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AIBU?

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Original poster

What age would you let your child do this train by themself?

168 replies

PrivatePrivacy · 21/10/2025 19:12

She is sensible. I have no concerns about her walking around York alone or with a friend.

We've caught the train loads (to York and elsewhere). But there have never been any real issues other than delays.

She has never caught a train by herself. Over summer we went to a much smaller station (that we go to regularly) and she would have got the wrong train back if I hadnt been there which concerns me.

York is about 1.5hr direct train. Trains back are maybe every 1.5hr and finish quite late.

She wants to go with a boy she has known a few weeks and we've never met. They boy has never been on a train.

I want to get the same train there (sat in a separate carriage), then they can go off and do their thing in York while I do mine and then we catch the same train back (again I'll sit separately to them).

She thinks I shouldnt go. I just want to make sure they get the right train back.

OP posts:
TheBlueHotel · 22/10/2025 08:42

pizzaHeart · 22/10/2025 08:28

Tbh it sounds a bad plan for the first date. So much could go wrong with trains, it will be half term and going to be very busy, what if it’s rainy.
Why can’t they do something like visiting a shopping centre or a bowling centre or similar or a cinema go around, have food and have fun? you could drop her off and pick her up and they would have enough of time together on their own.

If the teenagers don't mind the risk of busy trains and rain then they are not reasons to not go!

Gloriia · 22/10/2025 08:43

I think 15 is fine to catch a train and go with someone she knows from school.

Just make sure phone is charged and that she's checked train times etc.

Gloriia · 22/10/2025 08:44

Beedeeoh · 22/10/2025 08:39

That's a big drip feed, as she does know him?

Based on your update I wouldn't have a problem with her going at all. In fact I think insisting on accompanying them on the same train at their ages is really mortifying.

Yes most definitely mortifying and unnecessary. At 12 yes, not 15.

QuickPeachPoet · 22/10/2025 08:49

Unless she is neurodiverse, why isn't she capable of following a train timetable and getting on the right train? There are boards in the station, information on Trainline.

Seeline · 22/10/2025 08:53

She's 15!!

Show how to work Google maps and one of the train apps and let her get in with it. The apps even tell you which platform you need.

If they get the wrong train, they get off at the first stop and go back again.

There's usually staff in the platform to check it's the correct train, and other passengers usually pretty helpful.

Fully charged phone and a power pack and tell her to have a lovely day.

Starlight1984 · 22/10/2025 08:55

Glowingup · 22/10/2025 08:16

It’s someone in her year at school ffs. 18 - what a joke. People live independently at 18.

Show quote history

Brilliant isn't it. I was travelling on another continent on my own at 18. DH was in the army 😂

Elsvieta · 22/10/2025 08:57

I'd let her go on the train alone or with female friends at 15, but wouldn't let her go anywhere (or be alone anywhere) with the boy before meeting him. It could be he's an adult - you can't be certain. Tell her to bring him for lunch or something first.

titchy · 22/10/2025 08:59

Elsvieta · 22/10/2025 08:57

I'd let her go on the train alone or with female friends at 15, but wouldn't let her go anywhere (or be alone anywhere) with the boy before meeting him. It could be he's an adult - you can't be certain. Tell her to bring him for lunch or something first.

All you needed to do was read OP’s posts to see that they’re at school together 🤦‍♀️

Starlight1984 · 22/10/2025 09:03

You've helped me make up my mind though. Ill get the same trains. In fact, I'll do what someone above suggested and let them work it out and Ill just follow them and if they go wrong, let them sort it (with me hovering at a distance).

Fucking hell. I would have been absolutely mortified if my mum had done this.

Starlight1984 · 22/10/2025 09:04

Elsvieta · 22/10/2025 08:57

I'd let her go on the train alone or with female friends at 15, but wouldn't let her go anywhere (or be alone anywhere) with the boy before meeting him. It could be he's an adult - you can't be certain. Tell her to bring him for lunch or something first.

She's already said he's a boy from school?!?!

Starlight1984 · 22/10/2025 09:05

So much could go wrong with trains, it will be half term and going to be very busy, what if it’s rainy.

😂Oh god this thread just gets better and better.

BeeKee · 22/10/2025 09:06

I would say 12/13y should be fine.

I went to London at 14 during the summer holidays and stayed with a friend. We travelled all over London on the trains and did so much (when under 16s were free).

We do not give our children enough freedom to learn to make mistakes at a young age.

TheBlueHotel · 22/10/2025 09:08

Elsvieta · 22/10/2025 08:57

I'd let her go on the train alone or with female friends at 15, but wouldn't let her go anywhere (or be alone anywhere) with the boy before meeting him. It could be he's an adult - you can't be certain. Tell her to bring him for lunch or something first.

She does know the boy!!

Silverbirchleaf · 22/10/2025 09:08

At 15, I would let them get the train. Its a direct train and There’s no changes. If they mess up on the way home, it’s a learning curve.They’ll have phones they can phone you, or look at trainline etc.

Many kids routinely catch trains from the age of 11 to school.

