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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

What age would you let your child do this train by themself?

168 replies

PrivatePrivacy · 21/10/2025 19:12

She is sensible. I have no concerns about her walking around York alone or with a friend.

We've caught the train loads (to York and elsewhere). But there have never been any real issues other than delays.

She has never caught a train by herself. Over summer we went to a much smaller station (that we go to regularly) and she would have got the wrong train back if I hadnt been there which concerns me.

York is about 1.5hr direct train. Trains back are maybe every 1.5hr and finish quite late.

She wants to go with a boy she has known a few weeks and we've never met. They boy has never been on a train.

I want to get the same train there (sat in a separate carriage), then they can go off and do their thing in York while I do mine and then we catch the same train back (again I'll sit separately to them).

She thinks I shouldnt go. I just want to make sure they get the right train back.

OP posts:
Original poster
PrivatePrivacy · 21/10/2025 22:34

Thanks everyone.
She turned 15 last week.

I should have said that the boy is someone from school and they'd be travelling there and back together. She's talked about him before so he's real. He is in her year.

They want to go to York because there is nothing to do by us (fair point) and she really likes York. I think she also likes the idea of the grown upness.

It will be over half term so very busy in York which is why Im OK with them wondering about there. As I say she is sensible with good boundaries and will refuse to go places she doesn't want. Sadly that doesnt mean much really but it does mean I'm not worried about him persuading her to walk down a quiet bit of the river etc.

You've helped me make up my mind though. Ill get the same trains. In fact, I'll do what someone above suggested and let them work it out and Ill just follow them and if they go wrong, let them sort it (with me hovering at a distance).

Thanks!

OP posts:
titchy · 21/10/2025 22:47

So she does know him? In which case why don’t you introduce yourself to him when you see her onto the train and let them have a nice day out? Given you know he’s not a 40 year old bloke grooming her it seems massively over the top to follow them on the train - it’s the sort of thing parents of 8 year olds do when they let their child cross the road by themselves. It’s York by train, not Beirut by camouflaged truck.

HateMyselfToo · 21/10/2025 22:58

I think following them without her knowledge would seriously damage her trust in you. She'll just start withholding information from you.
I think you need to discuss it with her. Only agree to something you're happy with, but stick to whatever you agree.
Do you drive? Can you go and rescue you them from anywhere if they need you?

VikaOlson · 21/10/2025 23:01

I think a 15 year old is fine to take a train to the city with a school friend in half term.
I'd definitely let my 15 year old do that.

OliviaBonas · 21/10/2025 23:04

I’d ask to meet this boy regardless.

Original poster
PrivatePrivacy · 21/10/2025 23:31

HateMyselfToo · 21/10/2025 22:58

I think following them without her knowledge would seriously damage her trust in you. She'll just start withholding information from you.
I think you need to discuss it with her. Only agree to something you're happy with, but stick to whatever you agree.
Do you drive? Can you go and rescue you them from anywhere if they need you?

🤣 I'll tell her. Im not going to hide behind newspapers or bushes around York. I can see how it came across that way though and it made me laugh!

No, Id need to go by train to rescue them or rope a (reluctant) relative in. That's another reason why Im thinking it might be sensible to be in York for her first trip alone?

OP posts:
coxesorangepippin · 21/10/2025 23:43

You need to meet this boy

Cantseetreesforthewood · 22/10/2025 06:22

Seeing the update about it being a kid from school and her age, I'd let her go.

If you are insistent about being in York thst day, what about getting a later train to York, and meeting up with them for the homeward journey? I think exactly the same train both ways would be overkill.

Neurodiversitydoctor · 22/10/2025 06:23

At 15 ( yr 10) ? I'd let them go, assuming they have phones with them.

TheFiveLakes · 22/10/2025 06:58

PrivatePrivacy · 21/10/2025 22:34

Thanks everyone.
She turned 15 last week.

I should have said that the boy is someone from school and they'd be travelling there and back together. She's talked about him before so he's real. He is in her year.

They want to go to York because there is nothing to do by us (fair point) and she really likes York. I think she also likes the idea of the grown upness.

It will be over half term so very busy in York which is why Im OK with them wondering about there. As I say she is sensible with good boundaries and will refuse to go places she doesn't want. Sadly that doesnt mean much really but it does mean I'm not worried about him persuading her to walk down a quiet bit of the river etc.

You've helped me make up my mind though. Ill get the same trains. In fact, I'll do what someone above suggested and let them work it out and Ill just follow them and if they go wrong, let them sort it (with me hovering at a distance).

Thanks!

If he's definitely a boy her age from school, whom she's talked about for a while etc. etc. and she's just turned 15 and they're going during the day then you don't need to go on the same train!

Going on the same train would have made sense if she was 11/12 or if there was concern that the boy wasn't who she thought/ said he was (online/ older).

