Reassurance required please

[blankcanvas3]

I’ve had to bring my severely disabled brother into A&E. There isn’t anybody else who could have done this. He’s been ill for this entire year, including sepsis a couple of months ago that resulted in him being put in an induced coma.

DH is in Zurich for work. He can’t get home until tomorrow noon at the earliest. I’ve had to leave my two young DD’s (3 and 10 months) in the care of my DS. He’s 17, he’s responsible, but I’m looking at a long wait in A&E with DB so he’ll probably be caring for them overnight. My parents are away, I don’t have anybody available to look after my DD’s until around 6am tomorrow when my friend can go over. DS has never had them for this long by himself. DD2 is asleep, but DD1 is still awake. DS says they’re both fine.

DB is non verbal so won’t be able to advocate for himself if I go, plus he needs help with literally everything so he wouldn’t even be able to go to the toilet if I wasn’t here.

Would you leave a 17 year old in charge of two young kids? He’s had them for an hour or two at most by himself. I can ask for an appropriate adult for DB, but I know he’ll be stressed if I’m not here. I’m at a complete loss. We’ve already been here for 2 hours and they have just made an announcement that the current wait is 12 hours (!). DB is showing symptoms of sepsis again and I’m so worried

• [Message from MNHQ: please see the OP's update at 13:59 Sunday before responding]

Sorry to read your update about your lovely brother- you were an amazing sister to him and I am sorry for your loss X

One day you will find solace in knowing you were the best sister your brother could have had. And your son, everyone who read your post was so impressed with him.

So very sorry for your loss ❤️

So sorry to read your update, OP, that's really sad x

Agree..

Firstly, Im so sorry for your loss OP.

I also just want to say you should be extremely proud of yourself for being there for your brother and also for raising such an amazing son.

@blankcanvas3 I'm just so sorry. I'm glad your DB woke up and you were able to speak with him. I'm glad you have supportive family.

I am so very sorry for your loss @blankcanvas3
You sound like both a fabulous sister and mother. There can be no doubt your brother felt loved to the end. His love and memory will live on in you and your family’s hearts.
Please look after yourself now x
💐

Yes , in this situation, I would leave your ds in charge of his younger siblings.

Things may be chaotic, and the usual routine may not be followed, but they will be safe and he is familiar.

A friend has offered to take the girls over night so I can have some time to myself. Am I a terrible mother if I take her up on the offer? DH is being wonderful and doing his best but my youngest is being very clingy and I’m struggling. DS still hasn’t come out of the annexe :(.

I'm so sorry to read your update. It sounds as though you have been a wonderful sister and your DS is a very special young lad. Thinking of you all and your brother

OP I am so sorry 😢 I have read your thread with tears at your amazing family and I can only imagine how deeply you will all feel the loss of your brother.

Please contact PALS (or your husband do it) when you are ready to go over everything your brother went through.

And no, nothing wrong with your dds going to a friend for the night - remember your life jacket first. You must be exhausted and stunned. Do whatever you need to do to get through the coming few days

I’m so so sorry for your loss op xx

I'm so sorry for your loss.
Regarding your daughters, I would take your friend up on her kind offer. You are clearly not a terrible mother - the exact opposite in fact! You sound a truly wonderful person in the way you have raised your family and cared for your brother. A quieter night without thr demands of your little ones might be what you need right now in order to process, and it sounds as though your lovely son will need the support from you too. Wishing you all the very best. x

Omg I am so sorry 💔 I am so sorry that you have lost your amazing brother. Together, you all sound like one of the most lovely families I have read about here. Wishing you all the strength and love in the world. Xxxxxx

Absolutely have the girls picked up x

I've nothing to add op but I'm really sorry for your loss. You're not a terrible mum for allowing your friend to help with the kids.

I just read your whole thread. When I got to your update it actually made me well up. I’m so sorry for your loss.

your DS sounds an amazing human being, you must be very proud of him.

Oh @blankcanvas3 I’m so so sorry, I’ve just found myself in tears about your lovely brother and you and your son too. Definitely have the little ones picked up, it’ll do all of you good to be able to grieve without upsetting them. Your 17 year old sounds fantastic, what a great young man you’ve brought up. And be kind to yourself, you have done such an amazing thing looking after yourself brother, you deserve to feel proud.

@blankcanvas3 yes - let your friend pick up your younger children. You will benefit from a few hours to concentrate on your grief. So, so sorry to read your update. A real shock for you too, since he seemed to be improving.

Take care of yourself.

I am so sorry for your loss @blankcanvas3 . You sound like a wonderful mum and sister and definitely take your friend up on her offer to have your girls for the night - allow yourself some time with your own grief.

I'm so sorry OP. You have been an amazing sister to your lovely brother. Supporting each other until the end. May he rest in peace.

Oh love, I'm so sorry for your loss 💐 what a lovely sister you are and so glad that you were able to be with him at the end and that it was peaceful. Sending you so much love, may his memory be a blessing 🙏

I’m so sorry @blankcanvas3 I was preparing a post based on your early posts & then read your update. Please understand you are most certainly not a bad mum to allow your daughters to be cared for by a friend & give you adult time with your amazing DS & DH & that large gin. You have also been a perfect sister & never abandoned your brother when he needed you which is also something you should be rightly proud of. Treat yourself & loved ones gently & use the advice of bereavement office & undertakers they have done it all before. Sending any hugs & comfort you can take xxxxx

Oh no, I'm late to the thread too and I'm so sorry you've lost him. I'm so glad you were able to be with him though, what an unbelievably wonderful sister you are. And your children, especially your son, are an absolute credit to you.

Please take this minute by minute for now, I've been where you are and right now you're in immense shock. Sending you all the love.