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AIBU?

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Original poster

Cleaner invited friends over AIBU

1000 replies

Nestingbirds · 27/10/2025 06:43

We have an arrangement with our cleaner that she takes care of our animals when we are away for a few days. She usually stays in the annexe but this time stayed in our house due to refurbishment.

We had an agreement when this started that we would prefer she didn’t have visitors apart from her long term boyfriend. He is away atm. She was totally on board, and said she would feel the same if it was her house.

We pay her really really well, and leave her lots of treats including fresh flowers. She told me she likes the time she has to herself, and all is well.

Only our neighbour texted me to say there are people coming and going from our house and sent me her ring doorbell footage. Not only is she having friends over, she isn’t actually spending time with the animals or cleaning (we pay her separately for both) as the rest of the time she has been out. We never leave our dog all day. Whilst we obviously don’t mind her going out, and want her to be happy, I just feel taken for a ride as she is clearly not there doing either.

I have messaged her to see how she is, hoping she would be honest about her friend coming over and staying for hours in our house, but she has continued to lie to me.

I feel like I can’t trust her now. Wwyd?

OP posts:
thisishowloween · 27/10/2025 19:09

Nestingbirds · 27/10/2025 08:08

Yes it looks that way. That she has used the time as a weekend away rather than a job. I obviously want her to relax and enjoy it, but we don’t like strangers in our house.

The way she showed the friend our house looked like it was her house. I can’t really explain it. It was deeply uncomfortable to watch. I noticed she does this with shopping deliveries and works people, she pretends to be me.

What are you on about?

I house-sit for a living and as far as any delivery drivers know, I live there. It's a security thing as much as anything else.

Original poster
Nestingbirds · 27/10/2025 19:12

thisishowloween · 27/10/2025 19:09

What are you on about?

I house-sit for a living and as far as any delivery drivers know, I live there. It's a security thing as much as anything else.

Show quote history

Do you invite your friends over when you have been explicitly been asked not to?

OP posts:
thisishowloween · 27/10/2025 19:13

Nestingbirds · 27/10/2025 19:12

Do you invite your friends over when you have been explicitly been asked not to?

Edited
Show quote history

No, but what does that have to do with what I said?

I'm actually house-sitting tonight and a delivery driver knocked. As far as he's aware, it's my home and I am "X owner".

Nearly50omg · 27/10/2025 19:19

Nestingbirds · 27/10/2025 13:18

She has her deliveries sent to our house sometimes as she said she is never at home. We agreed, and have never minded. She had a few things go missing because they were left on the doorstep. It’s pretty harmless request, we are not paying for the deliveries.

Show quote history

As I said - massive red flag! She is up to
something and if check your credit card, bank accounts and savings accounts are all they should be - you leave her alone with access to all your personal info and this further info just proves she is up to something

AnnoyedAsAllHeck · 27/10/2025 19:20

TeaRoseTallulah · 27/10/2025 07:58

It's clear from this thread and one from the other day that some posters don't have a clue how Ring doorbells work.

Show quote history

And some of these posters (not you), love to do nothing helpful, but love to criticize, be nasty and denigrate the OP and her neighbor. Just mind-boggling.

BackToLurk · 27/10/2025 19:20

Nestingbirds · 27/10/2025 19:08

I didn’t leave her in my house alone, my dh stayed. I took the dog out. I have the keys safely back.

Dh and I are going to talk through what to do next. It’s pitch black I am not going outside looking for poop?! 😂 Just why is that interesting?

The shopping bags are fine, she hasn’t been confined to the house!!! She doesn’t need to hide them. It was more the extra money she had to pay for it all was from us. It pissed me off.

Show quote history

Why didn't you just ask her about the dog whining?

Original poster
Nestingbirds · 27/10/2025 19:22

thisishowloween · 27/10/2025 19:13

No, but what does that have to do with what I said?

I'm actually house-sitting tonight and a delivery driver knocked. As far as he's aware, it's my home and I am "X owner".

Show quote history

Yes I understand that whilst they are away, but would you do that if the owners were in the house?

OP posts:
Original poster
Nestingbirds · 27/10/2025 19:27

Nearly50omg · 27/10/2025 19:19

As I said - massive red flag! She is up to
something and if check your credit card, bank accounts and savings accounts are all they should be - you leave her alone with access to all your personal info and this further info just proves she is up to something

Show quote history

I have to say that wouldn’t even occur to me. We don’t really have ‘paper’ statements etc most of our banking etc is on line. I haven’t checked everything though, but I doubt she would stoop that low.

OP posts:
NotForTheMoneyandNotForTheApplause · 27/10/2025 19:34

Nearly50omg · 27/10/2025 19:19

As I said - massive red flag! She is up to
something and if check your credit card, bank accounts and savings accounts are all they should be - you leave her alone with access to all your personal info and this further info just proves she is up to something

Show quote history

I don't buy much online, is it easy to get things delivered to a different address to your payment card?

Something to be aware of but now that most banking stuff is online it must be hard to steal someones info

sugarapplelane · 27/10/2025 19:35

Nestingbirds · 27/10/2025 18:38

Well it was extremely awkward.

I thought I would give her one more chance to come clean, so I asked her how she had spent the weekend, and she still didn’t say a word. I could actually feel a lump in my throat as I looked at her, because we have been so unbelievably kind to her and I feel like I don’t even know her anymore.

I saw all of her shopping bags by the door, so she has been busy spending our money, and she had left my dog alone for so long whilst she went out shopping.

