How to ask for my money? Girl’s night out a couple of weeks ago.

[brownalien]

I paid for a fair bit, everyone else has transferred the money back. Friend in question text to ask for bank details, I sent them, she still hasn’t transferred. Awkward.
We’re not hugely close (if we were I would just chalk it up and probably she’d get the next round in when we next went out). I’m finding it annoying more than anything else. Before anyone says - there are definitely zero financial issues.

Cut the wet lettuce act and ask for your money. "Hi when did you send my money as I can't find it? Let me know thanks xx" something like that is as polite as it can get. Or if there's a group chat call it out in there "Thanks for paying me back everyone, can't find yours Julie can you let me know when it was sent? Thank you xx"

I completely agree, i hate reminding people what they owe, i also think its good etiquette for people to let you know when they have paid at the time

How have we got 9 pages out of a simple

"Hi don't forget you owe me £28"

message that should be sent?!

I think the most infuriating person here is the OP.

leaves thread

The very definition of just looking for drama

If there's a group chat I'd drop a 'If anyone has forgotten to send me the money from the night out a few weeks back can you please do so as soon as you can? Had an unexpected bill come in and could really do with squaring things up. Thanks!'

That way you get to pass the awkwardness on, rather than feeling it yourself when asking for the money.

Hopefully the shame of being the forgetful one will have them taking action real quick!

Fair.

See ya

There is nothing which should make you feel bad about yourself reminding someone to pay you back money which they have already said they would do. People do it everyday without thinking. Just try a polite but firm reminder and let us all know if the sky falls in 😃💐

I would always appreciate you resending the bank details as it saves me looking back for them and helps me get it sorted straight away.

Not having any problems being assertive on this thread are you?

so I suspect you’re just bored and playing games.

Think of it like 'they don't mind doing something you don't appreciate so why would you worry about what they appreciate when resolving it'.

Anyway, they might have just forgotten and be grateful for the reminder.

To be fair it's easier to practise being assertive with complete strangers on an anonymous forum

I’m not, no. I’m anonymous here. Very, very different!

Hi Liz. Have you paid me for the night out yet? The money hasn’t appeared and I’m a bit worried it has been lost in the system somewhere!

Works best if you are a bit of a worrier!

It's unfair to you if she's just not prioritising paying what she owes. It's also unfair to your other friends who have paid. If you let her get away with this she's more likely to pull this stunt again so just send a quick reminder. She's the one who should be embarrassed, not you.

Is it particularly money you find it difficult to ask for OP? I was wondering if your friendship group is quite wealthy and it seems embarrassing to bother amount small amounts owed.

How long ago was it? Could you send her a reminder as it's been x days/weeks?
I completely get not feigning needing it if you don't. I think what you say/how depends on your friendship with the person:

1. Let it go and forget about it
2. Make a mental note for next time and remind her she owes you from before
3. Text, "Oi! Ya cheeky cnut, you still owe me £30!"
4. Text/call "Think you forgot to send that money over or sent it to the wrong account cos I haven't received it my end. Want to check the details?"

I would do each of the above depending on who it was lol You've said she has the money and has likely forgotten so I don't think she'll mind a reminder.

Who cares if they don’t appreciate it! I’m sure you don’t appreciate being taken for a mug.
Seriously you do need to follow this up. I guess it’s unlikely but she may have used the wrong details and it’s gone elsewhere.
People on here have gave loads of suggestions for polite but direct messages.

This time its 30 quid and you let it go, so next time? And the time after that?
How much money is too much for you to let go?

If she's genuinely forgotten then a reminder isnt a big deal. If she's trying to get out paying then she's a piss taker and do you really want to enable that?

You aren't the bad guy by asking for what's yours.

If OP is even half as irritating IRL as on this thread I'm not surprised the friend hasn't coughed up and would urge her not to

Is she being assertive though? Or just plain and simply rude?

'Oi, fuckface, pay your debts or I'll be around tonight with a pillowcase full of soap to bash your head in and nick your dog.'

Or, 'hey Nancy, I've just had a look and that money hasn't come through yet x,' if you want a more neutral approach.
I'd go for the first idea though, it'll cost you to buy a decent amount of soap but you can atleast use that afterwards, then also get a free dog/cat/goldfish, whatever she has.

@brownalien

i think you should just let her off, Op. suck it up. It’s embarrassing asking for money

Just tell her that you cc is due tomorrow and if she can transfer tomorrow. Easy!