Aibu to try and overturn my son’s permanent exclusion

[ThatRealBlueQuoter]

So this year me and my 5 children have moved from Birmingham to another town due to domestic violence got my children into school my 15 ds has been through a lot with my ex husband one of the main ones been strangled until he passed and and cracked his head open on a table this I feel is relevant to the permanent exclusion my son has received from the school.On the day my son got permanently excluded him and another lad had been messing about in class as a “joke” this boy has pulled out the chair from under my ds making him fall and bang his head my son has then got up and punched the boy four times in the face,I’m in no way dismissing this behaviour he no’s he done wrong and is very ashamed he told the teacher been hit on the head is a trigger for him he knows he shouldn’t of reacted like that,I went to a meeting after a 5 day exclusion with my son to try and plead his case the headteacher wouldn’t budge and handed me the permanent exclusion letter she basically said my ds is to much of a risk ,I found her to be very dismissive and not understanding at all is this worth appealing?the student who done this to my son received a punishment but I wasn’t allowed to be told what it is,I know he is still attending the school my son will now have to go to a behaviour centre my argument is really that shouldn’t the school at least have offered help anger management etc he only has 9 months left before he leaves it is the first time he has actually enjoyed school now the school are trying to get me to sign a letter and they are saying if I do the permanent exclusion won’t go on my sons record?Im in no way condoning what my son has done,can anyone offer advice

I don't agree that it was deliberate and premeditated. The OP herself said the lad and her son were messing about together throughout the lesson. Sounds to me like the lad pulled the chair out as part of this messing about. It was stupid and dangerous and he definitely deserves to be punished for it. He did not deserve to be punched 4 times in the head.

I feel like I've wandered into an alternate reality. So many posters seem to completely ignore the OP's own words and have zero understanding of what 2 teen boys messing about is like. Also, so many seem to have no idea of what the word premeditated means.

If I was in that class as a 15 year old girl I would be far more scared of the teen boy who lost his shit so severely that he punched someone 4 times in the head than the idiot who thought it was okay to pull a chair out on the boy he was messing around with.

Exclusions are at an all time high and I think we need to come up with a better solution that involves a great deal of empathy and forward thinking.
Exclusions can easily lead to non-attendance, which can lead to future crime, no employment and a further impact on society.
I think safer school officers are a good idea and certainly clear behaviour policies/prevention. At my son’s school there have been 3 exclusions before Year 2. I looked at the behaviour policy recently. The strategies outlined on there are not followed or even used.
I also think teaching has changed - a lot - over the past 20 years. Years ago as a teacher, I was far more accountable for the behaviour in my class - now the ‘blame’ has shifted onto the children. I don’t think children have actually changed that much, but the way adults diagnose and deal with behaviour certainly has. I can’t remember one exclusion taking place in the school I worked in - over a six year period - despite being in an area of high need.

@ThatRealBlueQuoter Please scrutinise your son’s school behaviour policy before the meeting and look for any instances where policy was not followed. I would also try and find someone to advocate in the meeting with you. Governors/school = school’s best interests. Local Authority = local authority best interests. You/plus I’d definitely look for an advocate who knows the law = your child’s best interests. Don’t be ‘outnumbered’ in the meeting.

No chance on appeal.

And your son hasn't been 'written off'. He's been deemed a risk to himself and others. Punching someone four times in the face because they pull your chair away is an unusually (and criminal) extreme response. The school have probably gone down the line that this is the 'honeymoon period' as he's not been there long and so they'd expect to see behaviour deteriorating from this point forward. I think they've probably come to the conclusion that there isn't any room for further deterioration. This is almost certainly linked to a risk assessment (severity x likelihood) and your son (serious assault x very probably going to happen again) is therefore being risk assessed as unsuitable for their setting. They can't offer support they don't have.

@ByMintOtter what a vile thing to say about a child. Yes, children who have witnessed and been victim of violence to struggle to regulate themselves and may be violent if they have had no support. He isn't 'just like his father' -- he is a victim of cruelty and abuse who clearly needs more support.

Maybe I don’t know from what I have been told it’s just somewhere to throw the children who no one wants to deal with my son is worth so much more he messed up he knows and realises this I’m not justifying his actions believe me but surely some support and a chance ? Or maybe I’m not seeing clearly as this is my son

No exclusion for him his father is a local mp

How would you feel if he was punched four times?! Schools have to keep all students safe, not just your son.

