Fed up of ‘sexual’ dynamic between DP and my friend

[Georgiamayy]

One of my friends is very sex positive and not at all backwards when it comes to discussing things.

There have been countless examples where she has been drinking around DP and I’ve found the conversation a tad inappropriate. DP isn’t someone who I’d describe as overly forthcoming usually but around her he happily talks about sexual things.

I feel like last night crossed a line though. We were out as part of a wider group and my friend drunkenly blurted out how I should give ‘X’ a go. X being a sexual act which I’ve previously told DP I’m not interested in. She was really persistent about it, and when I spoke to DP he admitted they’d had a conversation and it had come up.

Im not sure who I should be more annoyed with, and if I just need to lay down the law now?

Maybe reconsider your position on that in light of recent developments?

Sex positive my arse. A pathetic, desperate conniving snake in the grass. Get rid of her and tell him that if he ever discusses your sex life with anyone again you will get rid of him too.

This

She sounds more sex pest than sex positive tbh

I'd be fuming at DP for discussing our sex life. How would he like it if you discussed with his friends the finer details of his performance that you may not like?

I would distance myself from this 'friend' and make it clear her opinion on my relationship is not wanted and the reason for the distance.

is ‘sex positive’ the new term for having no class or respect around you and your partner ?

Bin her. Ghost her. Block her.

I bet she's one of these insufferable women who just can't help it that she gets on better with men. 🙄

agree not ideal friend

She is not your friend and she's not sex positive, she just talks about it in detail publicly, so crude and vulgar.

She was telling you to perform a sex act you had refused. That's the opposite of sex positive. She doesn't accept how you enjoy sex.

She's really giving the vibe of she wants your partner.

You don't enjoy her company, stop seeing her. Anyone who tells you you should have sex in ways you don't want, they don't have your best interests in mind.

Are you saying your DP has asked you to peg him and you’re not interested?

And he’s told your lesbian friend who has blurted out at a group gathering that you should do it?

I feel like I live in a parallel dimension to people these days

She's not a friend, OP. She's a conniving shit stirrer.

Regardless. I think she’s getting some kind of thrill from this. I wouldn’t be so sure that she wouldn’t. Especially as it all sounds so forbidden between them.

plenty of straight people have a bit of a dalliance with someone the same sex once in their life and yet would say they’re straight. No reason it couldn’t go the other way.

id be reading the riot act to your boyfriend and say it’s inappropriate

You lost me at "sex positive". Friend or not, you have major problems if your DP is discussing your sex life with another woman. Massively inappropriate imo.

Regardless if your friend is straight or gay, she isn't much of a friend, if she's trying to pressurise you into doing a sexual act you're not comfortable with. In her drunken ramblings, she's inadvertently dropped your partner in the shit, because now you know he's been discussing your sex life with her. Talking about sex to all in sundry, isn't what I'd call 'sex positive', I'd call it 'attention seeking' behaviour. I'm open minded when it comes to sex, but I don't discuss it with everyone and I definitely wouldn't with my friend's partner! It's inappropriate and yes, it's over-stepping boundaries. I would be stepping back from this friendship and you need a frank conversation with your partner, because he needs to learn boundaries.

Yeah, luckily it was not said in earshot of others. But they’d obviously discussed it in detail as she even suggested something we could order and said she’d told my DP how to make sure he’d be clean..

DP says he finds her quite intimidating as she’s so forthcoming and also thinks that because she isn’t straight then it’s not bad as ‘I know he’ll never go there’

How old are you all? This sounds very immature. But I would be mostly angry at your DH . Its very disrespectful to you too talk in such detail about your sex life. Or pressure you to do something you have previously said you would not. Making you feel guilty or mean for not doing it is awful on so many levels .

Attention seeking using the shock factor

Until the day she is.

We are all in our mid 30’s

Ew disgusting!

Sounds like she fancies him and wants to show him how adventurous in the bedroom she is.

I would be very upset if my DP was engaging in the conversation too.

Most “sex positive” people either grew up in an overly religious household or are simply attention seekers. It is a bit immature. My advice would be to set boundaries with your partner. Your partner may not be aware that they are crossing a line.

Sex positive just seems another expression for an unpleasant person.

She’s not your friend so I’d stop contact now. Your DH is being a twat. Is he really someone you want to stay married to?

No just no. I was going to say if she is a lesbian he may feel more comfortable talking to her because her views her as non threatening. This is a step too far, way too far. If you renamed this thread my friend has told me to peg my husband and has taught him how to clean his butthole there would be a mutiny.

Trying to shame you into changing your mind about preferences when it comes to sex shows she is not your friend.
I thought you would say early 20s at most.
And I new your DH would use the excuse of she isnt in to men so its fine to talk to her about sex. Typical naff excuse .