Mortgage free but DH wont let me give up work

[ChristmasSpirit99]

Hi all,
Just looking for advice. We are very fortunate to recently become mortgage free, due to a mix of my husbands savings, stocks & wage. We both work full time & are older parents… we have 2.5 & 3.5 year olds who are at nursery. Im generally shattered working full time & looking after kids when we have them, I asked my husband if I could give up work as we dont really need my salary. He got extremely annoyed & said absolutely not, the spare cash is needed for major works on the house & the kids futures. It was only due to his hard work that we’re here. Im just annoyed & disappointed, what do you think? Is he right? Xx

Yeah of course but cooking and cleaning for one person is a whole different level to a family with kids (in my experience). I know for example that when I was in my 20s I went out for dinner lots and didn’t cook that healthily- I had to change that when I had kids.

My point is both men and women need to change when they have kids and step up if they are both working. It shouldn’t fall to the woman because ‘men can’t change’ like one poster is suggesting.

It's not really any different cooking for 1 child plus an adult . Many people don't cook healthily ( another thread on here) kids or not

Hmm maybe it’s just me then. My life pre and post kids kind of looks a lot different…..!

And by saying it doesn’t we are still perpetuating the narrative that men don’t need to step up.

I’m not talking about just the amount of cooking and cleaning for a family but the childcare and everything else that comes with running a home with two young kids versus a single person..with no kids.

I'm in 2 minds here. As someone who became a single mum when LO was a baby, I'm glad I had my career as X has made sure to financially screw me over in every way possible. It's a delight to not need his money.
However, in many ways it's cheaper to have someone not working in the house if they're prepared to take on 'the house'. There is a cost to work (commuting, clothes, lunches etc) and if you have time to cook from scratch, not pay for childcare, cheaper activities with kids as you're not always trying to create 'quality time' or doing everything in peak hours, then life is cheaper. Plus things like laundry, hanging washing out, batch cooking etc save plenty of money.
That said, I'm now playing catch up with my pension and although I'm lucky enough to be able to overpay, I lost years' worth during maternity leave and the part time years

What about a temporary break? How would savings on pre-school care equate with your lost salary? If he hasn't stepped up on the child care front so far, he's not likely to in the future particularly if he's noticed you are exhausted.

I think pension prospects is a lot to do with the dilemma. You are a single mum and I applaud that, as life must be very difficult. Being left alone to struggle, have you been able to save for a pension? The OP is not young, and to give up work is a big step unless she has made enough contributions for the state pension and enough for a private pension.

Didn’t you get 50% of your exh’s pension or the equivalent in cash or goods when you divorced

Curious as to why you're asking
He's self employed and didn't have a pension. Preferred to hide his income in cash and burn through it.
I had some very tight years after we separated - he did nicely out of the settlement and I'm now in a much better position.

People seem to be forgetting here that this success is also due to OP’s own career sacrifices in taking on low paid work and doing the lion’s share of child rearing.

She said that she does the lion's share of the kids' stuff. She didn't say anything about having made career sacrifices to facilitate his career, so that's a pretty big assumption that you've made there.