Reassurance required please

blankcanvas3 · 2025-10-23T19:36:15+00:00

I’ve had to bring my severely disabled brother into A&E. There isn’t anybody else who could have done this. He’s been ill for this entire year, including sepsis a couple of months ago that resulted in him being put in an induced coma. DH is in Zurich for work. He can’t get home until tomorrow noon at the earliest. I’ve had to leave my two young DD’s (3 and 10 months) in the care of my DS. He’s 17, he’s responsible, but I’m looking at a long wait in A&E with DB so he’ll probably be caring for them overnight. My parents are away, I don’t have anybody available to look after my DD’s until around 6am tomorrow when my friend can go over. DS has never had them for this long by himself. DD2 is asleep, but DD1 is still awake. DS says they’re both fine. DB is non verbal so won’t be able to advocate for himself if I go, plus he needs help with literally everything so he wouldn’t even be able to go to the toilet if I wasn’t here. Would you leave a 17 year old in charge of two young kids? He’s had them for an hour or two at most by himself. I can ask for an appropriate adult for DB, but I know he’ll be stressed if I’m not here. I’m at a complete loss. We’ve already been here for 2 hours and they have just made an announcement that the current wait is 12 hours (!). DB is showing symptoms of sepsis again and I’m so worried * [Message from MNHQ: please see the OP's update at 13:59 Sunday before responding]

Pieceofpurplesky · 23/10/2025 20:40

Your DS has a phone. He's telling you all is OK. He sounds great. I am sure he will take great care of them as he knows you cannot at the moment. Let's face it he's old enough to have his own.

Take care of yourself and your brother. I am sure you will be contacted if needed.

Dontletthebedbugsbite2 · 23/10/2025 20:40

Hello, sorry to hear your DB is unwell & all the juggling you're having to do.. let's be realistic- how far are you from home that in the event your DS needed you, you could get back? If he needed you then you could leave DB temporarily - but chances are he will be absolutely fine. Does youngest sleep through the night? If he does then pretty soon oldest will just be keeping a listen out for them & your friend/you will be back to take the reins. Everything is fine. It's not your ideal scenario but it is an emergency & if your DS needs you, he will let you know,& then you can think of a plan B. Sending lots of love x

MatildaTheCat · 23/10/2025 20:41

If your DS is able and willing to take care of your DDs then I’d be inclined to let him so long as you can stay in touch at all times.

Id make staff aware that there is a possibility of you having to leave. And ensure that DS and your friend have a simple and easy to follow list of the schedule/ needs etc.

Wishing you and your DB well, what an awful situation to be in.

MadamNoo · 23/10/2025 20:42

How stressful. I think you are right to be with your brother, but is there no other friend or neighbour to ask for help at home? It’s a legitimate emergency.
my worry with my teen boys would be that though very responsible they are extremely deep sleepers. Can they all sleep in the same room?? Is the phone connection good? I’d want to be sure you and ds could be in touch any time.

Dontletthebedbugsbite2 · 23/10/2025 20:43

Also, just to say if you do suspect sepsis then there is no way he should be waiting for 12 hours, so chances are he will be seen before then. You're in an awful situation but you're doing the best you can x

Original poster

blankcanvas3 · 23/10/2025 20:45

Dontletthebedbugsbite2 · 23/10/2025 20:40

Hello, sorry to hear your DB is unwell & all the juggling you're having to do.. let's be realistic- how far are you from home that in the event your DS needed you, you could get back? If he needed you then you could leave DB temporarily - but chances are he will be absolutely fine. Does youngest sleep through the night? If he does then pretty soon oldest will just be keeping a listen out for them & your friend/you will be back to take the reins. Everything is fine. It's not your ideal scenario but it is an emergency & if your DS needs you, he will let you know,& then you can think of a plan B. Sending lots of love x

I’m about twenty minutes from home, so I can get there pretty quickly. DD2’s sleep is pretty hit and miss so I have no idea if she’ll sleep through. It’s probably a 50/50 chance. DD1 is terrible at going to sleep so I’m thinking she’ll probably end up crashing out on the sofa at some point, I have told him not to worry about forcing her into bed because even I get stressed putting her to bed.

I think he might struggle a bit if DD2 is crying because she’s woken up and DD1 is still awake and grouchy.

OP posts:

Original poster

blankcanvas3 · 23/10/2025 20:47

MadamNoo · 23/10/2025 20:42

How stressful. I think you are right to be with your brother, but is there no other friend or neighbour to ask for help at home? It’s a legitimate emergency.
my worry with my teen boys would be that though very responsible they are extremely deep sleepers. Can they all sleep in the same room?? Is the phone connection good? I’d want to be sure you and ds could be in touch any time.

I’m contacting everyone I can think of! I’m hoping somebody could even just take DD2 as I know DS would be fine with my eldest daughter by himself, it’s just both of them at the same time that worries me.

Phone connection is fine, he’s already told me he will stay awake all night in case I need him bless him

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Dontletthebedbugsbite2 · 23/10/2025 20:48

Does DB usually live with you? Does he have carers? I think although your DS may get slightly stressed, he would contact you if he needed. Alternatively, would he be happier sitting with his uncle?

Original poster

blankcanvas3 · 23/10/2025 20:51

Dontletthebedbugsbite2 · 23/10/2025 20:48

Does DB usually live with you? Does he have carers? I think although your DS may get slightly stressed, he would contact you if he needed. Alternatively, would he be happier sitting with his uncle?

