To have done this to his clothes?

[Dockerty]

Bloke im seeing - first time he stayed at my house he had a shower and then left all his clothes (work uniform etc) folded (in a fashion) and piled up on the toilet. I went in to use the toilet, picked up his clothes and moved them into the bedroom.

Second time he stayed, he did the same thing so I went in to use the toilet, picked up his clothes and shouted of him to come and move them which he did.

3rd time - same thing - this time I didn’t pick them up, I just shouted of him to come and move them and asked him to stop doing this as I don’t want to be moving his clothes everytime I use the bathroom. He made a sarky “ooo ok boss” comment but moved them. I was pissed off and told him it’s a bit ridiculous that a grown man would leave his clothes like that for someone else to sort out! He said I was making a mountain out of a molehill.

So last night he stayed over again - same thing happened so this time I simply swiped the lot onto the floor, used the toilet and then got a shower myself. Accidentally on purpose stood on his clothes as I got out of the shower so they were wet.

An hour or so later he went to use the toilet and came back asking how his clothes got wet. I said they were on the floor. He said no they weren’t, they were on the toilet so I said yeah but then I needed to use the toilet so they ended up on the floor”.

He went in a full on mood about it saying it was petty and disrespectful and maybe he should treat my clothes the same way. I said he could - but he’d have to take them out of the drawer or wardrobe to do it which would be a bit weird.

so, who is BU, me or him?

It was petty to step on them on purpose, but if you've asked him three times and he's clearly not listening, I can understand why.

Is there anything positive about your relationship, as you've only mentioned negative things.

Why has he not yet learned his lesson?!

😂😂😂 omg. Don’t waste any more of your time on this specimen.

I think you have wildly overreacted by shooting and been petty by intentionally standing on his clothes. Context is key here. Usually a parter or housemate leaving their belongings lying about would be very irritating but in this case, he’s simply visiting you and presumably doesn’t have a proper place to keep his things. If you’re that bothered give him a drawer or space in the wardrobe.

I think @MrsTerryPratchetsorted this one out for you near the beginning of the thread.

The first year is the honeymoon phase - if they're showing that they're messy, inconsiderate, slobby, rude or just in any way incompatible with you in the first year - get rid. Working on a relationship has its place, once it is actually a relationship and you're mutually invested, but so many things, so early on - throw him back.

It’s not a huge deal to move them though, is it? Or tell him to ‘oi, come shift these please’.

Swiping them on the floor then standing on them making them wet is the kind of thing you’d be forgiven for doing after 15 years of marriage when you’re sick of his shit, not 4 sleepovers in when you’re supposed to be in the ‘honeymoon’ stage. That’s a very extreme reaction.

If he's "very much the opposite" of rich and good in bed, and he can't comply with a simple request, is sarcastic at being asked not to inconvenience you, why exactly has he been invited to stay at least 4 times?

As for those saying give him somewhere to leave his things, really don't do that. Surely he can workout for himself that a corner of the bedroom floor or a chair is a good solution, he doesn't need to be given a permanent home for them. If it's really that difficult for him to identify a more suitable spot, he could ask.

It’s not a huge deal to move them though, is it? Or tell him to ‘oi, come shift these please’.

Op had already done both of these things.

Why should she have to move another adult's stuff at all?

That’s a pathetic attempt at a dig at OP.

He’s only ever left them in one place. A place he’s been asked not to leave them. OP has moved them once and asked him to move them twice which he did. So he’s obviously aware of at least one place that is acceptable.

Stepping on them deliberately to get them wet is somewhat vengeful. But it happened after the guy’s lazy and disrespectful behaviour so it can’t be an excuse for it.

Does he still live at home having mummy do everything for him?😂😂😂

What he did is the action of someone who doesn't really care about the other person. Tremendously thoughtless and a sign that you should bin him off.

What you did is the action of someone who actively hates the other person. Yes, being thoughtless about his clothes is annoying, but going out of your way to make his work clothes wet is a bit unhinged. A sign he should definitely bin you off.

And the sex isn't even good? I'm utterly baffled as to why you haven't gone your separate ways already. Bad sex and you actively dislike each other.

“Cruel” 😆

His clothes got wet. That was all.

He hasn’t, he lives with his mum (I know)

This is the second post I have responded to today where women have enacted petty revenge on men who aren't behaving in a reasonable manner. You didn't have to get his clothes wet. Why would you do that? In my mind two wrongs don't make a right. You're allowing men to change your behaviour. These men aren't right for you. Instead of playing games just tell them to do one. I could possibly understand you messing with their clothes after you've dumped them, but how can you have a relationship with someone if you are both treating each other like shit, no matter who started it.

I would say it was cruel. If someone did that to a friend of mine I would be livid on her behalf.

I told him numerous times to put them on the chair in the bedroom (or god forbid, hang them up)

So you'd shrug it off just as lightly if your husband trod your work clothes into the wet floor on a day you needed to wear them because you'd forgotten to tidy up a couple of times...

I'm sorry to say this, but this thread shows you in a bad light. You are in a relationship with someone you mock and despise. Why?

"I know" - well clearly you don't because you're the one dating him. Have you ended things yet?

What on earth attracted you about each other?

So he’s not rich, not good in bed, lives with his mum and is a messy fucker. Aren’t you worth more, op?

Throw this one back. He's not capable of listening and simple requests like don't leave your clothes on the toilet. Inconsiderate and lazy.

"I told him numerous times to put them on the chair in the bedroom (or god forbid, hang them up)"

Then it seems that he's one of these guys that just doesn't listen.

Does he think that his clothes will magically levitate themselves off the lavvy seat and hang themselves up?

This sounds like you have a child in the house 🙄

For those who think the OP was unreasonable, what do they think the OP should have done, and do in future?

She'd already tried quietly moving the clothes herself.
She'd already asked him nicely.
She'd already asked more aggressively.

I know it seems like a minor issue, but what is the way forward? Because the only obvious alternative is to accept the behaviour and move his clothes yourself every time. Forever.

What the hell does he think the toilet is for? Is he not going to be irritated when he wants to use it and there are clothes on top?

And training OP to pick up after him.

Fucking hell, your standards must be subterranean