What are YOUR thoughts on this shit show?

[filmforthefuture]

We have close relatives who live in a tiny terraced house on a narrow street. No driveway, no allocated parking spaces. Parking is permitted on both sides of the street.. no lines.. no restrictions .. no Permit Zone.

There’s been several occasions that we’ve had to park up the street in front of another neighbours house, due to lack of spaces.

We try to park nearer to our relatives house for ease but it’s often not possible on this busy street. We have no interest in pissing anyone off, we park respectfully in any vacant space, and we only stay for a few (3?) hours.

Our view is that it’s an unlined street, no restrictions, no dedicated parking spaces- We are NOT breaking the law in any way.
We feel quite strongly that being ‘ambushed’ in to moving our vehicle when it’s parked legally is a liberty, and we’re being bullied in to moving.

Each time we ‘dare’ to park in front of this neighbours house, said neighbour has passive aggressively come to our relative's house demanding we move our car as he ‘wants to park in front of his own house so he can keep a check on his car through his ring doorbell’. Apparently his car was broken into sometime.

So far, each time we’ve obliged - BECAUSE our relative immediately flies into a panic, is literally begging us to move the car to ‘keep the peace’, while our other relative goes into a full blown meltdown panicking in case we don’t oblige.

One of our relatives is a people pleaser who would allow strangers to use them as a doormat- but doesn’t seem to care about our views or needs. The other relative (autistic) flies into rages or screams and stomps upstairs if we explain ‘No, we shouldn’t have to move just to placate (entitled) neighbour’.

Cue WW3.

This whole facade was repeated again yesterday. We were all eating dinner together at relatives house. Neighbour called round, demanding ‘They (us) need to move their car. I want only my car in front of my house so I can monitor it’ (They have no disabilities that require their vehicle nearby). Relatives are pleading with us, I was saying I didn’t want to move the car, as my partner was having a panic attack as soon as she heard the neighbour at the door (knowing it would kick off). Other relative is screaming demanding we just ‘oblige to keep the peace’. In the end, our relative actually searched for my partners bag, took our car keys out and moved the car. I was absolutely shocked & dumbfounded that all this transpired so quickly and in such an aggressive and over dramatic way. Especially as our request for our car not to be moved was ignored. We are not the fittest of people physically, and both have poor mental health.

We are both disabled with Blue Badges, displayed in the front window.

We have absolutely no idea how to handle this going forward.

YANU - Give in to the neighbour, for harmony on the relatives street, and prevent the relatives from hysteria - while going against our own principals - anything to keep the peace - but feel our wishes - and needs are ignored?

YANBU - OR for the sake of both our MH & physical abilities, Stick to our boundaries - we’re not breaking the law - we are disabled - the car stays where it is.

Prepared for all sorts of replies.
Please vote…

I live in a road where there is no residents' parking and nobody would behave as if they had their own space. Just to keep the peace, I would park elsewhere or take a taxi/bus but the neighbour is clearly unreasonable.

I think it’s telling that the relatives haven’t offered. Then voluntarily offering is the only circumstance in which I’d visit again, but it seems like they aren’t willing to put themselves out for or support the op and her partner, but do expect the op and her partner to bend over backwards to keep them happy.

I wouldn’t park there if it is causing your relatives that much stress, ultimately after the 3 hours you go home and don’t see the neighbour again unless you visit your relatives again but your relative lives next door to them 24/7. You’re making your relatives uncomfortable. That said, if due to your disability you need to park close to relatives house and that is your only option I would just stop visiting and explain why to your relative, they can then decide if they’d rather put up with the angry neighbour and have you visit and park where you like or decide if it’s better you don’t visit at all.

The issue very well articulated.

My relative lives somewhere with awful parking, they move their own car when I arrive which means I can park right in front of their house and they have the hassle of finding parking elsewhere. Then they move the car back when I leave.

They’re the ones who live there - they can engage in the bizarre car politics and let you park conveniently as you’re the guest.

I don’t do anything about it but I mean it’s just annoying because sometimes i have the shopping and toddler to take on and have to park a couple streets away or soemtimes further . It’s not annoying that the car is outside my house - I don’t mind that. And I’m not annoyed at the person who parked there.
It’s just how it is.

You’re obviously entitled to park there but why upset your relatives (I don’t care so much about the neighbour)? Just avoid parking there. If your mobility means you can’t park elsewhere then the relative you’re visiting needs to move their own car to let you in or ask someone else to.

The neighbour do have a right to park in front of his house. It is you who bully everyone else

What rubbish! The neighbour does not have the right to a reserved space on a public, unrestricted road and he is the bully, probably not accustomed to having his sense of entitlement challenged.

I'd have a field day winding that fucker up! I used to live in a cul-de-sac with this batshit woman who behaved like this when I parked outside her flat. There was very limited parking and I only parked there when there were no other spaces. But the abuse from her was vile. I just used to keep quiet then laugh at her. Wound her up even more. Crazy batshit woman.

At the end of the day, that neighbour doesn't own the road outside of his house. I'd report his aggressive behaviour to the police, give dates, times, tell them you're disabled, and he's continuing to bully you. Hopefully they'll have a word and tell him to back off.

