AIBU to want DH to visit me in hospital even though I was only there for tests?

[Cantgetnopeace]

Just that really. He asked me if I wanted him to visit me. I did what I usually do and put his time/comfort etc. ahead of my own. I was only in for 2 nights. He was away at until 4pm the first day so I told him not to call as he would have been tired. He asked the second day if he should call and I said it was ok that I didn’t need anything.

YABU he asked and you said no and you shouldn't expect him to visit in that case.

YANBU he should still have called to see if you were ok or just to bring a magazine or chocolates.

For context I would have been with him to make sure he was ok. I wouldn’t have asked or wait for him to ask me.

You shouldn’t have said don’t visit if you wanted a visit - be clear about what you actually want.

YABU for saying no when you actually meant yes.

Do you know what ‘martyr’ means?

He asked, you said no. Why would he then go against what you said? How is the poor chap meant to know that when you said one thing, you actually meant the opposite?

Stop messing him around and then being snotty because he didn’t do the opposite of what you asked. Absolutely childish.

Are the tests to check what level of martyrdom you have? If so the prognosis may not be good.

Sounds like you want him to be a mind reader.

You told him not to come and now you're pissed he didn't come.

Don't be one of those people. You're exhausting to be with, because when you're with someone who says they're fine when they're not, says no when they mean yes, and expects magical mind reading abilities at all times you literally never know where you stand. Does she actually mean no this time or is it another test of my ability to know exactly what she needs and any given second even though she never tells me?

Just... Pack it in. Stop being a people pleaser. I know it's hard, I say this as a reformed People Pleaser myself - say yes, or no. Ask for what you need, even if it might mildly inconvenience another person. Advocate for your own needs.

I'm in for a couple of days and nights next week. Post surgery I'm not expecting to see him that day. It's an hour drive at 6am. He'll be knackered with his bad knee. Second day I'll be having physio etc so timing is dicey. Third day he collects me.

We'll talk on the phone though.

Martyr gets her just deserts.

You told him what you wanted and he did that.
You were testing him, expecting him to mind read and do the exact opposite of what you had told him.

Poor guy probably feels rejected.

Christ, I'm not sure what to say really OP.

YABU barely scratches the surface 😳

If you have needs/preferences, you need to make them known.

Instead you chose to play silly games.

You might want to say what you actually mean in future. He's not a mind reader, he asked, you said no. You cant get all pissy about it.

Ok. I get it. IABU. I only told him not to call to me so it wouldn’t put him out. It wasn’t testing him. I thought nothing of it at the time. I’ve been thinking about it for a few days and it’s just annoying me. I get it. I should have said yes. Maybe I’m more annoyed at myself than him.

You said no, he respected that. I would've just said please come when you can and convenient. No need to pussy foot around. Xx

He literally did what you told him to do. This is on you not him.

I've said YABU because I have no patience for people saying one thing but meaning the opposite. He asked and you said no. You should have said yes.

Stop playing games and be honest with your husband about what you want. I would have said not to worry about visiting or calling in that situation, but I’d have meant it. It’s perfectly reasonable to want to be visited or called, so if that’s what you wanted you should have said so.

I said you are not being unreasonable - but only because DH wouldn’t even ask , he would come visit me without asking …

Yabu. He did what you asked, if you wanted him to visit just say yes instead of playing the martyr

Stop playing games and act like an adult in an adult relationship.

Ask for what you want/need, don’t get pissed off if others can’t read your mind.

I would visit DH without asking him if he’d like me to visit. I would take it for granted that he would like me to. I wouldn’t ask.

But he did ask. And you said no.