MIL implying husband resents co sleeping and we need “adult time”

[Kahan]

my baby (7 months) sleeps in a co sleeper crib next to my main bed. We have 2 yo in bed with us. I’ve had post partum with both pregnancies and found it much easier to manage when co sleeping. I do have to admit I have easy babies. So I’ve lucked out. But MIL commented that maybe it’s time we utilised the nursery so we could have some space back to be adults. Dh shut her down straight away and said it was up to me. But it’s really got me worried. Husband obviously admits he finds the babies being in with us not ideal but supports me as it’s easiest for me. We’ve tried separate bedrooms but husband prefers sleeping with us anyway. I’m just very paranoid now. Husband has said it would be nice to have our room back but the babies are only young once. I get so much better sleep as I am breastfeeding. The other day I was speaking to a couple of friends and they ended up being really judgmental about wives that prioritise their kids over their husbands and almost using that to explain cheating . I just nodded along but was horrified on the inside. Our sex life is rubbish. It used to be very good. I just have no energy. Co sleeping works. Well it allows me to sleep.

Should I take the advice of mil/froends?

Yes and when she has a 7 month old! It's not like their kids are 7 and 9 is it.

Nope, natural birth spacing with frequent breastfeeding (helped by cosleeping) acting as contraception is actually about 3-4 years. It is different now due to modern diets but we are meant to nuture our children for ages and have some time to get our resources back.

Prioritise your sleep beyond anything else. If you have post partum depression being even more tired or listening to you babies scream while you ‘train’ them in their beds isn’t going to help you
They are babies for a short time. Do what’s right for you and them.

Agree, and choosing the appropriate time for this is also part of parenting. Children will naturally move into their own rooms when they are ready to. It’s like weaning or potty training, it’s easy and not particularly stressful, if you wait until it is developmentally appropriate for the child.

The context of the family matters too. A first child may be a little older when they sleep through the night in their own bedroom. A younger child moving into a a bedroom shared with a sibling may do this sooner.

I'm out the other side of this, I co slept for first 3 years with son, didn't matter about husband as he worked nights so it made sense. Then had daughter and he stopped working nights. My eldest went into their own room at 3 and I then co slept again with my new baby again for 3 years. We had a spare room so husband went in there. So in total I coslept for 6 years.
My kids are teenagers now and the husband is still in the spare room. He never came back. We tried but didn't like it as had grown too used to having our own space in the bed.
He now has his room , all clothes and possessions in their, decorated to his taste, and I have my room. It works for us , But........we have no sex life.....at all

We had all our kids in bed with us when they were little, not all at the same time tho!
I breastfed them and co-sleeping worked for me, i didnt drink/smoke. My husband would occasionally go out with work, come home a bit drunk but he was banished to the sofa!
Our eldest DS was in his own bed by age 2 1/2, our middle DS slept in our bed until he was around that age, tried his own bed but decided he liked our room, slept in a small bed next to us for a few years.
Our DD the same, in her own bed around age 4? Didnt like it, in the small bed for a bit then her own room.
I worked on and off, DH worked shifts, he was never bothered, as long as we all slept
My late DM ( i’m one of 6) said “you need to buy a bigger bed!”
We made the most of our time alone, kids staying at their auntys….
Our Ds’s are all grown up now, eldest working full time, middle doing Phd far away, they cant remember those early days of co-sleeping, they laugh about their childhood, all the lovely times
Our DD is 15, trying her best, she does try to sneak in our bed still, when her Dads away she sleeps with me
Do what works for you, its exhausting bringing up little ones, buy a bigger bed!

Why is it anyone else’s business? And why is your MIL so concerned about her sons sex life.

both of those scenarios are rooted in a women duty in providing sex to her husband which is ridiculous.

as long as you and your husband are happy that’s all that matters. This isn’t for ever

Decent men don't check out of family life simply because they don't get their way on everything.

My god some of these responses are disgraceful and I remember why I was told not to listen to my elders about parenting advice.

Don’t listen to these jealous posters. It sounds like you have married a good one that respects you and your wellbeing. As long as the two of you have open communication about when you are both ready to move your toddler out, it’ll be fine.

Your sex drive will come back, you are just tired. You also don’t need to have sex at night in your own bed.
Our 2 year old is in our bed (not by choice I’ll be honest here) and we are pregnant with number 2 so trust me, when there’s a will there’s a way.