He is nothing like his father who was a cruel,nasty and violent person who used his position as a piller of the community to brainwash his wife and children verbally abuse them daily beat them daily and deny them of the most simple things

PRU/alternative provision isn't just where they throw the kids no one wants. Unfortunately by punching someone four times in the face your son has found himself in the permanent exclusion part of education. The local authority have to provide him with an education after the 6th day, that's a statutory requirement. Again, unfortunately, his trauma needs etc don't come into this part of the process. You need to contact the school and local authority urgently to be talked through where he is in this process. He's year 11, you need to know what the plan is and help him work through that plan. You're not going to change the schools policy. He's hit someone, therefore that = permanent exclusion. What's happening with the other boy doesn't come into this policy, they don't have to tell you what they are doing with regard to the other child.
I'm a fair access officer. Please ring the local authority and ask them to talk you through this process (local authorities are under pressure all the time to lower permanent exclusion rates) if there is another route then they will tell you about it.

Yes I have a panel meeting November the 10th they want me to go to the school today to sign a form to say I agree not to let him go to the school again I was told this won’t then show on his file when it’s comes to college etc but that doesn’t make sense

Thank you for your advice and pru surly depends on what area etc it is ?

There’s NO WAY he should be in a mainstream school. If my child came home after being violently assaulted I would expect the abuser to be excluded and I would want criminal charges brought against them.
You’re new to the school, so they have no way of knowing if this was entirely out of character or par for the course with your child.
He’ll be better off being managed by adults who are used to this behaviour and can support his needs.

Thank you for your information the school want me to sign a letter to agree that I won’t allow my child back at the school and that if I comply it won’t go on his record ?

@ThatRealBlueQuoter can you confirm whether the incident was treated as fixed term suspension first (you mention having a meeting after 5 days, re-integration meeting?) and then you were told DS was permanently excluded at that meeting?

No exclusion because he pulled a chair out. Which isn’t the same as 4 punches… your son clearly LOST it.
if the positions had been reversed your son would still be in school with punishments proportionally to his behaviour and the other kid would be excluded.
Stop making excuses for your son’s violence. You aren’t helping him.

Yes 5 day exclusion then the meeting in which the headteacher gave me the letter of his permanent exclusion

I’m not making excuses just stating facts of course it’s not acceptable to hit anyone I have been very clear on that

He didn’t just pull the chair out my son hit his head hard up the wall enough for a lump to form in his head

Which will make F all difference for The Governors (if this is true)
I appreciate that there was mitigation OP but your son could possibly be prosecuted for assault which would REALLY mess up his future
Work with the school and see what solutions they can offer, I am only speaking to the school where I am Governor but genrally speaking we don't just wash our hands of DC that have been PX'd

Yes it’s true and thank you

If he's permanently excluded, he cannot go back and so this letter they want you to sign is irrelevant nonsense. I've never heard of such a thing.

@ThatRealBlueQuoter in that meeting after the 5 day suspension (not exclusion, the different words are very important) did they say further information had come to light on that incident (and only that incident) and therefore DS was now permanently excluded?

I think like most people who have answered your poll by a significant majority that you would not be for the best having your son’s expulsion overturned.

I have enormous respect for what you have done getting your children out of a domestic abuse situation. I have tonnes of empathy for your son having had such horrible things happen to him but I do not think that through the trauma he has experienced that his emotional regulation skills means a standard school is best placed to support him and that he will present a risk to other students for reasons that are beyond his level of coping at this stage.

He needs a combination of firm but appropriate to his experiences boundaries in school and a tonne of empathy and people who are experienced in giving students a much higher level of care than a standard school. Find out about a specialist unit that does not write children off but gives them the type of input their nervous system requires because of their context and background.

My son has AN and as parents we are faced with these unpleasant realities that sometimes the default system does not fit our child, for different reasons I feel you are in a similar situation.

Best of luck.

Thank you

@Plugsocketrocket the upcoming panel meeting should be deciding whether the PEX is lawful, it is possible the school haven't followed policy (no matter whether the incident should have resulted in a permanent exclusion)