How to ask for my money? Girl’s night out a couple of weeks ago.

[brownalien]

I paid for a fair bit, everyone else has transferred the money back. Friend in question text to ask for bank details, I sent them, she still hasn’t transferred. Awkward.
We’re not hugely close (if we were I would just chalk it up and probably she’d get the next round in when we next went out). I’m finding it annoying more than anything else. Before anyone says - there are definitely zero financial issues.

Can you get an actual pal to text the group chat asking if you've had the money from everyone to give her a gee up ?

No, no need to involve anyone else

Maybe she is forgetful and she would be mortified if she didn’t pay. So you reminding her is doing her a huge favour 😁. I mean why would she not want to pay her own bills? And why would she want her friends to think she is tight arse.

You are doing her a favour by texting her

This just seems like another rage bait MN thread where people spend time replying even though the situation probably isn't even real, or the OP is too weak of character to make any changes.

Other threads this week of a similar ilk:
~My new husband has thrown my pets away, taken all my money and treats me like absolute dog shit. Should I maybe consider leaving? Oh but I caaan't, I've nowhere to go.

~I assaulted and abused my partner to the extreme yesterday. But he was mean to me back. AIBU that he's the problem?

~My boyfriend hates my son and keeps treating him like a burden and being cruel to him. Am I right that he should stop? Oh but I can't leave because I love him...

Well she doesn’t feel awkward about trying to wriggle out of paying you back so I think you need to be quite direct with her, or she will continue to think she can get away with it. That’s not how real friends behave.

I once forgot to transfer one of my best friends just under £200 for a meal out in the weekend (a boozy meal). On the Tuesday she texted me a brilliant worded text along the lines have I had a chance to send the money yet as she can’t she it in her account?. I immediately apologised and transferred it and as far as I know it wasn’t a thing for either of us.
Just send the text OP.

I once forgot to transfer one of my best friends just under £200 for a meal out in the weekend (a boozy meal). On the Tuesday she texted me a brilliant worded text along the lines have I had a chance to send the money yet as she can’t she it in her account?. I immediately apologised and transferred it and as far as I know it wasn’t a thing for either of us.
Just send the text OP.

Then why are you here? If you're going to be a doormat, don't come on here getting people all radged up on your behalf.

Hey! I’m not responsible for others’ emotions! 🤣

I feel you OP. Being assertive just takes practise. Bite the bullet. Next time it’ll be easier. Good luck.

Rather than pay for everyone and them feel annoyed at them, see it as a tax on you for being under assertive. You are CHOOSING to not ask again, not push it, and always pay. That costs you money. Because inevitably someone takes the piss or forgets. That’s just life.

My advice, from a lovely communication expert I worked with, “if you didn’t ask for it, you don’t get to bitch that you didn’t get it”. Also her advice, if you can’t be properly assertive, just START the conversation, “about that money…” and leave it hanging. Let her fill in the blanks.

Do not lie, not even a silly small one. People on here always suggest that .
Do not apologise - the word "sorry" should not appear.
Send a text now - "You still owe me £28.50. transfer it asap. Thanks."

She has probably forgotten. I would appreciate receiving a reminder if I had forgotten.

I am not suggesting you turn miserly but this is a trait you need to get control of.

Ah you are the group's 'generous' one. Oh I'll pay, no no it's fine, sort me out after ... and then when it doesn't happen you freeze. Just get a grip and remind her to pay you and stop paying for people and let them pay for themselves!

If you had a group chat for the event I would put a message on there saying that you haven't received the money from everyone yet, please can everyone pay by the end of the day then message her privately with your bank details again

Who cares if she appreciates it. She owes you money. Don't me passive.

I hate asking for money too, its one of those awkward things that reduce the most assertive people to let it go and I get annoyed at myself for being a pushover. I don't forget when I owe someone money and pay immediately, and I am fortunate to be able to (within reason, I'm talking up to £100 etc. so can't understand those who don't, and can.

I know it doesnt help in this situation but I love Revolut where you can request the money through the APP and then send reminders when they don't pay it. OP a suggestion for future nights out, if you all use the same APP the costs get split evenly and you can also get monetary rewards when someone signs up for it too so you can all benefit from a free bottle of something when you go out!

Why dither around?

She owes you money and hasn't paid for 2 weeks. You need to communicate clearly that you expect that money now.

If she doesn't pay you, she is stealing from you. Think of it that way.

And stop paying for others if you are too scared to ask for payment.

You could always frame it as ‘are you still attending - only I noticed you haven’t paid’.

I have to do this with my customers sometimes. I used to hate it, but now I get actually indignant that they can be so flippant with MY money. Defo send the message, you are not the local cash till!

I like to think, "What would I want to teach my daughter to do in this situation?" and that normally gives me the courage to stand up for myself.

The night out was a couple of weeks ago.
OP has already sent her bank details.

Good thinking.

I’d echo this.
I’ve been the annoying friend who has completely forgotten after reading the message because something came up. I didn’t do it intentionally and it was for far more than this and I was so pleased when I was reminded and I’d have felt awful if I had t repaid. Not to mention what my friends might have thought.

I was never meaning to be cheeky, life just got in the way.

Please remind her.

Hi x, any chance you can transfer the y from our night out please. Bank details are zzzz