Fed up of ‘sexual’ dynamic between DP and my friend

[Georgiamayy]

One of my friends is very sex positive and not at all backwards when it comes to discussing things.

There have been countless examples where she has been drinking around DP and I’ve found the conversation a tad inappropriate. DP isn’t someone who I’d describe as overly forthcoming usually but around her he happily talks about sexual things.

I feel like last night crossed a line though. We were out as part of a wider group and my friend drunkenly blurted out how I should give ‘X’ a go. X being a sexual act which I’ve previously told DP I’m not interested in. She was really persistent about it, and when I spoke to DP he admitted they’d had a conversation and it had come up.

Im not sure who I should be more annoyed with, and if I just need to lay down the law now?

I couldn’t continue seeing either of them. I have no problem saying my tastes are quite vanilla and this would be a massive turn off for me. And she sounds too crass to be a friend of mine. Never even mind that he’s discussing you in a sexual context with others.

😀I loved nighty night Julia davis is a genuis

Tell your DH to stop talking to people about your sex life.

If you value this friendship (I wouldn't) tell her to stfu.

If you don't value the friendship don't meet up with her anymore.

They both need to grow up. The I'm so edgy sex talk needs to stop. I'm embarrassed for them.

I really really wouldn’t be sure about that.
Regardless, she sounds gross and he sounds disloyal.

I knew it would be bumhole related

OP there are nicer men out there who will love and respect you and not go whining to other people about you not wanting to F them up the ass. Promise.

Also she is not your friend.

Put them both in the bin - along with any chat about pegging! 👌🏻

this 💯

YANBU OP I would tell your friend- thanks, but I don’t need sex education. Then change the subject. Repeat like a broken record.

Same for your DP. If it was my DP I would tell him either stop talking about our sex life.

Some 'sex positive' people have the most negative, vile attitudes to other peoples enjoyment of sex. If they want it or enjoy it then they think that need should be fulfilled, who cares whether the other person wants to.

And trying to act the 'cool girl' and shame you into it by saying it in front of your husband is absolutely vile.

Does this woman have daughters?

Your DP is completely out of order too, was he aware that the 'friend' was going to bring it up to you?

This why we need the laugh reaction 😁

Completely agree!

I would be horrified if DH told one of my friends something I wasn’t interested in in bed. And then he used it against me in a manipulative way.

They both sound awful

Shit stirrer with a peg literally 🤣

Both of them.

I would tell your ‘friend’ that your sex life is none of her business, it was wildly inappropriate to say what she said and in a public environment, and you really don’t appreciate it.

And tell your DP to grow up, show some respect, stop giving himself a frisson by discussing his fantasies with your lesbian friend and if he ever EVER breathes a word about your sex life to anyone ever again he won’t have a sex life. Or the body parts to have one with.

I would be incandescent. Where’s your anger?

Sounds like one of those friends who just gets drunk, then acts and speaks inappropriately, but people give her a pass because she just ‘says it how it is’. I’d really give her a wide berth. People like this are just attention seekers who are best ignored.

Your friend knows a lot about pegging and men's sexuality for a lesbian Op. She's not being a good friend and he's being a very poor DH, tell the pair of them that a marriage and your sex life is supposed to be between two people, not a topic for anyone whose passing

I imagine he has some fantasy where he turns her straight 🙄. Or maybe something to do with you two of you. There's something not right here. He's moaning to your friend that you won't do pegging. Its crossing all sorts of lines.

I imagine he has some fantasy where he turns her straight 🙄. Or maybe something to do with you two of you. There's something not right here. He's moaning to your friend that you won't do pegging. Its crossing all sorts of lines.

She sounds like a dog in a manger.

….and vulgar…..and pathetically attention seeking. Bleurrgh.

There’s being open about sex and then there’s just being inappropriate.

Is she your friend or DH’s?

I would text her and tell her that it was completely inappropriate for her to bring up sex and what you and DH do or don’t do is none of her business and you’re going to need some space from her.

Your DH shouldn’t have spoke to her about it but honestly she sounds awful and I wouldn’t want to be friends with someone like this.

Who does she think she is!

I tend to think people who show off about their sex lives, sexual adventurousness and suchlike are insecure. With men, they're trying to boost their 'masculinity'. Women, as a PP says, are performing a 'pick-me'. They feel the only interesting thing about them is the holes in their body, so they have to tell everyone what they do with them. It's a million miles from quiet confidence, isn't it.

So your friend's a bit of a sad sack and an embarrassment. Your DP, though? Giving other people details of your sexual activities is already a huge loyalty fail, not to mention cheesy and desperate. Doing it behind your back's a betrayal.

Your friend overstepped again by urging you to do a sex act you've already said no to. It's none of her business, obviously, and a friend doesn't make it her business. But if she hadn't said anything to you, you still wouldn't know you're with a man who goes around telling people he's dissatisfied with your sex life and is desperate to be shagged up the arse!

What to do about this depends heavily on your circumstances and the general tone of your relationship. I'd certainly be reading him a big riot act and making discretion non-negotiable from here on. And I sure as hell wouldn't be pegging him.

He needs pulling up about it, but I think you might consider cutting them both loose.

Neither can be trusted anymore.

Sometimes men feel they have to be nice to/get on with their partners' friends (women might too, but often seem better with boundaries, for many reasons), and are scared to tell them where to go when they're totally inappropriate. In a similar situation (this was a "friend" touching my boyfriend's bum) I asked how he'd feel if I was too close to his friends. He admitted he wouldn't like it and that he was wrong. I gave him that one chance, and he was fine after that (we broke up because of something completely different, but got to be honest that he was fine that way).
For me, I'd do this with the pair of them, say clearly you're not ok with x, and if they bring it up again/speak to each other about private stuff, then they don't respect you, and if either one goes against something you've been clear you're uncomfortable with, tell them where to go.

There are always exceptions to every rule and it doesn’t mean that she wouldn’t shagging whether she was into him or not just Lord over you

Ah. She's an 'old friend'.

Old friends are not always good friends. And sometimes they're really no longer friends at all.