She apologised and didn’t try and make excuses? And accepted you wouldn’t want her back

Are you serious?

"Yeah, sorry I'm not going to make excuses. I took advantage, had my friends (that you don't know) in your home, left your pets (that I was being paid to look after) alone for hours, as well as not walking them or letting them out.
So, we good?"

WTF?

It's a bit shit. Nobody died. Put it behind you. Move on.

And of,course YANBU to discontinue using her services. But your extreme emotional reaction and door bell footage watching seems somewhat disproportionate. And for that, YABU

Crikey! I clean for a few people and get £12.50 an hour from 2 people, one older lady said she’d pay £15ph and an old guy who is a hoarder so I work REALLY hard helping him to declutter and make his house safer for him, so £25 an hour for a simple clean and £80 to house sit seems wild to me! I walk two dogs for £10 and hour each and when I dog sat for a week (it came to my house) I only had £50 for the week and the dog was with us 24/7… we did 3 hour long forest walks, went to cafes where we could sit outside with the dog etc… the owners say the dog goes mad with excitement when they drive up to our house…. And the dog loves me when I visit their house… they joke he loves me more than them!
Im sorry your dogs been left for long periods - so sad!!

OP was only made aware of the cleaner's leaving the dog and cat indoors all weekend because the neighbour heard the dog howling, and was concerned. It was the neighbour who scanned her own camera footage and passed it onto the OP. How is that unreasonable for anyone involved? Also, most people who care about their pets would be really distressed about this.

What are you on about? It's more than 'a bit shit' it's outright theft and fraud! And how on earth is OP unreasonable to have watched the footage proving the cleaner's misconduct? I dont know what's the matter with people on this thread, I've rarely seen so many bad takes.

I think the dog's behaviour might have alerted you if it had happened before

Trust your gut! Honestly I was conned out of 90k by someone who was polished, charismatic and recommended to me by two direct family members. If I'd listened to my gut it would never have happened. You will never truly know how deep the lying goes until it's too late - your pets, home and anything else she has access to (passwords/documents in your home) could end up as collateral damage. Hope this works out for you 🙏🙏 courage mon cher

You have had a few really weird responses from people on here, makes me think they are the types to do this sort of thing themselves. Neglecting my pets would have brought down the red mist for me. Also I would hate strangers in my home especially when i had stipulated no visitors. You are right to be furious, you are totally right to fire her for misconduct. I'm pretty easy going where it just affects me but mess with my pets, or any animal and people see a very different side to me that surprises even close friends and family. Well done for being strong for them. Ignore the ones who felt the need to interrogate you, you were nicer in your responses than I would have been.

I hear you!

I'd be absolutely devastated if my dog were left for hours and not walked, and my cat not let out when she should have been.

We had a house sitter this summer for 8 nights. She is a dog-loving teenager who had her dad helping her when she had to go out or wanted to go out (eg to get her GCSE results and the school is miles away and her mum doesn't drive- divorced parents). House left clean and tidy and dog less stressed than when she'd been to boarding. That's what you need!! Our dog is very anxious and had refused to walk with teenager most days- loterally walked once in the 8 days with her. BUT her dad is experienced with dogs and persuaded DDog to go with him somehow and sent me photos (and had not met DDog before for more than 10 min and sent pics of her off lead and swimming in the river and she seemed her usual self in what he sent). Both teenager and her dad were kind to all my pets (I have hens who are extremely tame pets and one is kept alone as she has multiple disabilities), and teen worried about some of the tropical fish and asked me a lot about them too. I knew that e en if the walking situation wasn't ideal for DDog, she was not alone and was cared for well.

The leaving of the pets is the biggest betrayal. Your poor dog, left crying and unwalked.

But I do think this is not the standard thing. I think this cleaner is just not an animal person. I know it'll take a long time to trust someone else with them, but a dog lover, or animal lover, could never do that to any animal.

“I feel horrified” sorry but no. Babies being murdered by the likes of Lucy Letby is a horrifying event, Fido not getting out for a walk, is not.

Keep your perspective intact.

Disappointed and let-down, yes. Horrified, no.

You're policing OP's language, and using your own flattened affect as the yardstick?

It is a violation of trust. And involves deliberate callousness towards OP's pets.

I.would check.your House carefully.to see all you valuables and essential.documentation.are still there.Has anything gone mssing or been stolen?

Your cleaner is nothing. better than.lyimg.low life. God knows what her friends are like

I completely believe you OP. I was stolen from so many times by carers sent from an agency to look after a disabled person then living with me.
They were subtle, the Chanel No.5 box was still in the bathroom cabinet, but when I went to use it , the actual bottle was gone. Golf clubs, must have gone straight from the garage to their car and so much more. Petty cash was a fave. But with the change of shifts it's hard to pick the culprit. I would never have unsupervised strangers in my home again. ( they were there 24/7 and I couldn't possibly be).
I once came home early and found a carer had slept in my bed with her bf and been smoking in my room and cleared out my fridge and god knows what else. I sacked her the next day but the damage was done. And yes you don't want to know how I know that she was sleeping with her bf in my bed. Didn't even change the sheets, or empty the bin. I was away for 2 days and they were expecting me to be away for 3. 😢

Yes. But it is still not “horrific”

I think you’re posts are “horrific” @Thunderpants88 and Lucy letby is innocent. So there you go. People disagree with each other and there is nothing you can do

Being horrified is not just a word for babies being murdered in cold blood, anyone can be horrified. The meaning is to be extremely shocked, and that is precisely how I feel. The treatment of my dog mainly. I have known this woman for nearly half a decade, and she is nothing short of a lying fraudster. When you have known someone that long and entrusted them as we have, it is horrifying to learn who they are.

We are still having to check our house, from one end to the other, and I feel incredibly violated. I would describe the feeling now as relief we have got rid of her, deep disappointment in who she turned out to be and anger she has caused such distress.

Ignore the trolls OP.

OP, you have done the right thing and are fully justified to feel the way you do.
I wouldn’t pay her either but I feel you will 🤷🏼‍♀️
Block her, secure your home, change your passwords and for
your own sanity move away from the thread, stop feeding the trolls; you’re giving them all far too much attention. Just get back to cuddling your pets and booking your next trip.

Perhaps you don't consider animal cruelty and neglect 'horrific' but thankfully I'd say 99% of us do.

This.