A friend of mine had a health-visitor explain how she and her husband should sleep train (she was returning to work so she had to get her toddler into their own bed). Our HV team advise that the dad puts toddler down in their own room, when they wake up, the dad goes in and resettles them, the next time wait five minutes, then ten, then fifteen, and so on. My husband was complaining about having our toddler in bed, kicking him, but would prefer the current situation to having to settle a toddler that wants breastmilk on his own.

This thread isn’t about your baby though. It’s about OP’s baby. They’re different babies, with different temperaments.

Of course it’s silly to suggest OP moves from co-sleeping (which enables her to get some sleep through the night) to sleeping in a separate room from her breastfeeding baby (which would reduce the amount of sleep she gets).

There’s just a different way of doing things now, and I think it’s worse

Also - you do realise that breastfeeding and co-sleeping is literally the original and most natural way of doing things?! 😅 Putting a small baby alone in a separate room is the ‘different way of doing things,’ and you are right that it is indeed worse @Jade3450.

It's not really working, though, is it? You are living like flat mates...

I find that really sad for you as a couple.

My daughter is 4, son is 2 and I still call them the babies and refer to them as my babies, it doesn’t mean you coddle them, they literally are your baby🤷🏻‍♀️

Nope. Don’t take her advice, don’t invite her in your bed.

Very much crossing any boundary a mother should! Literally telling you that you should sleep with her son :/ yeeeaaaacckkk!!!

Do what you need to do to be rested as well as you can while you are breastfeeding

If my MIL had said this to me I would’ve asked when she was planning to take the dc out so DH and I could have alone time.

I’m a lot older than you and times were different….. I think you must work towards getting your children out of the bedroom (and don’t you move into their room!) and resolve it sooner rather than later.
We never had our kids sleeping in our bed - ever! I know it’s easier but honestly you’re making a rod for your own back. They had their own rooms from quite young.
You and your husband’s lives can’t stop because you’ve got children. We had date nights before they were a thing and weekends away and even abroad. We were lucky as we had family nearby who helped us and we made the most of it!!
Our kids are grown, went to Uni, good careers, really happily married and have their own kids. The best part is they have chosen to live close by so we can look after our grandkids - in fact one is on a sleepover tonight and will spend most of the week with us because it’s half term. I’m including the last paragraph to show kids can grow up normally never having shared our bed and being left with grandparents from a young age!

Ps I breastfed and went back to work after a few months too- we had to have a routine.
Edited for typo.

No it's 2025 and DH's mental health should not be ignored just to keep op "comfortable".

Her DH has been wonderful, shutting down MIL and saying it's op's decision. She needs to extend him similar courtesy by listening to his concerns/preferences and thinking about how they can work towards getting some adult time together.

MIL can keep her nose out. Your friends sound like absolute idiots stuck in 1950. Cheating is never excusable. Do what works for the 4 of you, ignore anyone else’s opinion. Your kids are only little for such a short time. Anyone who is a half decent parent to a baby and a toddler has a shit sex life, they won’t be tiny forever and you won’t be this tired for ever either.

Its up to you as a family, co sleeping wouldn't have worked for us. I liked our girls in our room then in their own room when a bit older with a monitor and I got in bed with them rather than them come in our bed except for of a morning or if my husband was away.

I still co sleep with my 11mo and I wouldn’t have it any other way. Baby sleeps better and I sleep better. My DH can either join us or not, it’s up to him (though I do prefer when he does). If I were you I’d keep doing what you’re doing - it’s totally normal in lots of parts of the world and throughout lots of history (read; totally natural - I hate how much fear mongering and shame there is around it). Have a frank conversation with hubby, though, and see what’s really at play here (resentful husband, meddling MIL, both, or neither?)

If you did decide to make a change, maybe you could start the 2yo in their own bed at night, and move them into your bed when they wake? That might give you a bit of quality time. Or maybe as part of a transition, hubby could sleep on a mattress next to the 2yo’s bed to resettle them on wake ups? Or start on a floor bed in your room if there is space?

What is it with men that makes them like this when you have kids? He’s clearly spoken to his mother about it.

Your sleep is more important than him getting his leg over. Maybe if he did a few night shifts, you might be more inclined to sleep with him.

Your children are only little once and they need you more right now. I wouldn’t allow myself to worry or be emotionally blackmailed into “prioritising” my partner over my children.