RubySquid · 22/10/2025 07:00

PrivatePrivacy · 21/10/2025 23:31

🤣 I'll tell her. Im not going to hide behind newspapers or bushes around York. I can see how it came across that way though and it made me laugh!

No, Id need to go by train to rescue them or rope a (reluctant) relative in. That's another reason why Im thinking it might be sensible to be in York for her first trip alone?

Edited
Show quote history

Why do you feel the need to follow her on a train? Seems a bit overkill.

What are you imagining could go so wrong it would be necessary?

Justputsomeyoghurtonit · 22/10/2025 07:01

OP i let DD go to london from our house which is an hour on a fast train from home. She was 15 then. But with a long standing friend and not a boy and also super confident getting the train and the walk from the station to the west end.

I think i would say no to a boy.

RubySquid · 22/10/2025 07:08

Justputsomeyoghurtonit · 22/10/2025 07:01

OP i let DD go to london from our house which is an hour on a fast train from home. She was 15 then. But with a long standing friend and not a boy and also super confident getting the train and the walk from the station to the west end.

I think i would say no to a boy.

Why is the fact it's a boy an issue?! Is she more unsafe strolling round York with him than hanging around locally?

Id have no problem knowing it's an actual physical school friend not someone off the Internet

Justputsomeyoghurtonit · 22/10/2025 07:09

RubySquid · 22/10/2025 07:08

Why is the fact it's a boy an issue?! Is she more unsafe strolling round York with him than hanging around locally?

Id have no problem knowing it's an actual physical school friend not someone off the Internet

Show quote history

OK fair point.

I should have said 'not with a friend she has only known for a short amount of time'.

ThesebeautifulthingsthatIvegot · 22/10/2025 07:14

Cantseetreesforthewood · 22/10/2025 06:22

Seeing the update about it being a kid from school and her age, I'd let her go.

If you are insistent about being in York thst day, what about getting a later train to York, and meeting up with them for the homeward journey? I think exactly the same train both ways would be overkill.

This sounds like a good idea

NerrSnerr · 22/10/2025 07:14

If it was a newer female friend would it have made a difference? I was definitely getting the train a similar distance age 14/15 and that was the days before mobiles.

I wouldn’t have a problem with this, if you want to know him why not meet him before? Could you invite him round?

Ohmygodthepain · 22/10/2025 07:17

My DC were travelling between York and Peterborough regularly from about 12yo to visit their dad.

My concern would be the walk from the station to the city centre as it's not very intuitive. At 15 she could be up to all sorts closer to home, a train ride to a familiar city is fairly safe.

I had my first snog on a train home from Birmingham at 14... Ah....

ethelredonagoodday · 22/10/2025 07:18

My 12 year old son catches the train regularly to school, and earlier in the year did a long train journey with a change in Leeds travelling from grandparents back to home. Despite me having reservations, he was absolutely fine.
I think I’d be less worried about the train and more about the boy. As others have said, how does she know him?

Danikm151 · 22/10/2025 07:18

in your first post I thought she’d be like 12/13.
She’s 15- in a few years she’ll be 18. Let her have the freedom.

Gruffporcupine · 22/10/2025 07:20

I would say age 14 or older would be ok. That said, given she doesn't know the boy, I'd do what you have suggested and just be about in case something goes wrong

Friendlyfart · 22/10/2025 07:21

Maybe 13 for the journey, but I’d be much more concerned about the boy though, I wouldn’t want my DD going off w a random lad I’d never met.

OhDear111 · 22/10/2025 07:22

Hmm. My DC navigated all sorts of cities as teens with a friend. It might surprise people to know there are apps to plot a route! There’s even a phone if they cannot understand a departure board! Let them work it out. Around 13-14 is ok for this. Not primary age. I would expect to meet the boy though!

TheBlueHotel · 22/10/2025 07:24

She's 15! And you haven't taught her how to get herself out of a pickle yet? So what if she gets the wrong train? She'll have to work out getting back to where she needs to go. She's got a phone! When I was her age we had to flip through huge timetables attached to the wall in stations and wait at small stations with no announcements never knowing if the train was delayed or cancelled, just hoping. She's got every tool to be independent and competent, teach her and stop babying her.

Original poster
PrivatePrivacy · 22/10/2025 07:25

I think, as others have said, the boy is new. She has only known him a vaguely for a few weeks and they've never gone anywhere together outside of school so what if he turns out to be a nob?

Until recently she has been dating someone for several months. I would have been ok with her going with him. Although he turned out to have red flags all over the place so my judgement obviously was skewed.

OP posts:
TheBlueHotel · 22/10/2025 07:26

Cantseetreesforthewood · 22/10/2025 06:22

Seeing the update about it being a kid from school and her age, I'd let her go.

If you are insistent about being in York thst day, what about getting a later train to York, and meeting up with them for the homeward journey? I think exactly the same train both ways would be overkill.

Don't do this either. This would mortify her.