To be furious about this?

[Overlenders]

When I was 11 my parents forced a friendship with a 10 year old girl from my neighbourhood - 2 streets away.

This is how it happened - we went to the same church as this girl’s cousins and aunt/uncle who lived about a mile away - think neighbouring area of a provincial city.

one day I and my parents went up to the aunt / uncles / cousins house and I played outside - with cousins and this girl and her brother - we were all the same age - well within 2 years of each other.

my parents were indoors with the other 2 sets of parents. That meeting itself wasn’t bad but I thought that it was just a get together for all of us - I didn’t realise it was a specific thing to get my and the girl together.

about a month later the girl - Anna - turned up at my house asking me to go other cinema. I’ve always hated watching films as I have a short attention span unless it’s a comedy and I didn’t want to go. My grandparents were staying with us and said “that’s nice she’s asked” etc. so I only said yes to the cinema trip cos j was afraid of being criticised if I said no.

the cinema was shit tbh I find films boring. Did age 11 - do now unless it’s comedy.

anyway - a few weeks later 11 year old me was at home with my parents and said m

“I want to do x today” - I can’t for the life of me remember what x was. I can’t really hazard a guess even.

my mum said “no you’re seeing Anna Taylor today”

and thus they forced a friendship between me and this girl that lasted til the end of secondary school.

AIBU to feel angry about this? Growing independence imo is important at 11 and this was being stifled be forcing me with this girl

also though my secondary school years my mum used to guilt me into socialising with Anna saying Anna’s mum had been complaining I wasn’t making an effort with her etc.

AIBU to feel violated? Someone was let into my life that I didn’t even want or need.

Anna fyi was a doctor’s daughter who was very very snobby. Her Mum was sahm.

i was only child of 2 working parents but mum was alcoholic abusive - I’ve literally had to deal with my mums aggressive moods aged 10 - so after mopping up my mum’s shit I found Anna very ‘precious’

AIBU to feel angry that part of my childhood freedom was taken away ?

I feel a friendship was forced on me with no context for it

You have posted many many many times

OP, you are focussing on the past because your present is so empty and unfulfilled

focus on improving your present

I too was waiting for some kind of 'religious cult' event to be mentioned..
To have such strong emotions over this forced 'friendship' over forty years later, surely there must be something deeply buried here?
I am also 53 and looking back on the lax 70's and 80's of my youth, I feel some degree of resentment about how children were treated then, 'put up and shut up' being the main mantra...

Are you still friends? Any chance you are secretly related to this girl

Is this a genuine post?? Grow up and move on! When I was 11 my parents split, my dad moved us 150 miles away from all of my extended family, who prior to the move I was with on a daily basis, I had to get 2 trains into my new school, dad came home on a Friday and gave me his wages for me to go pay the rent do the food shop etc, and I am not ‘furious’ at this, it’s life & circumstances, yet you’re furious and feel violated for having a friend ‘forced on you! Give your head a wobble 🤦🏻‍♀️

No body is perfect and that includes parents - and you

they did what they thought was best at that point of time within their own capacity

children don’t always know what’s really best for them either

Yeah let's do the inevitable amateur armchair ND diagnosis shall we? And people wonder why these conditions become stigmatized.

I thought this was going to take a much darker turn at the beginning...
Violated seems a bit strong. Isn't it like children having to play with their siblings and cousins or just whoever lives close by rather than their first choice?

Did you ever tell your parents you didn’t like her and didn’t want to be her friend?

Why are you even bothered about this 40 years later?

Why is it women are always told to ignore their own feelings and focus on other people’s feelings?

I originally thought you may have been an actual 12 year old this was happening to now.

I mean everyone has crap and complexes about things that happened throughout their childhood that you just have to let go. But I think this is easier when we are happier in our current lives.

So I'm reiterating the above, I think you may be just be unhappy with life.

Ok yes… but so what? You’re not friends now and life moves on. What does dredging this up serve? Apart from maybe understanding current compliance / unhealthy relationships

Either post the links to the threads or stop trying to discredit the OP. Op hasn’t posted any other threads that I can see.

It's quite likely that your parents were aware of their failings on some level.and looked up to this girl's family.

If that is the case, they they were hoping some of her 'better' family aspects would.rub off on you as aspirations. Ie they didn't want you to replicate your own lifestyle growing up and hoped that you'd benefit from being exposed to hers in some way.

sorry wrong thread can’t delete

Further to my previous post

Unless there have been repeated instances of any behaviour that falls under the umbrella of bullying behaviour, I do not think this situation can be labelled as bullying

Showing you have reflected on this and in the moment maybe didn’t respond professionally may help to taking a step forwards for yourself - how the ranty person is addressed is another matter

You are being ridiculous, not unreasonable!

Hoe many meetimgs with Anna did you have to endure?
Did you ever say no, you had something else to do at the time? Was you quite insular?
At secondary, I just walked out the door and hung out with whoever I wanted. But there were a few family friends where we would visit them and they had kids the same age but it was like 4 times a year.
How was your social life outside of this girl?

I totally understand your feelings. I have been a wet blanket until very recently and if I look back at my childhood, I would have done ANYTHING my parents told me to do, unquestionably.

Me too! Or worse!

I think you are getting your relationship with your alcoholic and abusive mother confused with how your relationship with Anna developed.

Try to separate out the two which will then give you a basis on which to start working on the important failed relationship in your childhood, the one with your mother. Maybe start with a big sheet of paper for your mum and write down all the negative thoughts, negative incidents, negative language you associate with her . What emotions do you feel, what upsets you most, what words are you using to describe your feelings as you read the sheet. Write down your own feelings, ones you felt then, how you feel now, on the sheet.

When you have sorted out your feelings about your mother you will be in a better place to think about the Anna friendship and how it affected you.

😦😦😦😦

53?????
Dude... channel your inner Eliza and let it go....

This period in your life clearly still bothers you, so you're not being unreasonable to share it with others, just to get it out there.

When I was younger, my parents sent me to Girl Guides and Drama Group because i was shy and they thought I'd make more friends outside school. Being shy is entirely the reason I hated both activities, and I felt angry that I wasn't in a position to refuse. But your situation is different because your parents focused on you developing a relationship with a specific child.

I'd want to know why it was so important to them. Why her? Was there a connection between her and your parents that they never talked about? Perhaps your mum went to her father for medical treatment (for her alcoholism), and they kept it from you, and the price was you had to be friends with their daughter?

Obviously a lot of time has passed since then, but bad memories still pop up and remind us of events and situations where we felt hurt and angry, especially if we weren't in control at the time. Of course we know we can't go back in time and change things, but there is no harm in writing out your feelings.

This xx

None of this is about Anna, that’s just a symptom of a much bigger issue. I hope you’re ok OP. XX

Wow, clearly you have a lot going on in your head, and I think you are just looking for things to obsess about to be angry at your parents.

Your attitude to this relationship is a bit odd, could you be showing autistic traits?

Anyway, YABU, your real issue is your parents and if you are still this level of furious 40 years later then some professional counselling might be what you need.

The OPs gender didn't actually occur to me, why should it. I'd make the same comment if the poster was obviously male 🤷‍♀️ Did the poster never actually communicate with her parents about why they were so invested in this relationship?