He lives in an annexe attached to our property. He does have carers, but of course today is the day the night carer calls in sick and the agency can’t find cover. When they have called in sick before and DH is at home I just look after him. It’s all horrific timing

OP posts:

Barney16 · 23/10/2025 20:55

I think it will be fine, they may all end up flaking out in your living room in front of the TV but you're in an emergency situation. Sounds like you are close enough to get home if necessary. Your son sounds absolutely lovely by the way and I hope your brother gets seen quickly.

Dontletthebedbugsbite2 · 23/10/2025 20:56

Oh that's really tough. I think for now make peace with having to be at hospital with DB - there is nobody else who can go & he needs you there. If things change in regard to DS managing babies then you can go home & ask for an appropriate adult for DB. Not ideal, but also not terrible & you need to prioritise who needs you most. Right now that is DB. If that changes and becomes DS then you go with the new plan. Just to say - 99% of people would be happy to help you out, DS' friends parents, nursery staff, nursery parents... I know it is a tough situation but there will always be someone willing to help although you may feel alone right now.

SpringSummerAutumn · 23/10/2025 20:57

Certainly when I was a teenager people could and did get married and start a family at 16.

So I'm sure your DS is more than capable of looking after your young children.

I'm sorry you have been put in this position OP and I understand your worry but I'm sure your DS will be fine.

TokyoSushi · 23/10/2025 20:59

Oh OP, you’re clearly doing the very best you can in a difficult situation, well done to your DS, hopefully DB gets seen quickly.

SilverStripedSunset · 23/10/2025 21:00

Your DS will be fine, you’ve made the right call in staying with your DB. I hope he gets seen soon.

AtlasPine · 23/10/2025 21:02

Just wanted to say your 17 yr old ds sounds lovely. He might have a tough night but he’ll most probably cope ok. You’ve clearly done a great job bringing him up. What a lot on your plate. I hope you will get the chance to look after you at some point soon.

Izzywizzy85 · 23/10/2025 21:05

AtlasPine · 23/10/2025 21:02

Just wanted to say your 17 yr old ds sounds lovely. He might have a tough night but he’ll most probably cope ok. You’ve clearly done a great job bringing him up. What a lot on your plate. I hope you will get the chance to look after you at some point soon.

This! He sounds really mature and sensible, a credit to you. I’m sure he will be just fine (if not absolutely knackered 😂) tomorrow.
sending best wishes to your brother x

Octavia64 · 23/10/2025 21:06

I doubt any of them will enjoy the experience but yes I think they’ll all be fine.

LikeStrawberriesAndCream · 23/10/2025 21:06

Yes, I would - obviously it's not ideal, but this is an emergency. Awful situation you're in.
Look up Martha's Rule for the latest in getting urgent help for Sepsis, and don't be afraid to make a fuss. Good luck.

toomuchfaff · 23/10/2025 21:08

I think i'd be making an assessment after the initial triage which should be quite quick, if he has got unmistakeable symptoms of sepsis; you're unlikely to be waiting 12 hours, if they assess that he hasn't got unmistakable symptoms of sepsis and you're sent back to the waiting room to wait out 12 hours i'd consider taking him home, it all depends on what the "symptoms of sepsis" he has that you've seen and are worried about?

Original poster

blankcanvas3 · 23/10/2025 21:12

toomuchfaff · 23/10/2025 21:08

I think i'd be making an assessment after the initial triage which should be quite quick, if he has got unmistakeable symptoms of sepsis; you're unlikely to be waiting 12 hours, if they assess that he hasn't got unmistakable symptoms of sepsis and you're sent back to the waiting room to wait out 12 hours i'd consider taking him home, it all depends on what the "symptoms of sepsis" he has that you've seen and are worried about?

He’s boiling hot, his pulse is racing, he’s struggling to breathe and his skin is all patchy. Exactly the same as the last time he had sepsis. He’s still not been triaged, which is worrying me

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Magnificentkitteh · 23/10/2025 21:14

I think DS will be fine. I would babysit young children those ages at that age and they were kids who barely knew me. It was sometimes tough and I had to bounce and sing to them for ages if they woke at night but none of them ever came to harm. Your dds are with their DB so even more fine and it's great you have brought him up to be a responsible almost adult willing to step up.

Barrenfieldoffucks · 23/10/2025 21:16

blankcanvas3 · 23/10/2025 20:47

I’m contacting everyone I can think of! I’m hoping somebody could even just take DD2 as I know DS would be fine with my eldest daughter by himself, it’s just both of them at the same time that worries me.

Phone connection is fine, he’s already told me he will stay awake all night in case I need him bless him

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Lovely boy.

He'll be fine, some are parents at his age. If in doubt, all get into bed with snacks and a tablet and cuddle.

I'd have made the same choice as you, I hope your brother is ok.

RobertaFirmino · 23/10/2025 21:17

Please don't worry. There are some 17 years olds who look after two small children all day, every day and they manage fine. There are 17 year old nursery practitioners too.

WRT sepsis, when I was found to have it in A&E, I was put on a drip straight away. They really do take it seriously, even if there are just 'signs'.

I do hope your brother is going to be ok.

AbraKebabraa · 23/10/2025 21:18

Be prepared to be amazed at what your loving son will cope with. He knows what you’re up against and has fully stepped up. You’re in a difficult situation but with his support will manage. Try not to worry. I hope your brother is okay. 💐

Skyflyinghigh · 23/10/2025 21:19

What a lovely son you have. He sounds calm and capable and is keeping in touch. I hope DB will be ok x