To pay or not to pay for everyone’s dinner if I invite them out for my 50th?

[tricerotopsrule]

I was thinking of inviting around 15 pals out for dinner to a nice restaurant to mark my 50th birthday. Normally for ‘normal’ birthdays for mine or others we have all paid for our own meal. But given this is a big birthday I wondered if I should pay for everyone? When I’ve been out for other big birthdays sometimes folk have paid for everyone and other times people pay for themselves.

What’s the norm?? WWYD?

Usually the restaurant can send you a menu with the price listed and you can send these out with the invitation saying the set menu is £50 or whatever it costs if they want to join you for your birthday celebrations. That way it will be clear that anyone attending pays for their own mea. You can buy some wine to start people off if you want to.

So if you don’t get to choose the restaurant then you don’t think you should pay? That’s utterly ridiculous.

I wouldn’t expect to have a free meal either. You could say you’ll pay for bubbles and wine though which would be a nice gesture.

Of course not but the fact is that the OP isn’t organizing a group meet, she’s organizing a party for herself, to her liking, but wants everyone else to fund it.

Depends what you can afford. Relatives of mine could and did pay for everyone's food. People got their own drinks from the bar - golf club

I couldnt afford that so Id probably pick somehwere with set price menu and say to people if they want to come its the full dinner amount upfront. Then pay for own drinks on night or find a byo.

Going out for a meal isn’t a party. It’s going for a meal. Why are people acting like she’s throwing a party and charging for tickets?

It’s a meal in a restaurant. With a menu where YOU choose your own meal. It’s not a catered party.

I honestly think some people on here don’t actually like their friends. I can’t get my head around the idea that if I choose a restaurant then I must pay. If I consult you, then you’re happy pay for yourself? Is that right?

Thankfully my friends aren’t so high maintenance.

Lack of reading comprehension IMO.

It ISN'T a party @No5ChalksRoad
It's a meal.

It’s infuriating!
Along with the ‘ only do that you can afford’. Well
some of my friends can barely afford to pay their bills. Does that mean they never get to celebrate with friends?

I can’t comprehend the mindset of people only being happy to celebrate a friend’s birthday if their expenses are covered. I’m surprised they don’t send them a bill for travel and babysitters 😂

but it’s a meal in a restaurant? You seem rather insufferable. Perhaps you do not have any friends to invite to worry about such things

If you have invited someone you pay, at least I see it that way. If I couldn't afford a restaurant I'd do something at home.

And if your house wasn’t big enough /suitable?

I‘m also going to be 50 soon and have pondered the same thing. Whilst I agree that there is no hard and fast rule, and it’s ok to make clear in the invitation if people will be paying for themselves, in my group of friends such an event is very much “host pays”. I’m single with 3 kids and don’t have a lot of disposable income. It would cost me about £5k to host a dinner at a restaurant (with wine) for my friends. I’d rather have a holiday with my family, so that’s what I’m going to do. Later next year I might host something at home (my birthday is in winter so couldn’t be put in the garden then), which I can tailor to fit my budget. I wouldn’t invite my friends to a restaurant and ask them to pay for themselves.

What a lot of people seem to be saying on this thread is that poor people shouldn’t celebrate their birthdays or only in secret/at home.

Its awful when you look at like that - I’ve been to big birthdays where people have paid the bill but would never go expecting it. I’m there because Im happy to spend the money to celebrate a friends birthday. Most people I know don’t will choose a reasonable restaurant. If it was horrifically expensive then I’d send my apologies and take the birthday person out for breakfast another day!

If I was invited I would expect to pay.

If I were doing the inviting I would either pay for the food, or the drinks or both but I’d make that very clear on the invite. I’d also ask the restaurant to allow me to settle the bill away from the table.

For my 40th I had 20 guests and paid for all the food, which was the common MO amongst our group at the time.

4 adults and 3 kids yesterday for Sunday lunch at a chef and brewer type pub set me back over £200. I’d say it’ll cost nearly £1k OP so decide if you can afford that before committing.

The norm is that people pay for their own in my circles. So if 3 family groups then we split 3 ways

In my circle, the guests would pay for themselves in this situation. Can't imagine a host just paying for everything. My dad would definitely have paid for everyone though, I see it as a generational + income divide.

Oh for goodness sake! Give your head a wobble.

There is nothing wrong in inviting friends to join you for a meal to celebrate your birthday. Millions of people do it. The majority of posters on this thread do it. Does this mean that poor people can never go out to eat with their friends on their birthday?

None of my friends host and pay for a restaurant meal and they don't expect me to.

If I had been invited to a restaurant meal where the host pays I would feel under pressure to reciprocate.

So what would you do if someone invited you to celebrate their birthday in a restaurant but didn't offer to pay?

I just don't see it as that different to a group of friends going out to a restaurant for a non-big birthday, or for dinner at any other time. No one is obliged to attend. If they fancy it, they attend and pay.

Aside from my dad, I've only heard of hosts paying on mumsnet.

I always go buy if I invite then I pay with family. Friends we all just pay for ourselves regardless of who suggests the meet up. I wouldn’t expect the birthday person to pay as it’s their birthday so they should be the one that’s treated.

Madness

i always go out for peoples birthdays and pay for myself, just like they pay for themselves when they come out for my birthdays!!

Wouldn't cross my mind to pay for everyone else 😂

If I received an invite to celebrate someone's 50th at a restaurant my assumption would be that I'd be paying for my own meal.

I would also try and find out who else was going so we could agree in advance to chip in for birthday person's dinner.

Well it's clear that there's no consensus, and a lot of weirdly strong feelings both ways. One thing I find really quite odd is people saying 'I've been out for hundreds of celebrations and never once has the host paid'. Really? I wouldn't say it's the norm - I haven't been keeping a tally - but it's not that unusual is it? It's happened to me quite a lot, and that's across gatherings of my working class family and friends who don't have much money and the poncy lawyers I also now hang around with now who do. In my experience it's not unusual for people across all socioeconomic strata to want to provide something a bit special for their family/friends once in a while, it's just a nice thing to do, so like I say it seems odd for it to apparently never have happened to so many people.