Trigger warning -To have told my friend her racist Facebook posts could cost her her new job

[greenishredblue]

And I was told to mind my own business.

to be honest rethinking the friendship as our values are obviously completely different

she has just started a new job in a solicitors which I am guessing would cater to all different people from all different cultures, religions, believes etc. recently she has been posting some really well racist stuff such as “sink the boats” and “ban the burka” and “fuck off home” “Britain for the British” “Immigrants are pedos” “our children need to be protected not shot in their own school”
things like that.
tonight she has also posted a post saying “only nonces encourage children to believe they are in the wrong body”.

that last one I don’t believe the nonces part but I do have some options about children being transgender but I don’t post them all over Facebook.

if I were a boss of an organisation that deals with the public I would not be at all happy.

I even have another friend who is not as close to this person threatening to send her company the screen shots as she is so disgusted. I have said that is up to her and to leave me out of that one.

the thing is she has been done before in the her last job for writing horrible things about a colleague and was so close to the sack.

I just don’t think I can be in the same company as this friend now. It’s fair enough having different ideas and beliefs but it just goes too far

If we dont challenge abhorrent views people will continue to express them. They aren't benign.
I have friends who are immigrants.
My DD has friends who are immigrants.
One of the surgeons who saved my life by performing cancer surgery was an immigrant.
Many of the NHS staff who supported me through cancer treatments are immigrants.
My daughter's MFL teacher is an immigrant.
I could go on.
It is not ok to make statements that demonise immigrants or suggest they are pedophiles. It is destructive and hurts people. People who are friends and neighbours. People who are contributing to the society we live in. It isn't virtue signalling to challenge statements such as these.

FGM and forced marriage are not legal in this country. Nobody thinks it is racist to say these things are wrong and the people trying to fight against it are most often immigrant women themselves. We should be supporting them not making their lives more difficult by spouting racist bile.

I knew someone who worked for a police force who had similar on her FB. Never approached about it to my knowledge. All wrong

I actually think asking her if her Facebook has been hacked makes sense.

If you've been friends for 35 years, but only started posting racist shit a month ago, that's a valid question.
Even if you know it hasn't, it shows her that people have noticed and don't like what she is posting. Otherwise, I don't know about anyone else, but I wouldn't be aware if anyone on Facebook unfriended me. So you've not really challenged her.

Oh dear. I think it's only a matter of time before she's disciplined over this. Or worse.

I have friends and family who are immigrants.

I have also been an immigrant multiple times. Which apparently makes me a paedophile. Whodathunk!

This was meant to quote @Owlbookend

I actually think asking her if her Facebook has been hacked makes sense.

"Hi Carol, I think you might want to reset your Facebook password, because someone is using you account to make you look like a horrible racist". Inspired by this.

I wish people would read what I have written.

I have NOT nor am I going to report her to her boss. I never once implied this. I have deleted and blocked her.

that is all on the other friend who is outraged that ex friend has both hosted and taken favours from her Muslim immigrant husband and is now posting these views.

apparently one poster says my actions show I am right wing- please explain

also how the heck have i snooped further, and how can calling out racist be virtue signalling!!!! Surely if I wanted virtue I would not have posted on here to strangers who don’t know me from Adam I would have posted on my social media how fantastic I am to have challenged a racist post with my name there loud and proud for all to see.

it’s her Facebook page. It is not even locked down it’s open for everyone to read.

yes I am concerned about her husband as we have been friends a long long time as well.

some people posting have made me the bad guy and a worse person and even a danger to be around as one poster said? I thought the purpose of Aibu was to ask advice and I am doing the right thing.

anyway as I have been labeled awful, dangerous and virtue signalling I am signing off this post. Wow never thought being disgusted with racist posts would make someone dangerous.

thanks for the useful advice of those who gave it

i will just lastly say that I think quite a few posters on here are upset because they agree with what ex friend has put on social media. Especially when dressing it up as being concerned about a danger to women.

One of the times I have felt degraded as a women was walking past a Britain first march were nearly every single men was yelling at any passing women wolf whistling or yelling nice tits or worse.

3 times I have been assaulted have been by white British men who would have all considered themselves patriots to their country and I know for a fact 2 of them have now jumped on the immigrant pedo/ danger to women bandwagon.

anyway i have gone of on a tangent. Thanks again the advice. I will not being doing anything further and if the husband gets in touch which I think he might I will tell him why

@greenishredblue it's not you, it's them. Racists in disguise who don't like you calling one of them out.

@Slightyamusedandsilly
Thanks

we recently had a house raided in our village for explosives and it was all over social media how it had to be illegal immigrants making bombs and “well we all know they are not going to be white etc” Anyone who challenged this got called some pretty nasty stuff, one women was even told she deserved a good raping.

anyway turns out it was a 16 year old white lad who was planning to make fireworks and sell them!!!!!

It’s odd to accuse someone of virtue signalling on an anonymous forum. It’s generally just a very tedious and patronising way of trying to shut down an argument.

@greenishredblue unfortunately on AIBU there are a lot of posters who will say East just because the original poster said West, or kick sometimes vulnerable women hard.

Some seem to be misogynistic people who are trying to hurt women.
Some are very far right wing who are trying push their agenda - that's becoming bigger over the last couple years.
Some are just nasty individuals who get off on hurting others to a lesser or greater degree.

Plus the many, many people who don't read the OP correctly, or twist it, or miss implications, or read far too much into the post either deliberately or accidentally.

There are also sensible, kind and helpful people. Read the posts that are meant in good faith (which can ofc include constructive criticism!) and just ignore the rest.

You really weren't being unreasonable.

Some opinions cross the line.

I'd have to step away from her.

I had to unfriend a school mate of FB (didn't go unnoticed because we were part of a group) because she was posting thins kind of rubbish.

I won't put up with that shit from anyone as a white person, never mind risk my Muslim/black friends seeing it via my page or friends.

I doubt she would be wanting friendship with you if she knew you’d made this thread.

It’s an acquaintance rather than a friendship, isn’t it. If you can’t tolerate her mindset, you definitely aren’t friends.

Racism isn’t a mindset. One doesn’t have to “tolerate “ it like its a belief that the earth is flat or that there are fairies in the hills. It has real wirld, violent, implications for actual living oeople. Racism insists on unequal treatment, unequal application of laws, public and private insult to our neighbors and friends and relatives for belonging to a disfavored group. thst shouldn’t be tolerated.

To be fair to the OP, EVERYONE has a few racists or hyper racist people in their life, you just don’t know who they are unless you are an immigrant or look different to them.

I just reported a colleague who is the cheery old lady who brings biscuits for the office everyday. Shas been showering me with that racists comments, day in and day out for weeks. Everybody is holding her hand and ignoring me for putting her in that predicament… they have heard the abuse but someway, as it was coming from her it didn’t sound that bad to them?

I’ve noticed that when the virtue signallers are absent, casual racism just comes straight back in the door. Same as sexism ,when males are alone. A lot of it is to do with people seeing stereotypes as collective wisdom and feeling ok with that, but simultaneously feeling policed. It’s Exactly the same as being at school.. teachers tell you off, but you don’t respect the rules, you just pretend to do so when teachers are around. Just because you make something socially taboo, doesn’t mean you’ve changed peoples minds. Even micro policing them doesn't change their minds, it just reinforces the idea of nit picking being what social policing likes best.

It's quite ironic to say mind your business when you're commenting on things she's posting publicly.

It's quite tangible now the increased amount of racism in the air compared to even a few years back..........