What are YOUR thoughts on this shit show?

[filmforthefuture]

We have close relatives who live in a tiny terraced house on a narrow street. No driveway, no allocated parking spaces. Parking is permitted on both sides of the street.. no lines.. no restrictions .. no Permit Zone.

There’s been several occasions that we’ve had to park up the street in front of another neighbours house, due to lack of spaces.

We try to park nearer to our relatives house for ease but it’s often not possible on this busy street. We have no interest in pissing anyone off, we park respectfully in any vacant space, and we only stay for a few (3?) hours.

Our view is that it’s an unlined street, no restrictions, no dedicated parking spaces- We are NOT breaking the law in any way.
We feel quite strongly that being ‘ambushed’ in to moving our vehicle when it’s parked legally is a liberty, and we’re being bullied in to moving.

Each time we ‘dare’ to park in front of this neighbours house, said neighbour has passive aggressively come to our relative's house demanding we move our car as he ‘wants to park in front of his own house so he can keep a check on his car through his ring doorbell’. Apparently his car was broken into sometime.

So far, each time we’ve obliged - BECAUSE our relative immediately flies into a panic, is literally begging us to move the car to ‘keep the peace’, while our other relative goes into a full blown meltdown panicking in case we don’t oblige.

One of our relatives is a people pleaser who would allow strangers to use them as a doormat- but doesn’t seem to care about our views or needs. The other relative (autistic) flies into rages or screams and stomps upstairs if we explain ‘No, we shouldn’t have to move just to placate (entitled) neighbour’.

Cue WW3.

This whole facade was repeated again yesterday. We were all eating dinner together at relatives house. Neighbour called round, demanding ‘They (us) need to move their car. I want only my car in front of my house so I can monitor it’ (They have no disabilities that require their vehicle nearby). Relatives are pleading with us, I was saying I didn’t want to move the car, as my partner was having a panic attack as soon as she heard the neighbour at the door (knowing it would kick off). Other relative is screaming demanding we just ‘oblige to keep the peace’. In the end, our relative actually searched for my partners bag, took our car keys out and moved the car. I was absolutely shocked & dumbfounded that all this transpired so quickly and in such an aggressive and over dramatic way. Especially as our request for our car not to be moved was ignored. We are not the fittest of people physically, and both have poor mental health.

We are both disabled with Blue Badges, displayed in the front window.

We have absolutely no idea how to handle this going forward.

YANU - Give in to the neighbour, for harmony on the relatives street, and prevent the relatives from hysteria - while going against our own principals - anything to keep the peace - but feel our wishes - and needs are ignored?

YANBU - OR for the sake of both our MH & physical abilities, Stick to our boundaries - we’re not breaking the law - we are disabled - the car stays where it is.

Prepared for all sorts of replies.
Please vote…

You know it’s going to cause issues, so just don’t park there for everyone’s sake. It’s all a big drama over nothing.
Just park in a different space and enjoy an stress-free visit to your relatives house.

I try and live my life avoiding obvious conflict where I can and effectively and assertively managing conflict if it happens.

In your situation, with all the extra problems you have with blue badges and anxious relatives, I would elect to park anywhere else that didn’t involve the front of this person’s house.

“Enjoy upsetting”?! Again, did you miss the part where the OP said she was a blue badge holder?
Why should she have to cause herself additional pain to walk from further away because one man on the street is a nut job?

You're not doing anything wrong, but you're certainly not helping matters for your family memeber who has to live there, either. I completely understand your stance though, because this neighbour is a bully. They need to move to a house with a drive if they're so precious about their car.

These kinds of roads really piss me off though and I ruled when out purely because if the parking situation. There are some near me and as a pedestrian, I am constantly walking in the road because access to the pavement is blocked by cars parked on it. There are just too many cars in this country and too many people are reluctant to go anywhere if a car's not involved. Is it really necessary to drive there? Are you local and able to walk or take another form of transport?

You speak unkindly of your relatives. Your tone drips of disrespect; you minimise their distress.

You are the one who, despite knowing the upset it will cause, persist with parking in the same problematic spot. 'On principle', as you say. Principles are only as good as the wisdom and grace of the person who espouses them. In this case, your insistence on adhering to yours is causing problems which are longer-lasting than the moment itself.

