What age would you let your child do this train by themself?

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She is sensible. I have no concerns about her walking around York alone or with a friend.

We've caught the train loads (to York and elsewhere). But there have never been any real issues other than delays.

She has never caught a train by herself. Over summer we went to a much smaller station (that we go to regularly) and she would have got the wrong train back if I hadnt been there which concerns me.

York is about 1.5hr direct train. Trains back are maybe every 1.5hr and finish quite late.

She wants to go with a boy she has known a few weeks and we've never met. They boy has never been on a train.

I want to get the same train there (sat in a separate carriage), then they can go off and do their thing in York while I do mine and then we catch the same train back (again I'll sit separately to them).

She thinks I shouldnt go. I just want to make sure they get the right train back.

If he turns out to be a knob then she gets the train back home. If they stick to public places (and why wouldn't they) then she will be fine. Are you worried he might attack her?!

I think 15 is old enough but since the boy isn’t a good friend, telling them that you are also planning a trip to York and want to be on the same trains in case theres a problem, is reasonable.

You're going to take a 1.5 hour journey each way to distantly accompany your DD on a first date?! OP, this sounds ridiculous. I wouldn't even entertain it.

Tell her to make arrangements to see him out of school locally first. If that's going well I would then allow them to travel to York alone. Who cares if they miss a train/get on the wrong train...they are young and don't care.

What we think is a moot point, as you know your daughter.

Mine would be different ages for each of my children. No hard and fast rule.

I was going to say 14+ (13+ if it was a group with friends). 15 with a boy from school sounds fine. If he is a nob, she can call you and get the train back alone.

With all due respect that’s one of the most ridiculous suggestions I’ve heard. Now you’ve confirmed he’s a boy from school just let them get on with it. She’s in year 10. You travelling to keep an eye on them is totally ridiculous, they’ll be on a busy train and in a busy city. She presumably has a phone and google maps and you can track her. That’s ample

I’d have been more than okay to do this at age 12/13 but I used to travel internationally on my own at that age and first flew unaccompanied when I was 10 (with someone taking me to the airport gate and being met the other side but still). I know kids these days are less independent but I think 15 is more than old enough for this and no way would I waste my day hiding on a train in case these teens can’t work out which one to catch.
It’s amazing how different things are these days compared to 25-30 years ago.

Don’t follow them! Terrible idea.

Either say yes or no. I would probably say no since it’s with someone she doesn’t know well.

Don’t understand why you’re believing the ‘there’s nothing to do closer to home’ rubbish.

Regarding train age secondary school age if the DC is confident and wants to do it.

If he’s a knob she gets the train back home 🤷‍♀️ If she or they get the wrong train, they get off at the next stop and get the train back to York. Assuming no SN? That they have phones. With internet. Speech, so they can ask someone which platform the train to x is? The ability to read a departure board and note they’ve just missed the train and will have to hang around the (safe, with plenty of snack places) station for an hour?

My sister did the exact same thing with her son, and funnily enough, that was to York, too. She made no contact with him throughout, but was there for the train and travel part of the 'date'. He did well and managed everything fine by himself, but if he texted her, she'd have been there to help out.

It definitely gave them both confidence.

11

But in this scenario they aren’t going by themselves, and that would concern me more.

I did this method with my DS on the buses, sat well away from him so I was there if something went wrong, but not taking any notice of him otherwise. I didn't intend to do it for long because I knew he was perfectly capable but he lacks confidence in life. It worked well.

But your DD will be different. I was thinking Y7 so age 11/12 if with a group of friends and a bit older (having had practice) for solo trips. By 15 I would be letting her get on with it and not going as well, even in a separate carriage. They will manage just fine if she's reasonably sensible. As long as her phone is charged so she can contact you if she needs to, I can't see any problems.

16 to get the train. That’s how long it takes to get to York from London!

18 to meet a boy she doesn’t know… stranger danger hello??

If she’s sensible I would have the find my phone app on. Check times etc beforehand so she’s knows where she’s going. Keep and eye on delays. Then track her. She can call you if any issues?

It's not so much age but prior experience or lack of, temperament/ competence of child and whether she really knows this 'boy'.

I can't see the point of you being on the train, but not with them when they get there, though. If something goes wrong or she needs help, she can call you and you talk her through it.

I suppose my girls were around 15 / 16 when they started going out to meet people they had met from the internet or were people their friends knew, but they didn't. We live in London and they were usually meeting within London. I'd quiz them on the details and remind them how to stay safe. One became friendly with two girls (separately) in other towns and we took her to meet the friends a few times, and met their parents briefly - then stayed around to collect her later. Neither had actual boyfriends though till over 16.

Why can you not meet him? She’s obviously a dd who wants a boyfriend and that’s not worrying you. How old is she?

Why you think they are unsafe in York is a bit mystifying. If he’s not a good lad, she could have an issue with him in your house if you aren’t there! A public place is better. I’d let them go and I’d not follow them. When the boyfriend gets a car - that’s the time to worry!

Your daughter is right, she should go with her friend and you should stay at home.

It’s someone in her year at school ffs. 18 - what a joke. People live independently at 18.

@TenGreatFatSquirrels She’s known him for several weeks! He’s not a stranger. She’s not travelling to meet him. She wants to go with the boy! Why cannot dc be trusted? There is no stranger involved but DD should introduce op to the boy.

My DDs both travelled to South Africa and changed planes at 13. We need to empower young people. Yes, these teens could miss a train or even get on the wrong train! So what? Problem solve and sort it out. They aren’t children.

Tbh it sounds a bad plan for the first date. So much could go wrong with trains, it will be half term and going to be very busy, what if it’s rainy.
Why can’t they do something like visiting a shopping centre or a bowling centre or similar or a cinema go around, have food and have fun? you could drop her off and pick her up and they would have enough of time together on their own.

Why would you say no though? She's 15, he's a friend from school. What are you worried might happen? Of course there are a number of things that could go wrong but it's not our job as parents to protect our teenagers from every possible dilemma or crisis. They need to experience some adversity to learn how to deal with it!

What will you do for the day? Treat yourself ☕️🧁

What a lovely mum you are😊

That's a big drip feed, as she does know him?

Based on your update I wouldn't have a problem with her going at all. In fact I think insisting on accompanying them on the same train at their ages is really mortifying.

How on earth do you expect your kids to become competent adults if you restrict them this way? 21st century parenting is mad.