Fed up of ‘sexual’ dynamic between DP and my friend

[Georgiamayy]

One of my friends is very sex positive and not at all backwards when it comes to discussing things.

There have been countless examples where she has been drinking around DP and I’ve found the conversation a tad inappropriate. DP isn’t someone who I’d describe as overly forthcoming usually but around her he happily talks about sexual things.

I feel like last night crossed a line though. We were out as part of a wider group and my friend drunkenly blurted out how I should give ‘X’ a go. X being a sexual act which I’ve previously told DP I’m not interested in. She was really persistent about it, and when I spoke to DP he admitted they’d had a conversation and it had come up.

Im not sure who I should be more annoyed with, and if I just need to lay down the law now?

wondering how long your partner has been your partner?

Ah i missed this, yes she is might not be physically interested in him but he needs to stop talking to her about your sex life, because of the getting off on the sex talk

People who talk about sex a lot are usually either sex pests or insecure and use sex to get attention.
Id tell your dh it makes you uncomfortable and ask him not to have conversations about sex with your friend anymore.
id also consider if a friend who flirts with your husband is actually a friend.

You missed it because the OP was very badly written. Her friend being a lesbian should have been in the OP and the expression 'sexual dynamic' also makes no sense in this context. People have gone down a wild goose chase of the friend going after the husband because of this important omission/drip feed.

If your friend isn't attracted to men, then she is just another wind up merchant. I've seen it countless times before; a woman who pretends to be sexual and says a lot of sexual things just for shock value, but has no actual intention of actually being sexual.

So you have nothing to worried about in terms of DP, but you just have an annoying friend.

a) she's not a friend
b) she wants your husband
c) your husband is extremely unreasonable in discussing your sex life with her

In your shoes I'd be having a very blunt conversation with husband about boundaries & disclosure of private &/or intimate information and I'd totally cut her out of your life.

Op, your thread says there is a sexual dynamic so you must feel your dp and your friend have a connection.

She sounds awful. Attention seeking, immature - and clearly chatting with your dp unknowst to you. About your sex life.

For that alone she would be gone. Him, I'd probably bin off too. How can you enjoy a sex life knowing he reports back to your friend? And gives you advice on how to please a man?

She isn't your friend. She couldn't make it clearer! Your dp isn't doing too well either.

Really? As a rule lesbians don’t want to shag men. As a sixty year old I can assure you that some do, and sometimes it’s married men. And It may not seem likely but you’d be naive to discount it as a possibility. They have certainly crossed a line in terms of inappropriate sexual conversation.

You need to tell your DP this, and imo, end the “ friendship “ too.

Time to distance yourself, unless the friendship really matters to you, in which case you need to tell her you feel she overstepped and in your opinion it’s not appropriate for her to be discussing your sex life in front of your husband.

Christ, the DISRESPECT?!!

Your 'friend' is a Grade A Pick-Me bitch and she needs telling to back off and STFU. That is NOT how a friend behaves.

I agree that she is putting you down to make herself look better. I take it the trollop is single and a desperate attention whore? There's no other excuse if she's gay, surely?

Your DH is also a twat for entertaining the conversation and sharing personal details.

They have both hugely broken your trust, OP.

I'd be reading the riot act for WEEKS over that shit!

Id bin them both tbh. Grim!

If thats too extreme, then i think id bring up how much he is desperate to be pegged in front of other friends.

Hes fine with humiliating you after all

Sounds like she does not have any (no?) boundaries...especially when drunk

Give her a wide berth

Why are you not more annoyed at your dp?
For discussing with someone else a sex act you've told him you're not interested in.
It's very weird imo and he's out of line.

Your friend is as well but had your dp not said anything to her about it, she wouldn't have had anything to say.

I wouldn't put up with a man who would discuss my sexual preferences with others whether positively or negatively.

It's disrespectful and in appropriate.

He's not intimidated by her at all - he is absolutely loving the attention snd thinks he has a chance regardless of her sexual preference.

You can do better than him.

"Sex positive" is another one of this wanky, "I'm a different, special person who needs endless attention" terms why people use to excuse all sorts of shit.

She has to be absolutely insufferable and her behaviour here isn't the only part of it. There will be more than you find tedious and painful. There always is with people like her.

It's all very well in a close friendship setting to potentially talk about your own sexual experiences or preferences. But not to try and 'suggest' that another person in the group should partake in a sex act they haven't been interested in before. And that she and your bloke were talking about your lack of participation in this act.

Yeah, I'm not surprised you're pissed off. I'd say they're both to blame. But partner shouldn't have brought up what you do or don't do/like. I guess he might have said he liked it, but still it feels like a boundary has been crossed.

Why is he telling her he'd like to try pegging and that you're not into it?

That's you're private business and I'd be even more pissed off with him than I was with her.

DH is to blame for bringing up his fantasies that you don't want to partake in surely?

pegging? nice.

I would tell her to go f* herself and no longer be her friend if I was in your shoes.

Agree with this. Would a male DH friend talk to you similarly then tell your husband how to have sex with his own wife?

This isn't a friend OP.

@Tanya285 exactly not sure why the friend is getting all the blame!

She sounds massively attention-seeking. And her ‘my milkshake brings all the boys to the yard’ style is transparently desperate.

I suspect she’s stirring by blabbing on about the sec act you don’t like. So she’s not a friend.

Time to spend less time with her.

She isnt "sex positive" she's a stupid ignorant twat.

Sex positive doesnt mean trying to persuade someone into doing something sexually that makes them feel uncomfortable. Thats like, the opposite of sex positive.

Both of them are disrespectful idiots and frankly, I'd be considering kicking them both out of my life.

I feel like I live in a parallel dimension to people these days

This 👆

I used to think I was fairly widely travelled, but this is all like farting in a lift. Wrong on many levels.

This

This person is not your friend.

Your DP has VERY poor boundaries. Why is he even engaging in this sort of chat?