Cleaner invited friends over AIBU

[Nestingbirds]

We have an arrangement with our cleaner that she takes care of our animals when we are away for a few days. She usually stays in the annexe but this time stayed in our house due to refurbishment.

We had an agreement when this started that we would prefer she didn’t have visitors apart from her long term boyfriend. He is away atm. She was totally on board, and said she would feel the same if it was her house.

We pay her really really well, and leave her lots of treats including fresh flowers. She told me she likes the time she has to herself, and all is well.

Only our neighbour texted me to say there are people coming and going from our house and sent me her ring doorbell footage. Not only is she having friends over, she isn’t actually spending time with the animals or cleaning (we pay her separately for both) as the rest of the time she has been out. We never leave our dog all day. Whilst we obviously don’t mind her going out, and want her to be happy, I just feel taken for a ride as she is clearly not there doing either.

I have messaged her to see how she is, hoping she would be honest about her friend coming over and staying for hours in our house, but she has continued to lie to me.

I feel like I can’t trust her now. Wwyd?

It’s allowed but not within the same thread, although you’d have to go to some lengths to do so now.

Reporting a dog left unattended for hours on end is stirring the pot? I can only imagine somebody extremely callous would think so.

Not on the same post, it's not. Stop defending this menace. The rest of us are heartily sick of them, they're an ongoing nuisance on the site.

I’m so confused, ‘the rest of us are sick of them?’ Are you speaking for all MN?

MN posted and said there have been no reports.

What is their other name on this thread you think they're posting on?

I think that's okay. I do regular animal care and sometimes when I take the photo it is too late at night or early to send it. If she's sending an evening photo during the day she isn't trying to deceive you.

The dog not being looked after and the visitors in violation of your agreement is really not okay!

Where do you live? I'll come and do that AND I won't lie........

@Nestingbirds
You are not unreasonable to be disappointed.
You are very unreasonable to be so emotional about it.
She was your employee. She broke your stated rule of no visitors, if indeed you were clear about that. Additionally, she failed to care for your animals in the agreed upon manner.
Simply pay her the agreed upon amount and advise her in writing her services are no longer required and that she is not welcome on your property from this point forward.
Then change all of your locks. Immediately. And install cameras of your own.
Take a nice bottle of wine with a thank you note to your neighbour.
Don't ruminate.
Be clear with all future employees. They are not your friends.
Perhaps consult legal advice about drafting a suitable contract.

Yes we're sick of them. Sick of the nit-picking and derailing of threads. Repeating and repeating the same stupid points trying to 'catch' an OP out. Mumsnet seems to be inundated with those type of posters in recent times.

I don't think the OP is unreasonable, she must feel quite violated by the breach of trust.

Stirring the pot?? The neighbour has raised a valid concern of dishonesty and neglect. How is that stirring the pot. If I were away I’d be very grateful to any of my neighbours letting me know something isn’t quite right. And I’d do the same!

She can be emotional if that’s how she feels. If you don’t like it then get off the thread.

this is someone she has trusted and has been in her home a lot. Probably spent more time in her home than family. It’s horrible to trust people and care for people to then have them lie behind your back. Her poor animals treated badly by someone she trusts.

im sure she’ll recover but for now she’s venting.

"If you don’t like it then get off the thread."

Entirely unnecessary.

Hear hear. I have no idea why people are being so vile on this thread, it is truly bizarre. I feel so sorry for the OP, both for the horrible cleaner and the mean people on the thread. I doubt they'd be so cavalier if their cleaner had lied to and stolen from them.

I think it is necessary. You had no need to give the OP a kicking, yet decided to do so anyway.

It wasn't a kicking. Please re-read my post.

So, it’s multiple posters ‘nit-picking’ you’re objecting to, or the one poster under different names?

I mean, I’m not sure nit-picking is against the rules of MN!

This is my home.
My beloved animals live here.
My home means the world to me, it has sentimental items from family that are no longer here, my childhood memories and so many things that can not be replaced.
It is where my children live, and should feel safe.
Of course I am going to be upset when someone breaches and violates my trust. I will always take it seriously.

I feel awful for my dog and cat. I feel furious that I have trusted her to care for them. The callousness in which she has responded lacks any true decency or real remorse. I think it’s okay to be upset, and I won’t be minimising what happened or how I feel.

It's one poster under many different names. Once you've seen it you can't unsee it. On this thread alone they posted under the names Weekend watch and Hiver. The rest of us are fed up with it.

when you get back wait a short while and ask her outright if anyone else has been in your house claiming something has gone missing then use that as a chance for her to fess up or the deal breaker for you to prove she isnt trustworthy x

Yes, it was. You scolded and berated her for being emotional about the fact that her beloved pets had been harmed by this callous witch.

Read the thread.

We’ve read it and it was unkind and unsupportive.

Oh OP, rotten situation. Good riddance to this horrid person. It's grim to feel used and betrayed, but you can draw a veil over it. It's hard to live life suspiciously just because some people are arseholes, and why should we? Life's too short for a miserable existence, leave that to her. Wishing you and the pets much better luck in future!

What are you, the popo?!

Weird number of cleaner-defenders on this thread. I am assuming they must be cleaners themselves.

This is about (1) animal cruelty and (2) dishonesty/sneakiness and (3) betrayal of trust and (4) inappropriate behaviour inviting guests, etc. The trusted cleaner/animal sitter hasn't done her job and has left the poor animals uncared for and stuck inside. That is all down to her.

The trust has gone now. If she is great at her job you could maybe retain her but on different terms - your terms. You would need to have that awkward conversation with her. .I personally would not be comfortable with strangers in my home whilst I was away. Clearly she isnt being respectful of you or your home (the lying) so you cannot expect the friends to be either. Why dont you have your own cameras though? I personally have Taipo cameras at front and back of the house and they are great ! Solar powered and linked to an app. You will be able to keep a much closer eye and feel more secure on trusting others in your home. Of course you need to be transparent about it. Its amazing what people get up to when they think they can get away with it. EG stealing home grown veg !