How to ask for my money? Girl’s night out a couple of weeks ago.

[brownalien]

I paid for a fair bit, everyone else has transferred the money back. Friend in question text to ask for bank details, I sent them, she still hasn’t transferred. Awkward.
We’re not hugely close (if we were I would just chalk it up and probably she’d get the next round in when we next went out). I’m finding it annoying more than anything else. Before anyone says - there are definitely zero financial issues.

‘Sandra, send me your fucking money. I’m not a charity funding ‘Sandra’s Big Night Out On The Lash’.

Is it only me who'd appreciate a reminder? Occasionally people forget things and I'd rather someone said 'did I send you my bank details' so I could sort it rather than everyone thinking I'm a cheeky cow.

I am really forgetful.

In the past I was utterly in denial about how forgetful I am so I'd constantly leave things thinking "I'll pay that later" and then totally forget about it.

So yes, I would have appreciated a reminder, been embarrassed, but then paid it ASAP!

Nowadays I just pay stuff ASAP so I don't forget. But yeah - asking isn't necessarily something she will receive negatively. If she does, she is the one in the wrong, not you.

It doesn't matter whether she'd appreciate it or not, of she'd paid what she owed you wouldn't be chasing her,!

I have to chase arrears in my job, people give all sorts of bs excuses

So you will do her a favour if you remind her.

She’ll be mortified if in a few months time she suddenly remembers and she will wonder why you didn’t just ask for it. When you write to her just say “this is a friendly reminder of my bank details etc”.

imagine that we are all standing by you as you write the text then when you’ve done it come back on here and tell us how you feel after having done it. If you feel awful just let it out on here and we will support you.

imagine that we are all standing by you as you write the text then when you’ve done it come back on here and tell us how you feel after having done it. If you feel awful just let it out on here and we will support you.

And YY to this. I get myself all tied up in knots over sending the most innoccuous of messages/requests. However the more I push through the irrational "aaaaaaaargh" and just do it, the easier it gets.

Not sure if this will help or you have tried it but does your account allow sending a payment link, monzo and starling do...it makes it easy so they can do it instantly instead of going into app saving you as payee etc. I find people pay back much quicker. If they stall that though..... you know they are pulling a fast one....

I’d just message and say “did you transfer the money as I’ve not received it and wanted to check incase something’s gone wrong”

What message did you send to her after?

OP @brownalien why dont you want to message? Are you worried she won't like you or that you will come across as cheap? I dont understand!!

Why don’t you try reframing it.

“you are doing her a favour by reminding her.”

we are all so busy that I always really appreciate a reminder.

My exact post I would’ve said and do normally say to posters who moan about something they are never going to do something about .. so why moan ?! Just accept it !! Do something about it or just don’t think about it again coz no one else can do it for you !!

Got the children to bed and just sent her a message. Let’s see.

I’d send that. It’s perfect. No need for any extra details, reasons etc.
If she’s embarrassed so be it.
dont let her get away with it or she’ll just keep on doing so.

I would take this as an opportunity for self reflection as to why you cannot be as assertive in real life as you are on here and why you need to show off and always pay!

because here Occams Razor comes into play the likelihood is that she saw it went I don’t have time to pay (or potentially set you up as a payee and pay and forgot)

No offence but you’ve made this out to be way bigger than it actually is. People are so strange about this stuff, it’s not awkward, just ask her, if she’s asked for your bank details she’s probably just forgotten or an error. You can’t say it’s cheeky she hasn’t bothered sending, she might’ve tried, my Halifax app wouldn’t work last week it was a nightmare.
Quick simple message? No need for the dramatics and a mumsnet post.

Im invested now! Bloody hell at soft play last week it was Cash only. My best mate gave me a fiver for a coffee and I transfered it within 5 mins! 2 weeks later is a piss take

Nice OP. The reply will be telling.

’OMG - I completely forgot’ she’s normal and it was an error.

Silence - she’s a CF.

Show off? I don’t show off.

Do you have a group WhatsApp with all the girls from the night out? If so, maybe you can send a message in there so it’s not so obviously targeted to her?

Something like ‘hi girls, just a reminder if you haven’t transferred the money from our night out would you mind doing it today? It was £28.50. Thanks so much x’

Another way would be to say ‘not sure who has paid as there weren’t any details on one of the payments?’ That way it will remind her to pay you!
I would be so embarrassed if this was me! The other day I paid twice by mistake… once I gave my friend cash, the same night I also transferred money… I was drunk! She then sent it back haha!

I hate faffing around like this. Don't lie. Just say "hi you still haven't paid, so just checking you have my bank details XYZ". None of this "just checking you sent it" when you KNOW they didn't. So odd.

This is part of the problem with being excessively “wet”: the natural resentment that builds up tends to come out somewhere along the line. Which is shown here in some of your rather passsive-aggressive replies on here, where you’re safely anonymous. We’re aiming for assertive, not wet or pass-agg.

OP, did CF also borrow your Dyson Air Wrap?
Just asking...

I have friend like this! When she doesn’t pay. One of us will put in the group chat
“sorry x forgot to send that money over from Saturday! Been up the wall. Anyway sent it now. Let me know you have it”

obviously we have paid but it’s the less awkward way than to directly ask the person.