I did a childish thing, but it felt good! AIBU?

[fuckhimintheear]

My partner is, on the whole, a great man. He’s loyal, hardworking and an excellent father. But my God, he’s messy! I do all of the housework (I don’t work) and he does the majority of the cooking and running kids around and also working. So I can’t complain about my lot, he’s valuable and he’s lovely.

However, I’m sick to death of cleaning up his beard trimmings, cleaning up his crumbs, cleaning up the fall out when he’s been ‘in charge’ of the kids and there’s shit everywhere for me to fix. I left him alone with our 16 month old for five minutes yesterday and when I came back DP was oblivious whilst the little one was emptying soil from a plant pot and smushing it in to the the carpet and his own hair. This sort of stuff just doesn’t happen on my watch, but it seems to be ‘not a big deal’ when he’s in control.

I work really hard to give us a nice, clean orderly home. He just doesn’t seem to give a shit? He did get a new car last year though, and expressly told us all that under no circumstances would anyone be eating in the car or making any mess.

I lost my shit with the situation and took five kids down Greggs, bought us all a sausage roll and sat on the drive eating them. The car was filthy afterwards.

Am I a dick?

I think that you're getting so many supportive responses on here because so many of us women are dealing with this kind of shit regularly. Not worthy of divorcing but still fucking annoying!

We're not worthy OP. Respect! 🙌🏻

Is ‘but it’s not a big deal, it can be cleaned’ is what he normally says to you when he's made a mess or the children have when he's supervising them, is he not then cleaning up the mess - basically saying there's no need to 'nag', he'll get to it? If he's habitually making a mess, excusing it because it 'can be cleaned', and then leaving you to clean, he's really being an arse. (If you're cleaning up after him/them without giving him a reasonable chance to do it, I can perhaps see his point, though.) With the situation of eating the sausage rolls in the car, in his place I'd have expected you to tidy it up afterwards so it was similar to the way you found it.

So was this a year ago?

I think rather than taking petty revenge, I would just expect him to clear up his own mess. Just don't do it, it's not your job to clear up after him! If he calls you a nag, I would just point out that if he cleared up his own mess, you wouldn't have to nag 🤷‍♀️

Very annoying of him OP. You say he's 'great' but he's only great in some ways, isn't he. He's also sloppy and doesn't care that he's making your life difficult.

Sorry ... but I do agree with this. Teaching children to deliberately mess something up does not feel right.

This made me really laugh, it's shit having a partner who's messy and doesn't clean up after themselves.

Hahahaha
This the funniest thing I’ve read for a while 😂

Well done op x

Did you even read the post before commenting?! Also, I think you’re a bit dramatic calling this ‘nasty’ and that they need to split lmao.

@fuckhimintheear well done OP, sometimes actions speak louder than words obviously - and I love the idea of him feebly searching for the vacuum - hope he eventually found it haha

Please explain how you don’t work but your husband does all the cooking and runs the kids around still. Teach me!
I work four days a week, husband 5, earns double what I do. I do everything. 90% of it anyway. And he feels so hard done by all the time cos his job is stressful (mine is too I just cope with it differently).
I want equality! Or for him to do something at least!
(YANBU btw!)

Does he now understand your point @fuckhimintheear ?

Love this! Well done 😀

Poor parenting to let kids deliberately do that.

I love you OP 😂

I think you need to keep a few of the Greggs paper bags, and just wave them at DH like a flag whenever he needs to clean up his mess.

May I suggest purchasing a few bags of sweet popcorn? Just in case you need to take action when Greggs is closed

OP I love you ❤️

This reminds me of a very similar thread ages ago where there the 'D'H used to get up with the young DC in the morning, it was the only thing he did with the kids. He'd let the kids make their own weetabix, then swan off to work leaving the OP with a sea of crumbs and cemented-on cereal strewn across the kitchen. The OP asked him repeatedly to either supervise the children or clean up afterwards, but for whatever reason he wouldn't. So one day, the OP snapped and crushed a couple of weetabix into his briefcase. He didn't do it again

I hope this OP's DH also sees the error of his ways and gets the message.

Genius OP. Just genius.

Yes, it is terrible parenting to let a toddler tip a flowerpot of soil onto the carpet and not immediately clean it up.

Five kids, I’m high five-ing you all the way.

Sometime a person has to experience something in order to relate to the issue.
The sausage rolls seem messy, but probably a harmless way to make your point.

Okay, but next time, tomato soup and red wine.

YABVR
How old are the dcs @fuckhimintheear?

Sounds like you sunk really low OP. You listed loads of positive things about him (rare on mumsnet) then take spiteful petty revenge for a bit of unintentional mess. Perhaps you should try working full-time, while doing all the other things you say he does. I bet you wouldn't be able to be so perfect if you didn't have so much time on your hands.

Was ready to judge - until you got to the part about his car having to be spotless all the time! What a hypocrite your DH is.

OP, I take my hat off to you. Excellent work. YANBU