I guess my main concern is that she doesn’t know the lad well, but he is from school (and are you sure she’s meeting him, and not someone else).

pinotnow · 22/10/2025 09:16

Some of these replies and the idea in the OP - wow! It might be raining, it might be busy, why go to York anyway?! Why wander round a city? Um, because it's nice and full of shops and other attractions. Meet up with them for the return journey - cringe! And why? Surely if he is a bit of a nob she is much safer in a public place than if they were in each other's houses. If he annoys her on the train in some way is she supposed to summon you so you can come sweeping down the carriages to wallop him with your handbag? Come on, this isn't the way to be helping her transition into adulthood.

Please just leave them alone to enjoy the day. The idea of you following them is just weird and may not even help. If they look like they might catch the wrong train how long are you going to leave it before swooping in and redirecting them? That would be so humiliating, whereas if they did go wrong, sorting that out independently would be a useful life lesson and/or funny memory. This is not the way to treat young people to empower them and build confidence.

Starlight1984 · 22/10/2025 09:18

pinotnow · 22/10/2025 09:16

Some of these replies and the idea in the OP - wow! It might be raining, it might be busy, why go to York anyway?! Why wander round a city? Um, because it's nice and full of shops and other attractions. Meet up with them for the return journey - cringe! And why? Surely if he is a bit of a nob she is much safer in a public place than if they were in each other's houses. If he annoys her on the train in some way is she supposed to summon you so you can come sweeping down the carriages to wallop him with your handbag? Come on, this isn't the way to be helping her transition into adulthood.

Please just leave them alone to enjoy the day. The idea of you following them is just weird and may not even help. If they look like they might catch the wrong train how long are you going to leave it before swooping in and redirecting them? That would be so humiliating, whereas if they did go wrong, sorting that out independently would be a useful life lesson and/or funny memory. This is not the way to treat young people to empower them and build confidence.

All of what @pinotnow has said. Op please leave your daughter to enjoy her day out without being embarrassed by you lurking in the background.

HonoriaBulstrode · 22/10/2025 09:21

what if it’s rainy.

They'll get wet? Good grief.

I assume even a 15 yo is capable of finding a shop or cafe or library to take shelter in if they can't stand a bit of rain.

Starlight1984 · 22/10/2025 09:30

HonoriaBulstrode · 22/10/2025 09:21

what if it’s rainy.

They'll get wet? Good grief.

I assume even a 15 yo is capable of finding a shop or cafe or library to take shelter in if they can't stand a bit of rain.

Well they won't because the OP will be there with her umbrella ready to stop her DD getting wet!

EarthlyNightshade · 22/10/2025 09:43

If you really want to go then I suggest you say to your DD that you quite fancy some time in York, that you might head there after them, then you could arrange to meet in York station and have a cup of tea<insert beverage of choice> together (meet the boy) and head back on the same train, not sitting with them. I wouldn't do any covert spying.

If it's rainy though, I have no suggestions for that.

BarnacleBeasley · 22/10/2025 09:50

I grew up in a shit town with nothing to do, and was allowed to get the train to London (1.5ish hours) with my friends from 14. Based on the other things we did at that age (hanging round our own shit town, and at other people's houses), I would think a day trip to a city would probably be safer if the boy from school turns out to be a knob, as they'll be in busy places with lots of people, and not in someone's bedroom or round the back of a leisure centre or similar.

TheatreTraveller · 22/10/2025 09:59

I'm a very anxious worrier and seriously risk averse but some of these replies are absolutely nuts!

She's 15 and going with a school friend from the same year!

I'd have said about 13 would be fine, the suggestions of 17+ is seriously worrying, why you'd want to make your children so dependent and incapable is beyond me.

Getting on the same train and following them at those ages is absolutely bonkers unless there's a huge drip feed about additional needs.

Seeline · 22/10/2025 10:04

And if things go wrong - guess what - they cope!

My Dd must have been about 13/14 when she missed her station and ended up at Gatwick. She phoned me, and I said she was a bit daft, and she better get the next train back. she did.

She also managed to be in the wrong section of one of those trains that splits into two part way along the journey and ended up in the wrong place. She rang, we googled and she took the next train to get her back on track.

It's good for them!

RubySquid · 22/10/2025 10:08

TenGreatFatSquirrels · 22/10/2025 08:07

16 to get the train. That’s how long it takes to get to York from London!

18 to meet a boy she doesn’t know… stranger danger hello??

He's a schoolmate not a random off the Internet

Natsku · 22/10/2025 10:13

Now that we know its a boy from her school rather than some stranger she met online then of course it's fine, she's not a small child. DD has been taking the train to our nearest city (hour away) by herself since 13, but would have been fine with it from younger too (like 11)

HonoriaBulstrode · 22/10/2025 10:15

And if things go wrong - guess what - they cope!

Threads like this always remind me of the journey my mother did aged 15 when the train she was on didn't stop at the station where she was supposed to change. Just like the song, she was taken on to Crewe. It was wartime and no-one had a phone.

She coped.