Reassurance required please

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I’ve had to bring my severely disabled brother into A&E. There isn’t anybody else who could have done this. He’s been ill for this entire year, including sepsis a couple of months ago that resulted in him being put in an induced coma.

DH is in Zurich for work. He can’t get home until tomorrow noon at the earliest. I’ve had to leave my two young DD’s (3 and 10 months) in the care of my DS. He’s 17, he’s responsible, but I’m looking at a long wait in A&E with DB so he’ll probably be caring for them overnight. My parents are away, I don’t have anybody available to look after my DD’s until around 6am tomorrow when my friend can go over. DS has never had them for this long by himself. DD2 is asleep, but DD1 is still awake. DS says they’re both fine.

DB is non verbal so won’t be able to advocate for himself if I go, plus he needs help with literally everything so he wouldn’t even be able to go to the toilet if I wasn’t here.

Would you leave a 17 year old in charge of two young kids? He’s had them for an hour or two at most by himself. I can ask for an appropriate adult for DB, but I know he’ll be stressed if I’m not here. I’m at a complete loss. We’ve already been here for 2 hours and they have just made an announcement that the current wait is 12 hours (!). DB is showing symptoms of sepsis again and I’m so worried

• [Message from MNHQ: please see the OP's update at 13:59 Sunday before responding]

You are doing the right thing.

i hope it all gets better for your brother.

What a stressful evening, but you will get through it. The only thing that matters right now is keeping everyone safe. It sounds like your brother is the priority here. If you are confident that your little ones are safe with your 17 year old - and he sounds lovely and capable - then yorue doing the right thing. Let your eldest know nothing else matters but everyone being ok tonight, if that means they stay up all night watching films if that gets them through, or they all sleep on the living room floor, that doesn't matter. Just say keep his phone charged and any safety things like stair gates etc are in the right place. Hope all's ok

How distressing for you all. Take it hour by hour. Positive vibes to you all X

I would just make sure he’s got instructions on the basics, what to do if the baby wakes up - eg check nappy (can he change a nappy/ does he know where the stuff us), give a bottle if they have milk (does he know how/ bottle setup etc ), soothe them back to sleep (best tips for this). How to check if too hot / cold, are they wearing right layers

The situation sounds really difficult. Thank goodness you can rely on one your eldest child.

May I ask, why is your brother living with you rather than his parents? You have very young children who need you, plus your eldest will be at college so needs to concentrate on his studies. Presumably if your brother has had serious health concerns for a year then this situation, albeit less frenetic, has happened often before.

Sometimes it takes a crisis like this to highlight how much someone’s caring role is too much. Even though your brother has carers, I bet you are still having to oversee his care, organise said carers, organise appointments, sort his food and washing. Essentially, you are perhaps running two households.

I'd ring the care agency's emergency line; I know they said that they couldnt anyone, but i would expect them to ring other agencies or try again to get someone to come. Also they might be able to bring the day call forward.

Also if your brother hasnt even been triaged - i know its hard, the last time i was in a&e with my mother it was like a war zone and no one would pay any attention at all. But is theres any chsnce of saying again its sepsis to anyone? Theres lots of research that shows that disabled people get much worse health care than non disabled people. They prbobly wont care about your situation, they will just tell you to go home and that they will look after him. But he has a serious enough health condition to be a priority.

Dont worry too much about your son - he sounds great and oldcenough to step forward in these circumstances.

Your 17 yo will do fine. Don't worry and take care of your beother.

This sounds so stressful, sending a handhold. I think I would probably go to the counter and calmly explain that you are very concerned about sepsis x

Ahh, it’s complicated. My mum isn’t around and hasn’t been since I was about 6 months old (in hindsight it was PND but wasn’t picked up), so when I say my parents I mean my dad and stepmum. My dad isn’t DB’s dad. DB was looked after by my mum’s parents but they died 8 and 10 years ago, I took over after that. No idea where my mum is so she’s no help and nobody knows who DB’s dad is apart from her.

Yes, I agree i’m running two households but the guilt would probably eat me alive if it were any other way. I don’t really know what else to do

Thanks for all your comments, DB has been triaged and is being taken straight through. I’m in the relatives room now. They’re putting him on antibiotics, going to take blood and do a chest x-ray

I'd go back up to reception and ask how long before he will be seen.

They will do observations and check for fever, listen to his chest, do his oxygen levels.

Has he got a temperature? Has he has paracetamol today? did it work, did it work for a short time or not at all? Have you got him all wrapped up, or is he still hot without being wrapped up?

Cross posted. glad hes been seen

of course it’s fine. Your ds is family.
Some people have children of their own at 17, my best friend had her first at that age. My sister used to babysit full time at that age and do overnights with small children and babies who weren’t related. Of course it’s not ideal but it’s an emergency. Fair play to your ds for stepping up to it at this difficult time. In fact it’s good life experience for him.

Totally understand now. You are his only biological relative and it’s fallen to you.

I had over-interpreted the situation based in ‘parents are away’ and I though ‘Hang on, the boomers are on holiday, retired!? Living their ‘best’ life?!

I just get really annoyed that women get endless caring roles foisted upon them when they’re already caring for their own children.

This. Please tell your DS to sleep in the same room as your 10 month old. So sorry you are in this awful situation.

No, I understand. To be honest my DF always says he looks DB as his own son so actually I’m rather frustrated that despite that somehow everything falls on me still. I could probably rant for days about that!

Your son will be fine because he’s had the caring disposition modelled so well by you. In fact, even relatively immature teenagers can really step up when the magnitude of a situation hits them. And then they go to the loo and find the magic loo roll fairy doesn’t exist, then they’re more grateful for what you do.

Glad to hear the wait to be seen had been resolved and that investigations and solutions are within sight. Keep us posted OP.

Having a little cry in the relatives room because DS has just sent a photo of him and both DD’s in our bed. DD2 woke up but they’ve all got into our bed to watch a film, and DD2 has fallen back to sleep. He says everyone is calm and happy.

No more news re DB yet. He’s had blood taken but that’s it so far.

Ah that's lovely. It might end up a nice memory for them. I hope DB is soon on the mend and you're all home tomorrow.

Right now your priority is your poor brother.
You have an absolutely wonderful son. He sounds very sensible and mature, beyond what most 25 year olds would be. He won't have the best night of his life, but it sounds like he's got this. You can get him a nice present when it's all over to thank him.

You are ok you are doing the best you can - your son is fine and what a fabulous young man. Rest while you can you are in the right place doing the right things

I just wanted to say how lovely it is to read a thread where a capable teenager is helping his mum out. I hope your brother is ok OP and you should be very proud of your DS. You’ve clearly done a great job raising him.

You sound like an absolutely fabulous sister and mother. No wonder you’ve raised such a wonderful DS - snuggled up in bed watching a film together sounds perfect.
Good luck at the hospital, hope everything goes as smoothly as possible x

@blankcanvas3 I just wanted to say there is a bigger gap between me and older brothers. I loved it when one of my brothers looked after me, it was a big happy adventure. They will all love it. Hope your DB is ok and comfortable xx

Came on to say the same, and you sound like a lovely sister.