As for your relatives, the way they give into the bully neighbour would probably annoy me more than the dick of a neighbour.

YANBU

but all of the people in the story sound exhausting - meltdowns, screaming, panic attacks…

Just don’t visit there anymore “sorry we can’t make it due to the parking issues we’ve had”

No way I’d be visiting them again with this sort of silly carry on.

This...
I understand all the entitled neighbour stuff..
But I'd be so hacked off and on alert about visiting again with all the attendant anxiety and meltdowns, I'd want to meet elsewhere.

I just wouldn't visit them at home!

I think its unfair to keep doing something that your relatives feel will negatively impact them.

Why make life more difficult for the people who have to deal with this neighbour daily?

Just park somewhere else for the sake of your relative.

You shouldnt have to blah blah blah but you know it will kick off if you do so why do you insist on causing drama? You are there for a few hours. Your relative has to live with thrse people.

I wouldn't park in that spot. You know it's stressing out your relatives, and it can't be pleasant for you to park and know that someone is likely to come and ask you to move. Wouldn't it be possible to choose another spot nearby and walk a bit further? If it's too much for you physically, maybe you need to find another place to meet these relatives. Take them out to eat or pick them up and take them to your home at least some of the time to limit the days you need to park at their house for longer than it takes to get them in your car.

Yep!
You are NBU, OP.
And:
The neighbour IBU.
Your hosts ABU.
Your partner IBU.

In the face of all this unreasonableness, it's wise to step aside. Don't park in front of Mad Neighbour's house.

Park somewhere else. If it's too far to walk from the less-dramatic parking spot, get your relative to come and pick you up there.

If there's any dog poo in the street, pick it up and put it right next to Mad Neighbour's driver-side door 😉

I wouldn't have gone back after the first time they grovelled to an over entitled neighbour. Not my circus and all that.

Public road , the space doesn't belong to anyone . Saying that I just would meet these strange relatives somewhere else .

It would be a cold day in hell before I kowtow to a bloody neighbour.

If mental health is poor enough that your partner is having panic attacks over parking while visiting their relative, is it really worth the stress of repeatedly choosing that spot? Theres def no other solution? Where do you park when outside his house isn’t empty?

Yeah you’re not parked illegally but having had a fil who was in a power struggle with one of my neighbours and who thought his own poor mental health meant he can argue with my neighbours and call me a doormat when I wanted to keep the peace, I’d say for everyone’s sanity, park elsewhere or meet elsewhere. The fact you gave not parking there as an option in your poll makes me wonder if you’re like my fil and are deliberately choosing that spot knowing the distress it causes the neighbour, your family and your partner, my fils his own MH issues meant he often couldnt see that he was being as bad as everyone else and that it’s not being a doormat to prefer to not have disputes with neighbours, he couldn’t see that he was the one causing the issue and couldn’t understand that he gets to go home and forget pleased with himself for “standing his ground” while we have to live here.. He once threatened to punch my neighbour and called him a stupid cunt, other neighbours came out to tell fil to knock it off and he still to this days calls me a doormat for not backing him up.

He’d say it’s the principal but funny those principles go right out the window when he can’t get parked outside his own house due to his neighbours visitors. Those visitors are “selfish inconsiderate twats” when he’s the one inconvenienced.

Do your relatives have a car? What I'd be doing as the host, is moving my car when you get there, and I'd park somewhere else.

Otherwise I'd not be driving there anymore.

Oh yes because that will smooth things over.

The car stays where it is. This is an OK stand to take if you'd parked the car and then the drama had happened and you were explaining why you couldn't/didn't want to move it when asked - but presumably the car is not parked there right now? I wouldn't park it there again on a future visit. If that means you can't visit (nowhere else to park, and no other way to get to the relatives' house) I would explain that to your relatives and make a plan to meet up elsewhere next time if possible.

It was wrong of them to ferret out your car keys and move your car, but you have to decide if you want to address that separately or just make sure they don't have a chance to do it again.

From your relatives' reactions to THEIR neighbour, it sounds as if they are being bullied by said neighbour.

But frankly, you are also being a PITA. You know this neighbour is going to ask you to move the car, they've done it every time; yet you persist in parking there, knowing that the end result will be your relatives going into a panic / meltdown. But no, you've got principles to uphold, fuck your people-pleaser / autistic relatives, what you want is what matters! You don't care if you cause problems for your relatives, your principles are soooo much more important!

Why don't you just stop visiting them in their house and they visit you instead? Or just stop visiting them full stop, because it doesn't sound as if you even like them, given how willing you are to cause them panic attacks / meltdowns.

Why are you visiting relatives that you speak so badly of, you sound very judgmental.Tbh it sounds like you enjoy the drama and are deliberately trying to make a point rather than just enjoying a peaceful get together. Your partners having a panic attack you both have mental health / physical health problems your relatives(s) are getting hysterical all as a result of a short visit, frankly you are being ridiculous. Your relatives have to live there all the time and deal with these nutty neighbours, you come round cause havoc, upset your relatives and then fuck off home confident that you are in the right and have told the neighbours what’s what then left your relative to deal with any fall out, Just stop going round in fact I am very surprised that your relatives still want you to go round you sound like a nightmare yourself.