How to ask for my money? Girl’s night out a couple of weeks ago.

[brownalien]

I paid for a fair bit, everyone else has transferred the money back. Friend in question text to ask for bank details, I sent them, she still hasn’t transferred. Awkward.
We’re not hugely close (if we were I would just chalk it up and probably she’d get the next round in when we next went out). I’m finding it annoying more than anything else. Before anyone says - there are definitely zero financial issues.

send her

...

she's being bloody inconsiderate making you chase her like that.

Why are you paying for things up front for everyone.
Make it the last time.
Being an organiser is crap as your finding out.

Cos I always do. I’m a spendthrift in general. When it’s my siblings I never see a pound back but I don’t worry about that

Why will you do it in two days?

If it's been weeks then there are only two scenarios:

She's genuinely forgotten
Or she's trying to pull a fast one.

Waiting two days isn't going to do anything.

Honestly, just send a reminder, she’s probably just forgotten. If she’s done it on purpose she’s not a friend anyway

Just say I'm just checking whether you sent it as it's not showed up and I'm worried it's gone awry

If it helps you can reframe it in your head that of course she has done it because she said she would; so obviously something must be wrong, and if you don’t tell her then how would she know?

I had this situation last month, so I can tell you.

"Hey, Steve, you still owe me for the ballet. Gimme."
"Pay me"
"Pay me"
"Pay me"
"Pay me"
"Payyyyy mmmmmmeeeeeee"
"Pay me"
"Thank you!"

Names have been altered, nothing else has.

"send me the money or you sleep with the fishes"

You're massively overthinking. It doesnt matter whether she appreciates it or not. She should, because it will remind her to pay back a friend.

Well then just don't ask her then and write it off!

Bless you that you think I'm that invested in your £28.50, OP. I couldn't care less whether you get your money back or not and honestly if you're being this wet about it you probably deserve to lose it anyway.
I just don't like to see people wasting other peoples' time.

👍🏻

If she doesn't have form for this I'd give her the benefit of the doubt and assume she's forgotten. Just say 'It was lovely to see you the other week - great night. Just wondering if you've forgotten to send the money for x?'

I wouldn't try to justify or explain the reminder by saying you need the money for something or she will feel even worse if it's a genuine mistake. If she's being cheeky you're still making your point but being nice.

OP I'm one of those people who, if I don't do it straight away, tend to forget. It's rubbish of me I know. I try very hard not to forget, but if I do I would absolutely hope that the person I owe money to would text a reminder to me whereupon I would apologise and pay immediately.

Just message her. Hopefully she's a ditzy menopausal woman like me and has forgotten.

Okay, part of my work is chasing people for rents, and depending of the person/ situation have different levels of 'pay up!'.
First level is 'Hi, I can't see xx arriving in the bank. Would you be able to check on your end it sent properly please? I know banks glitch sometimes'.
Next level is 'Hi, xx hasn't arrived. Can you send by the end of the day? Thanks.'
After that I get arsey, which you don't seem to want to do, so fair enough ☺️

You could always just stop.

But you are complaining about it, hence your post. I do sympathise, as it can feel awkward. But you have a choice: get firm, nicely; or just write off the money and not sub that “friend” in future. You’ve got lots of good suggestions as to how to go about it.

Does it help to think about it logically, OP?
What are the reasons she's not sent the money?

1. She's forgotten
2. She's remembered but not yet been bothered to sort it out
3. She's a CF and hoping you'll forget about it
4. There's been some sort of family crisis which is taking up all her time/energy

What happens if you send a "Hi Sarah, just to remind you about the £28.50 you owe me from the night out. Please could you transfer it asap?" message?

if it's (1) she will be grateful to be reminded. If it's (2) she'll feel guilty not to have been bothered and sort it straight away. If it's (3) she'll realise you are not going to let her get away with it. If it's (4) she'll probably message and let you know what's going on and either pay it or ask if you can wait for a bit.

None of these scenarios result in any actual awkwardness - except potentially for the person who has not paid up. And if they are a friend they will be super apologetic and not mind. And if they are not a friend, who cares what they think?

Please can you lend me £50?

I know I will never have to pay it back.

Ridiculous? Of course! But if you can see that, why not in your original scenario?

OP, it's possible she will appreciate a reminder. If I don't do something immediately, I forget about it completely. If I owed someone money and they reminded me I'd be grateful and embarrassed that I had forgotten! And then I would do it straight away. Might your friend be forgetful?

Assertiveness is like a muscle, the more you use it, the easier it becomes.

You will be so proud of yourself if you get that money back.

People who don't chase up money inevitably get thought of as mugs.

You can be 100% sure that those that don't pay money back, would NEVER be caught out themselves by someone.

I don’t doubt that she’s just being forgetful. I don’t think she’s doing it on purpose!

She’s probably forgotten OP.

Just send one of the ‘hey, the £28.50 hasn’t landed in my account yet - could you check your end? Thanks so much.

I have to chase you clients for payment (whilst needing to maintain relationships). I tend to just resend the invoice on the pretence that I am not sure they’ve received it yet. Or the above.

Could you get away with a ‘can’t remember if I sent bank details! Here they are again just in case. Thanks - was a lovely night’. Keeping it all lighthearted and assuming she’s forgotten rather than than ‘Oi send me that money asap’

'Just clearing the decks before the weekend. Let me know when you've transferred the £28.50 for the night out. Bank details below. Thanks!'