What age would you let your child do this train by themself?

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She is sensible. I have no concerns about her walking around York alone or with a friend.

We've caught the train loads (to York and elsewhere). But there have never been any real issues other than delays.

She has never caught a train by herself. Over summer we went to a much smaller station (that we go to regularly) and she would have got the wrong train back if I hadnt been there which concerns me.

York is about 1.5hr direct train. Trains back are maybe every 1.5hr and finish quite late.

She wants to go with a boy she has known a few weeks and we've never met. They boy has never been on a train.

I want to get the same train there (sat in a separate carriage), then they can go off and do their thing in York while I do mine and then we catch the same train back (again I'll sit separately to them).

She thinks I shouldnt go. I just want to make sure they get the right train back.

It does, doesn't it? 😁

My son is 15. He's been getting himself to the station and on the train to see friends, of his own volition since he was 13 (paid for with his own money, he's also had a part time job since he was 13).

OP, do not get the train with your daughter. That's ridiculous.

At 15 I'd be happy for her to go with another 15 year old friend from school. Or indeed, on her own. I would not be accompanying them on the train.

I think 15 is fine tbh. She'll be going to university open days and other stuff by herself in a year or so.

She thinks I shouldn't go. I just want to make sure they get the right train back.

And what are you going to do if you see them getting on the wrong train? Jump out from behind a pillar on the platform and drag them off?! Or run over waving "Coooeee Mummy's here!"

Come on OP. This is actually insane.

Right, but she might not be telling the truth - could be a man she met online or anything.

To see that the DD SAYS that's who it is. She might actually be covering for something a lot less suitable.

SD did this from aged 12. Her Mum went with her onto the platform, saw her get on the train at one end, and we met her on the platform at the other end.

To walk around a city with a friend, I'd say 14/15.

She could but if she was doing that then why would she even say she was off to York with him rather than saying going to a friend's house.?

Makes me wonder how my parents coped when I was 15. It was sort of " I'm meeting up with *friend today see u later.. No mobile phones, tracking etc and I really can't imagine my dad taking time off work to follow me, that would be just weird

Well yes but in that case she could have just said she's going with a friend! At the end of the day, teens will lie to go and meet boys anyway (I certainly used to!). You can't control every little thing they do. Certainly not at 15.

It's crazy isn't it?! The amount of monitoring and tracking that goes on is seriously worrying. The article the other day about tracking Uni kids on their iPhones was even worse.

When I was 15 I was allowed to go underage clubbing with my older (but still underage) sibling. Our dad would pick us up at 2am and give us a lift home though.

I agree with PPs that if it was someone dodgy she'd say it was a girl from school or pretend she wasn't getting the train to York. Though if she hasn't got the wit to make up a plausible and comforting lie, maybe she does need her mum to follow her?

The train is fine, many dc take regular trains to see other parents from late primary school age, my dc took the 3 hour intercity to their grandparents at aged 11&12, dropping off on the platform and being picked up on the platform. The boyfriend is the elephant in this room!

Do people really follow their teens on trains? That seems crazy to me. She 15 and it's daytime, going to a place she's familiar with. Either trust them or not. If they get the wrong train, she will learn from it. Talk through the journey with her so she has less of a chance of that happening - look up possible return times, etc.

I guess the most I would do, is take dc to the station , and check she’s meeting who she says she is. Then I’d let them crack on.

This thread is mad. The boy is a friend in her year at school. It is mad for the OP to be on the same train and keeping an eye in case they get on the wrong train home. And the poster who asked ‘what if it rains?’, well they wear their coats, get wet or decide to come home.

I know people say that the amount of adults living at home for years as due to money but the fact that teenagers can’t do really normal activities alone without parents panicking is mad.

I do find it interesting that the OP is clearly okay with her 14 year old at the time having a boyfriend but at 15 she’s not okay with her getting the train. The risk of harm from having an intimate relationship with a boy is far far greater than getting public transport.

This thread is a sad reflection on parenting and clearly spells out why some dc are not great at managing their lives. Parents are forever hovering! It’s awful to read the ludicrous levels of suspicion between adults and dc. Surely meet the boy?! Then let them go. No wonder employers tear their hair out with these teen babies! Let dc experiment and accept they don’t always get it right. But - they learn.

Has she video called the boy to check he is the age he says he is? I would be worried about this . Can she go with a friend the first time she meets him and he brings a friend too? Or he be a gentleman and travel closer to her?
the trains, we have all got on the wrong train I did when teenage but as long as not late at night she’ll be ok

Oh sorry, just seen SHE knows the boy but you don’t. If she knows the boy then of course let her go they’ll have each other for support if they mess up the journey

They are travelling together. He is at school with her

He goes to her school. Maybe she should video call him to get him to hold up his passport though.

I wouldn’t have an issue with this and definitely wouldn’t be going to York as well, never mind on the same train. Following them about is creepy, weird and unnecessary, please don’t. When mine started doing things like this it was more a case of me becoming available if needed, they have phones too so can find out everything they need.

My eldest was 12 when she first took the train to the city, with a mix of boy/girl friends. Middle one never went anywhere that wasn’t necessary so was 19 and starting uni when she started getting the train alone, or at all. Youngest isn’t really yet.

😆

I would definitely not go with her by being in a different carriage. She is 15yr old.

She can sort out any challenges that come up. As long as she has a mobile with her.

This shows that your trust her to be responsible and resilient which are good things for her self esteem.

I wasnt planning on following them around York! 🤣 I was planning on catching the same train (in a different carriage) and having a nice day in York myself.

As it happens, the boy's dad has said no to him going to York at all so it's a moot point now anyway.

And it is fair enough to say our own town has nothing to do.