Reassurance required please

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I’ve had to bring my severely disabled brother into A&E. There isn’t anybody else who could have done this. He’s been ill for this entire year, including sepsis a couple of months ago that resulted in him being put in an induced coma.

DH is in Zurich for work. He can’t get home until tomorrow noon at the earliest. I’ve had to leave my two young DD’s (3 and 10 months) in the care of my DS. He’s 17, he’s responsible, but I’m looking at a long wait in A&E with DB so he’ll probably be caring for them overnight. My parents are away, I don’t have anybody available to look after my DD’s until around 6am tomorrow when my friend can go over. DS has never had them for this long by himself. DD2 is asleep, but DD1 is still awake. DS says they’re both fine.

DB is non verbal so won’t be able to advocate for himself if I go, plus he needs help with literally everything so he wouldn’t even be able to go to the toilet if I wasn’t here.

Would you leave a 17 year old in charge of two young kids? He’s had them for an hour or two at most by himself. I can ask for an appropriate adult for DB, but I know he’ll be stressed if I’m not here. I’m at a complete loss. We’ve already been here for 2 hours and they have just made an announcement that the current wait is 12 hours (!). DB is showing symptoms of sepsis again and I’m so worried

• [Message from MNHQ: please see the OP's update at 13:59 Sunday before responding]

So sorry for your loss. Xx

I am so sorry for your loss xx

Yes let your friend take the girls. It will give you time to spend with your DS and process what has happened. Funeral directors will help you with the arrangements. Take it one step at a time. Sending hugs.

DD’s are both sound asleep at my friends house. DS is still in the annexe, DH and I have been in to talk to him but he just says he wants to be alone. I haven’t actually cried all day but I just walked into the living room where DH has the Formula One on and started hysterically sobbing because usually DB would watch it with him. All your comments are so lovely thank you, I’m reading all of them xx

Your brother sounded really special to engender so much love from all of your family. A huge loss. I hope you have support to get through the next days and weeks. Thank goodness you had him, thank goodness he lived and is remembered in the embrace of you and your lovely family. A double blessing.

Sending you and your family love. You're an amazing person and have done everything possible for your brother. So sorry 😞

I’m so sorry about the loss of your brother. It sounds like he had a wonderful family around him, of which you should be proud.
Sending love to you and your family x

I'm late to this @blankcanvas3 but I just wanted to send you a virtual hug. I'm so sorry for the loss of your brother. (I have a disabled adult son, so your words about being in the hospital with him and how he was with you all at home really touched me.)

Your DS sounds like a flipping star. How proud you must be of him. It's a cockle-warming moment when you read about young men like him. I hope he's coping.

What a lovely family you sound. Sending condolences and strength to you all for coming days 💐

So sorry for your loss.

I am so sorry.

I am so deeply sorry for your loss & sending you strength through this heartbreaking time. Your love for all of your family shines through in your posts & I know you will all wrap eachother up in love & get through this together.

I’m so so sorry for your loss. I’m glad you could be with him and he was peaceful. Sending you so much love x

I managed to get an hours sleep last night, really struggling today. DH has taken the week off work so I’m not by myself, but I feel like a walking zombie. DS got into our bed with us about 2am which he hasn’t done since he was 10, DD’s are still with my friends and are due to come back this afternoon. I’m taking DS to see DB’s body today but I don’t think he’s going to be able to cope. I don’t think I’m going to be able to cope. I’m so tired but if I sit down for more than five minutes I start to feel restless and I get upset. I feel a bit silly really, but DB has lived with us for eight years so he’s part of our everyday life and I just feel so strange not popping to the annexe to see him as I usually would about this time in the morning. I can’t bring myself to go in there. I thought I might throw up this morning when DH suggested we make an appointment with the funeral directors.

Baby steps @blankcanvas3 . You're absolutely doing well and it must be so tough. Sending love and practical help 💕

There is nothing silly about grief. Your heart is broken, and your emotions are natural. Sorry for your loss of your lovely brother.

Oh bless you OP. Everything you feel and do at the moment is valid and necessary for your eventual healing...nothing is silly or trivial. Let the feelings come and sit with them. You're grieving hard because you loved hard. Who was it who said grief is love that has nowhere to go? It is testament to you and the love you have for your family. Hold your boy tight and feel secure in the knowledge that you did your absolute best for your DB and your DS is a credit to you ❤️💐

Oh my goodness I just logged on to see how your are getting on and saw your update. How terribly terrible sad for you all I am so very sorry x @blankcanvas3

Oh OP, I'd also been following your thread earlier in the week, I'm so sorry to hear such sad news, sending lots of of love.

You're one hell of a lady.

May the memory of your brother be a blessing.

DS decided not to see DB in the end, which I’m actually rather glad about because I found it a little bit traumatic. His GF is over now and is being extremely sweet, she’s been entertaining DD1 for the last hour which is a godsend because usually DD1’s number one goal in life is to be an absolute terror. DH has called the PIP people and cancelled the carers. My parents have finally made an appearance though aren’t being massively helpful, but it is a nice distraction as apparently they are incapable of making their own coffees. I had a sneaky cigarette earlier at the bottom of the garden (my first in 5 years) and I found it quite cathartic. DB is going to have a post mortem so we’re going to wait for that to be done until we make any funeral plans. DF is wanting to hunt down my biological mother but she hasn’t seen me or DB in 33 years so I don’t think she deserves to know. Also finding writing this all down to all of you very kind people cathartic, will probably have to move onto a journal at some point but for now this will do.

💕💕

I'm so very sorry for your loss OP. You sound like a wonderful family.

I'm so sorry for your loss. I wish I could give you all a hug.