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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be furious about this?

285 replies

Overlenders · 26/10/2025 07:55

When I was 11 my parents forced a friendship with a 10 year old girl from my neighbourhood - 2 streets away.

This is how it happened - we went to the same church as this girl’s cousins and aunt/uncle who lived about a mile away - think neighbouring area of a provincial city.

one day I and my parents went up to the aunt / uncles / cousins house and I played outside - with cousins and this girl and her brother - we were all the same age - well within 2 years of each other.

my parents were indoors with the other 2 sets of parents. That meeting itself wasn’t bad but I thought that it was just a get together for all of us - I didn’t realise it was a specific thing to get my and the girl together.

about a month later the girl - Anna - turned up at my house asking me to go other cinema. I’ve always hated watching films as I have a short attention span unless it’s a comedy and I didn’t want to go. My grandparents were staying with us and said “that’s nice she’s asked” etc. so I only said yes to the cinema trip cos j was afraid of being criticised if I said no.

the cinema was shit tbh I find films boring. Did age 11 - do now unless it’s comedy.

anyway - a few weeks later 11 year old me was at home with my parents and said m

“I want to do x today” - I can’t for the life of me remember what x was. I can’t really hazard a guess even.

my mum said “no you’re seeing Anna Taylor today”

and thus they forced a friendship between me and this girl that lasted til the end of secondary school.

AIBU to feel angry about this? Growing independence imo is important at 11 and this was being stifled be forcing me with this girl

also though my secondary school years my mum used to guilt me into socialising with Anna saying Anna’s mum had been complaining I wasn’t making an effort with her etc.

AIBU to feel violated? Someone was let into my life that I didn’t even want or need.

Anna fyi was a doctor’s daughter who was very very snobby. Her Mum was sahm.

i was only child of 2 working parents but mum was alcoholic abusive - I’ve literally had to deal with my mums aggressive moods aged 10 - so after mopping up my mum’s shit I found Anna very ‘precious’

AIBU to feel angry that part of my childhood freedom was taken away ?

I feel a friendship was forced on me with no context for it

OP posts:
Mewling · 27/10/2025 15:27

Overlenders · 27/10/2025 13:31

When I was 16, I had my 13 year old cousin stay with me and we were both a big mean to Anna. She came down to call in on me - it was the school holidays - and instead of being welcoming to Anna, we froze her out to the extent that she felt so uncomfortable and had to leave.

My mum was in the other room but clearly wanted to know what happened because she said

“Anna was only here for 2 minutes”

she said this twice obviously thinking I’d follow up with an explanation

Although we ‘made up’ later, Anna said she was offended and called my cousin “evil”

What awful behaviour towards someone who doesn’t appear to have ever actually done anything to you in real terms. I also really hope this isn’t the friend’s real name, as you’ve included a fair bit of identifying information.

Anonycat · 27/10/2025 18:03

Overlenders · 27/10/2025 13:31

When I was 16, I had my 13 year old cousin stay with me and we were both a big mean to Anna. She came down to call in on me - it was the school holidays - and instead of being welcoming to Anna, we froze her out to the extent that she felt so uncomfortable and had to leave.

My mum was in the other room but clearly wanted to know what happened because she said

“Anna was only here for 2 minutes”

she said this twice obviously thinking I’d follow up with an explanation

Although we ‘made up’ later, Anna said she was offended and called my cousin “evil”

And? What is the significance of this trivial episode supposed to be?

Snakebite61 · 27/10/2025 18:14

Overlenders · 26/10/2025 07:55

When I was 11 my parents forced a friendship with a 10 year old girl from my neighbourhood - 2 streets away.

This is how it happened - we went to the same church as this girl’s cousins and aunt/uncle who lived about a mile away - think neighbouring area of a provincial city.

one day I and my parents went up to the aunt / uncles / cousins house and I played outside - with cousins and this girl and her brother - we were all the same age - well within 2 years of each other.

my parents were indoors with the other 2 sets of parents. That meeting itself wasn’t bad but I thought that it was just a get together for all of us - I didn’t realise it was a specific thing to get my and the girl together.

about a month later the girl - Anna - turned up at my house asking me to go other cinema. I’ve always hated watching films as I have a short attention span unless it’s a comedy and I didn’t want to go. My grandparents were staying with us and said “that’s nice she’s asked” etc. so I only said yes to the cinema trip cos j was afraid of being criticised if I said no.

the cinema was shit tbh I find films boring. Did age 11 - do now unless it’s comedy.

anyway - a few weeks later 11 year old me was at home with my parents and said m

“I want to do x today” - I can’t for the life of me remember what x was. I can’t really hazard a guess even.

my mum said “no you’re seeing Anna Taylor today”

and thus they forced a friendship between me and this girl that lasted til the end of secondary school.

