I did a childish thing, but it felt good! AIBU?

[fuckhimintheear]

My partner is, on the whole, a great man. He’s loyal, hardworking and an excellent father. But my God, he’s messy! I do all of the housework (I don’t work) and he does the majority of the cooking and running kids around and also working. So I can’t complain about my lot, he’s valuable and he’s lovely.

However, I’m sick to death of cleaning up his beard trimmings, cleaning up his crumbs, cleaning up the fall out when he’s been ‘in charge’ of the kids and there’s shit everywhere for me to fix. I left him alone with our 16 month old for five minutes yesterday and when I came back DP was oblivious whilst the little one was emptying soil from a plant pot and smushing it in to the the carpet and his own hair. This sort of stuff just doesn’t happen on my watch, but it seems to be ‘not a big deal’ when he’s in control.

I work really hard to give us a nice, clean orderly home. He just doesn’t seem to give a shit? He did get a new car last year though, and expressly told us all that under no circumstances would anyone be eating in the car or making any mess.

I lost my shit with the situation and took five kids down Greggs, bought us all a sausage roll and sat on the drive eating them. The car was filthy afterwards.

Am I a dick?

Are you a dick? No... you're a fucking legend, well played, love that for you.

But who looks after the baby whilst he's working?

Just to say that you mention him cooking, running the kids around in the evenings and working. Meanwhile you do all the housework, in addition to looking after a baby. That is working you know. And it's the hardest of jobs. You need to take more credit for it in your post.

You’re just as childish

It sounds like this incident happened a bitt ago.. I would go for a walk or whatever it is you guys do when having big conversations.... and ask him how he felt and if he understood why you did it.... own what you did... say you were frazzled by his seemingly disregard for the work you do. Would he be happy if you came to his job and messed up his orderly office? Would he let a child pull dirt out of the plant and smash it into a work carpet? When he inevitably says of course I wouldn't... then you ask why he has more respect for the cleaners at work than in the home.... also frame it in a no nonsense way... you can tell him it's just this 1 not so little thing that's driving you mad. Then if he leaves crumbs and hair, and he ignores the conversation, you leave the hair and the crumbs. My husband can be a bit like this and after 30+ years he still leaves things half finished sometimes but I can also see where he is trying to clean the hair or help me with dishes if im having a crappy day. Marriage is never 50/50 on the daily but it generally works out, at least for us. And with my husband I'd approach the conversation with a positive as well, it's just that he responds better. But do talk to him. Conversations no matter how serious or silly are just the most important.. I think

Jfc. What is this shit?

I just read your posts on that thread, OP, and I cannot reconcile the husband you describe here with the partner you describe there.

I would have done same!

I wouldn't call a few Gregg's sausage roll crumbs a "nasty act of revenge"
Now taking a 💩 in his car, whole different level 🤣

YANBU. You are a legend.

Love it! The level of pettiness i aspire to lol. Made me smile :)

Sounds like a trip to a place that sells ice cream cones and everyone gets a double to eat in the car.

Keep repeating until he gets a clue.

I bet that felt great. I once started putting dirty pants and socks left strewn across the bedroom floor back in the drawer with the clean ones. After some time DH confronted me and I had to confess, feebly saying I wasn’t sure if they were clean or dirty as they weren’t in the laundry basket. He was not happy and it didn’t make a jot of difference in the long run, but it gave some puerile satisfaction.

I just posted about cleaning and tidying today.

What I want to know if why doesn’t he seem to care about the house!!?? Please tell me if you know, as my husband is similar.

Maybe he will get your message with the Greggs!

Have you asked him that question. What was the answer?

Next time you are in his car. Have a couple of bags of cheap tortilla chips ready for you and kids to eat.

ALDI doe some good cheapos which are delicious and very moreish.

They all break up into a million pieces and crumbs on hitting a surface
Bobs your Uncle. Complete mess.

Fragment still mysteriously appear months later even after an industrial power vacuum cleaning.

If you are felling really pissed You could go for a dessert with thick chocolate ice cream cones and stick raspberry sauce

And to end fizzy cans or bottles of vimto style blackcurrant drink. Blackcurrant is a very mean colour to clean. Very unprofessional, you unforgiving

Just thought.You could do theseb3 things one by one on separate occasions for maximum effect.

Unfortunately , although your man sounds pretty decent. He is obviously in love with his new car It is his pride and joy and the other women in some respects. A man thing

My father was like that and couldn't sleep if there was something wrong with his car for worrying about it

Drove my mother mad!

Hope this helps.

🙊🙉🙈
🫵🚙🧃🙏
Xxx

My ex husband used to leave toe nail clippings lying around. I told him that if I found them one more time, I would serve them up to him in the next meal I cooked.

I likely would not have, but it was not 100 percent certain, and he believed me, or at least enough to worry about it. He never did it again.

Your husband is doing this deliberately. And so no, he's not a "great man", he's a bit of an arsehole. Just maybe not as much of an arsehole as my ex. Yet.

Just wait till you go back to paid work.

Oh, and nagging is merely the repetition of unpalatable truths. You wouldn't have to nag him if he was a "great man".

I went and read the thread and now am quite confused.

The other thread, about 5 weeks ago, showed the partner as financially and probably mentally/emotionally abusive. He was paying two mortgages on two houses, and the OP paid all the bills out of her money. She wanted to work FT, but, because of the children, she was working PT.

Now, on this thread, she doesn't work? Make it make sense, please?

This.

The most sensible practical and co-operative response I’ve seen.

Non-confrontational, positive, kind, and will reach him in a way that he’ll want to change his behaviour from within, and enjoy doing it, to make you happy.

This is how genuine marriages are built.

Thank you Sparkly Leader.

OP, yanbu to have been driven to doing that but he is a loser.

You are desperate to defend him because you "lurve" him, but the bottom line is that men who love, respect and value what you do, especially with very young children don't behave like this.

But this is your life and it will continue to be like this, for as long as you tolerate it.

Eventually you will mature and you will see it for what it is.
Unfortunately by then your children will have seen the awfully modelling by you both.

You doing it all, a workhorse, him a lazy selfish loser that didn't give a shit and made mummy stressed and sad.

He's a waster who gets a kick out of you running yourself ragged.
But if that is all you feel you deserve.

Take those children out every day for a spin with snacks and lunch, but ultimately it is an awful way to live.

However much you love him today, that will be long gone a decade from now.

Protect yourself financially as best you can, in case you wake up and decide no more.

The answer to your question “How else…?” was posted at 18:11hrs yesterday (23rd October) by SparklyLeader

How to train the man

Wtaf???

Leave and get a job. Your life will be a lot easier.