I took the dog out immediately just to get away from her; and she had gone by the time we arrived back. The house looks perfectly fine, but I am really upset this evening and feel betrayed. So disappointed in her.

Edited

Why didn’t you confront her Op?
You were well within your rights to.

thisishowloween · 27/10/2025 19:37

Nestingbirds · 27/10/2025 19:22

Yes I understand that whilst they are away, but would you do that if the owners were in the house?

Show quote history

I wouldn't be there if the owners were home, but hypothetically, I can't see an issue with it in the slightest.

Original poster
Nestingbirds · 27/10/2025 19:39

sugarapplelane · 27/10/2025 19:35

Why didn’t you confront her Op?
You were well within your rights to.

Show quote history

Because I hate confrontation? Because if I am honest she makes me nervous. I haven’t figured out what to do, so it felt best to wait.

OP posts:
Bathingforest · 27/10/2025 19:50

Best to wait for what? You dislike her from now on, tell her straight away. Otherwise rehiring her

Gymnopediegivesmethewillies · 27/10/2025 19:51

I understand OP. I have had a parade of dodgy cleaners over the years, through agencies and independent. My best cleaner went on maternity leave and asked if her husband could cover, I said of course, although he wasn’t a very good cleaner because I wanted to keep her. He started saying more and more suggestive things which I brushed off, then he sent me a dick pic! At that point I had to get rid of him and he was angry with me saying he had sent it ‘by mistake’. Yuck. My point is, these people are in your home, privy to your private and personal things and they know where you live so if you can just end things relatively amicably then I think it’s best to do so, even if you are furious with them. You are the vulnerable one in this situation.

Blondeshavemorefun · 27/10/2025 19:53

Nestingbirds · 27/10/2025 07:17

If she can lie about this then maybe she can lie about other things.

There was something else a while ago. She said she didn’t have dc when she started, 6 months ago she told me she had 2 step daughters, she told me by accident. It felt like a weird omission.

Well technically her step kids aren’t her

but the lies over animals and friends. She needs to go

Original poster
Nestingbirds · 27/10/2025 19:54

I have asked my neighbour if I can watch all of the footage. I haven’t seen everything, and I think I need to. Then I imagine we will ask her not to return. I am not finding this easy, mainly because I did trust her - I really did.

OP posts:
Original poster
Nestingbirds · 27/10/2025 19:56

Gymnopediegivesmethewillies · 27/10/2025 19:51

I understand OP. I have had a parade of dodgy cleaners over the years, through agencies and independent. My best cleaner went on maternity leave and asked if her husband could cover, I said of course, although he wasn’t a very good cleaner because I wanted to keep her. He started saying more and more suggestive things which I brushed off, then he sent me a dick pic! At that point I had to get rid of him and he was angry with me saying he had sent it ‘by mistake’. Yuck. My point is, these people are in your home, privy to your private and personal things and they know where you live so if you can just end things relatively amicably then I think it’s best to do so, even if you are furious with them. You are the vulnerable one in this situation.

That is truly awful!!!! My god. I am so sorry that happened to you.

OP posts:
Bathingforest · 27/10/2025 20:00

Waiting for the whole description of the footage !!

Beachtastic · 27/10/2025 20:02

Nestingbirds · 27/10/2025 19:39

Because I hate confrontation? Because if I am honest she makes me nervous. I haven’t figured out what to do, so it felt best to wait.

Edited
Show quote history

I'm just like you, OP, and to be honest why not just make life easier for yourself? You don't owe her any more openness and integrity than she has shown you.

The fact that she makes you nervous, along with all the other things you've mentioned, suggest that this unpleasant episode is something of a blessing in disguise.

Beachtastic · 27/10/2025 20:03

Bathingforest · 27/10/2025 19:50

Best to wait for what? You dislike her from now on, tell her straight away. Otherwise rehiring her

Why? and why???

Original poster
Nestingbirds · 27/10/2025 20:05

Bathingforest · 27/10/2025 20:00

Waiting for the whole description of the footage !!

Well I am not expecting to see drug dealers and ladies of the night pitching up. Most likely just her coming and going with piles of shopping, as it looks like that is how she spent much of her time.

Just noticed one of our best wines is missing though. Dh is unnerved and checking everything.

OP posts:
Original poster
Nestingbirds · 27/10/2025 20:08

Beachtastic · 27/10/2025 20:02

I'm just like you, OP, and to be honest why not just make life easier for yourself? You don't owe her any more openness and integrity than she has shown you.

The fact that she makes you nervous, along with all the other things you've mentioned, suggest that this unpleasant episode is something of a blessing in disguise.

Show quote history

Thank you, yes it might be just for the best. Thank you for yours and everyone else’s understanding and support.

OP posts:
CautiousLurker2 · 27/10/2025 20:15

Nestingbirds · 27/10/2025 19:12

Do you invite your friends over when you have been explicitly been asked not to?

Edited
Show quote history

I’d be tempted to do a credit check on yourself. If she has been purporting to live at your house/get items delivered, she may have been pretending to live at youe address.

Notsoother · 27/10/2025 20:20

Nestingbirds · 27/10/2025 19:12

Do you invite your friends over when you have been explicitly been asked not to?

Edited
Show quote history

No but then again I wouldn’t leave my home and my dog in the sole care of someone who has behaved very oddly repeatedly over many years

Notsoother · 27/10/2025 20:21

You didn’t get a door cam because you thought an invasion of privacy!

good job your neighbour didn’t think the same!

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