AIBU to feel angry about this? Growing independence imo is important at 11 and this was being stifled be forcing me with this girl

also though my secondary school years my mum used to guilt me into socialising with Anna saying Anna’s mum had been complaining I wasn’t making an effort with her etc.

AIBU to feel violated? Someone was let into my life that I didn’t even want or need.

Anna fyi was a doctor’s daughter who was very very snobby. Her Mum was sahm.

i was only child of 2 working parents but mum was alcoholic abusive - I’ve literally had to deal with my mums aggressive moods aged 10 - so after mopping up my mum’s shit I found Anna very ‘precious’

AIBU to feel angry that part of my childhood freedom was taken away ?

I feel a friendship was forced on me with no context for it

I haven't a clue what you're on about.

Wildefish · 27/10/2025 18:39

Interpink · 26/10/2025 08:01

YABU. Get over it.

I think she had a traumatic childhood (alcoholic mother) and her anger is slightly misplaced. I assume you didn’t have a sad childhood or you might’ve more sympathetic.

Ladybugheart · 27/10/2025 20:05

AIBU to feel violated? Someone was let into my life that I didn’t even want or need.

You lost me at this point. Honestly get over it.

Original poster
Overlenders · 28/10/2025 10:52

BrucesBarAndGrill · 26/10/2025 08:28

I kind of get it. Your mum was abusive and clearly ruined any chance of a nice home life and then by forcing a friendship with someone she wanted you to be friends with (rather than someone you actually wanted to see and liked due to similar interests and personality) she was getting her claws into the part of your life that could be independent from her.

Did your dad ever say why it was important you and Anna kept in touch?

My mum was also abusive and controlling and very critical of my friends, she would try and push me away from people I cared about and towards people who she perceived to be "better" but we're pretty much universally snobs and knobheads. It's just another way to control and isolate you.

Yes thank you ! This nails it in the first paragraph

no my dad didn’t say

OP posts:
Original poster
Overlenders · 28/10/2025 11:02

Just to say thanks everyone for your responses even the posters telling me to “get over it!” - I mean fair enough I asked for opinions and everyone’s entitled to give theirs !

im really grateful for everyone’s opinion - had some really good insights

just to say the post I said where I was mean to Anna with my cousin - I’m totally ashamed of that and of course I wish I’d never done it ! I don’t condone this type of behaviour - it’s bordering on bullying if it was repeated - which it wasn’t

she was very patronising to me on one occasion after I’d split with my boyfriend so a couple of months later when I’d got over it and healthily lost weight I gave her the very slight - cold shoulder - ie was basically polite and basically respectful just not very forthcoming. I don’t regret this. We’re entitled to our likes / dislikes !

but anyway - those that understood where I was coming from - I appreciate iit! to those who told me to get over it - you’re right!

OP posts:
DarkYearForMySoul · 28/10/2025 11:09

It sounds like this thread has given you some new viewpoints to consider, which is great. But please be kind to yourself. There is good reason why are organisations specifically offering support to those who have to, had had to, live with alcoholics. It can have a significant impact, and ‘get over it’ is a phrase and a nice wish, but without any direction on how to do that or what that means.
Please don’t judge yourself. If ‘getting over it’ isn’t as simple as it sounds please seek support if you can, either within a group or specialist 121.

Original poster
Overlenders · 28/10/2025 15:23

I think the real issue in general with this forced friendship thing - and as I say - even the ones who told me to get over it / grow up - you’ve got a point and I don’t begrudge your opinion - but I basically feel that - generally, if parents force friendships on kids the issue is that they won’t understand the REAL rules and nature of friendship.. and might come away thinking friendships are something one has to do out of obligation ..

OP posts:
Wildefish · 28/10/2025 16:22

Overlenders · 28/10/2025 15:23

I think the real issue in general with this forced friendship thing - and as I say - even the ones who told me to get over it / grow up - you’ve got a point and I don’t begrudge your opinion - but I basically feel that - generally, if parents force friendships on kids the issue is that they won’t understand the REAL rules and nature of friendship.. and might come away thinking friendships are something one has to do out of obligation ..

People who tell you to get over it obviously don’t understand having never experienced what you did. Can you get therapy to help you build real friendships.

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