To not want to date men who don’t have degrees?

[ForNiftyOrca]

I know this might sound snobby to some but I’ve realised I’m just not interested in dating men who haven’t been to university. It’s not about money or status, it’s about mindset. I find I connect better with people who enjoy learning, have a similar outlook and value education in the same way I do. It’s not that men without degrees aren’t intelligent or successful, I just find I’m more compatible with those who’ve been through that experience.

AIBU to have this as a dating filter or is it unfair to rule people out based on education?

And achieved a desmond or lower from a low ranking university.

Having wasted time dating him after first skipping someone who would have been a great match, but who didn't fulfil a very black & white criteria.

Tbf, though, she has to filter somehow.

She could miss out someone who would have been a hreat match for any number of reasons.

But how do you choose your female friends?

I’m not that poster, but my female friends are all intellectual high achievers. Most of them have multiple postgraduate degrees, because they work in fields where that’s needed — academia, medicine, architecture, forensic archaeology etc.

My friends come from all kinds of backgrounds - from high achievers to people who left school at 16. I enjoy opera, classical music, visiting museums, history and culture in general, but I don't have a degree so I wouldn't pass the high entry requirements you have set to be in your friendship group.

And quite frankly I don't think I would want to. You sound quite disdainful about people who wouldn't pass a MENSA test and very snobby. I don't judge people for how intellectual they are. I judge them if they are unkind, inconsiderate or dishonest.

Out of interest how do you meet them? My friends are all from university or work, or are friends of existing friends, so similar educational backgrounds. You might match with people from a range of backgrounds on OLD, but that isn’t how most people make their platonic friends.

You’re projecting all over the place. I never said any of that, or said anything whatsoever about my or any of my friends’ likings. I never mentioned MENSA. I don’t think I know anyone who is a member, and I have no idea what my IQ is. Like most people, I’ve never had it tested. I’ve never mentioned anyone who ‘would t pass a MENSA test, so I can’t possibly have sounded disdainful about them..

What I said is that my friends have multiple postgraduate degreesbecause their jobs require them. I am assuming you don’t want your heart transplant done or to be defended in court by someone who left education at sixteen.

You sound terribly insecure.

Erm no.

I think you need to re-read your post to see how you come across. I got quite a few likes for that post BTW.

Neighbours, work, hobbies, friends of friends, relatives of friends, parents of DD's friends.

Being older, a lot of my friends are retired and have held jobs at all levels.

Maybe because it's a ridiculous criteria. Shared background of what? Lectures and labs? Getting pissed on pints of cider and black in the student union on a Friday night? Big woop.
OP, opposites sometimes attract😉

But lots of people’s dating criteria seem ridiculous or arbitrary to other people. I don’t personally decry women who will only date six-footers or blondes or weight-lifters, or men who earn over a certain amount.

That's not my experience. I don't see a correlation between educational attainment and intelligence, an appreciation, or abstract reasoning. Highly educated people are unlikely to have below-average intelligence, but there's no upper limit to the intellectual development of people without higher education.

I was fortunate to grow up in an incredibly stimulating intellectual environment. That was because of my parents' intelligence and endless curiosity about the world. Neither of them finished secondary school.

Ultimately this is why online dating is crap.

I have a friend who's head of HR in a Global company and also a friend who’s a cleaner. I’ve never chosen my friends based on their education or career, it wouldn’t occur to me.

Well there’s education and there’s education, right, OP? Where did you go to university, and was it a bachelor’s, Masters or doctorate?

I set this as a filter when I was online dating. I didn’t at first, and was open-minded to all levels of education. My decision to filter came of the experience of being on these sites!

Fair enough. I have a masters degree, my husband didn’t go to university. I actually feel like he is more intellectual and intelligent than me.

Well yes, there's plenty. Go read about it

DH has a first class STEM degree, an MBA and a PhD. He reckons I am as intelligent as he is.

It is but its also the same in real life. How many people do you walk past every day and never even speak to? Any one of them could be a good match 🤷🏻‍♀️

Exactly this. Degrees do not equal intelligence at all. I think the OP is very short sighted and possibly quite young.

They indicate a degree of intelligence. It would be silly to think they don't.

But they don't guarantee what the OP wants which is intellectual curiosity.

Subject would also play into that. Eg you're more likely to find intellectual curiosity in someone who has studied Philosophy than in someone who did Business Studies because of the differences in disciplines.

But it also depends on what ideas the OP wants to play around with.

Just having a degree isn't enough.

It is relevant as a reply to your post, where you seem to assume that OP wants someone with status and money as opposed to someone she can talk with/relate to. So I point out that people with similar backgrounds tend to have more to talk about.

You wrote "Have you ever thought about why some people didn't go to university? Finances, family circumstances? Ah yes, you wouldn't want to date anyone with that sort of a background, would you? What about someone who did a degree apprenticeship, does that hold enough status for you?", which seems to rather miss her point.

So I pointed out that just because she is an academic, there is no reason to assume that she is obsessed with status and that she probably has a lot of people in her life without degrees.

It's hysterical to me that because the OP has been to university and got a degree, you say she's an academic. I can assume you that the majority of graduates are not academics. It's as funny as the rest of your word salad.