I wonder how your relatives would word this post, had they decided to canvas Mumsnet opinion. "Our stubborn, willy-waving relative insists on provoking our neighbour by persistently parking outside his house, despite being asked, on multiple occasions, not to park there. Our relative ignores our requests to not continuously upset the neighbourly harmony and has previously refused to move his vehicle -what on earth can we do?"

Just park somewhere else. Legally allowed is not the standard for good behaviour, theres loads of things you are legally allowed to do which most people would make the decision not to do.

Pretty obvious that particular space is always free because of the awful neighbour. Don't use it.

The issue is that bullies like the neighbour get away with it because everyone rolls over, oh, no one ever parks in front of Jim's house, he doesn't like it...

The whole street needs to stand up to him, but until that happens, I'd probably avoid visiting.

Sometimes (not often) we have to turn the other cheek and let something go.

Infuriating I know, but I feel this is one of those times, for the sake of your relatives

Completely agree, what a tosser

I don’t think a blue badge means they’re automatically unable to manage parking a bit further away.

For example, my mum has cerebral palsy and has had a blue badge all her life - I can remember when it was an orange badge, not blue.

As long as she has someone’s arm to hold onto, she’s quite capable of walking as far as she needs to. Without someone’s arm to hold onto, she can’t even move one step from the car.

I know tone is hard to read but I’m not trying to be goady. It’s just that blue badges can be issued for quite a range of reasons.

I would say that if mobility was the reason, then surely OP would have opened with “we can’t physically walk very far” rather than “why should I move when I’m legally in the right”?

OP also doesn’t mention any problems with getting back to their car when they’ve had to move it in their past. The relatives don’t seem aware that it’s a problem. Surely you’d say to angry neighbour “sorry, I’m disabled so can’t walk far”? OP says they park close “for ease” - that’s not the same thing as necessity.

The fact that the blue badge is mentioned right at the end, together with the random mention of poor mental health, suggests that the distance isn’t an issue, but OP just wants people to say she’s right.

but OP just wants people to say she’s right.

Because she is.

She IS right but needs to let it go for the sake of relatives and her own sanity.
This type of thing is very bad for mental health.
Leave the idiot neighbours to it, I say....

I disagree. I don't see why the OP should have to inconvenience herself (and possibly cause herself pain) because her relatives don't have the balls to stand up to a batshit crazy neighbour. Someone has to do it.

I would stop visiting. It all sounds pretty dramatic.

Ah OK, fair enough. We have street parking, but the road is wide enough for double-parking for loading/unloading. Of course toddlers are another matter.

Ah I see - our road is not wide enough for that- it has overtaking bits which are not for parking of course (but some other people do anyway which means sometimes having to reverse out etc) Especially on school pick up (we are near a school)). Which I do understand so if I’m out in the afternoon I try to not time coming back during school pick up time as then there are not even any spaces 10 streets away lol

Tell them to do one, you can park where you like.

It’s a real pain in the arse. You aren’t doing anything wrong. My house has a driveway but once we had a skip so I had to park over the road. My neighbour knocked and asked me to move as it the only place he could park his large van. I moved, I couldn’t be bothered to piss someone off that I live next door to, but I still believe he was wrong. It really is a pain. Just need them in a cafe from now on or say the parking is too much of a nuisance so we can’t come

For a while we had two cars, and if we went out in the evenings (worst time for finding a space) we'd take the small one for better chance of a space when we got back!

I'm going to guess you live on a street with private parking and don't have to deal with this situation. When the person who feels antagonised turns up at your door whenever they feel like it it's not easy to "stand your ground" and further inflame the situation.

Wrong. The neighbour has no legal right to park outside his house. The OP has every legal right to park outside anyone's house as long as they are not on a dropped kerb. Check your facts before calling someone a bully.

This.

The neighbours are unreasonable, but it isn't you that has to put up with the bad feeling and hostility every day. Given that you know this neighbour is mightily pissed off by your (legal) parking, and will inevitably come round to remonstrate, predictably upsetting your relatives, is there some particular reason that you insist on repeatedly parking there? Do you enjoy the drama? Do you like winding him up? Do you want your relatives wound up? Or are you so determined to win that you just don't care about the fallout?

The neighbour is a pillock, but you already know that.

Scrub that.
op is a one post wonder. (Made up).
Technically, of course you can park there.
But you are a visitor.
You don’t live there.
Would it really hurt to park a little further away?
Surely no one can be that stubborn
Seriously, don’t sweat the small stuff.