To not clean up DH’s sick

[Dollyflip]

DH went out for ‘a few drinks’ last night and rolled in at 1.15am. Our bedroom is downstairs and it’s all open plan downstairs. 11DD slept with me as we are up early for football. DD woke as dog was barking when he got back. Anyway he threw up all over himself on the couch it’s EVERYWHERE. DD was scared and upset as she could hear him just being sick. I went out saying ‘what the heck!!’ And left him to deal with it but he hasn’t. And he just sat saying to me stop being a fuckin prick and sorry. Now he’s fast asleep upstairs with all the sick left everywhere and I have to get up with my DD for football. Should I have cleaned it all up?? Or am I right leaving him to deal with it? I’m going upto him now and telling him he needs to sort it out. I’m so repulsed by him. We are going on holiday weds too but the way I feel now I hate his guts. He hasn’t been sick like this for a long time but has had incidents when hes been drunk which has lead to us nearly splitting up numerous times. I feel to blame as if I had split last time this wouldn’t of happened and my DD wouldn’t be upset!

I would be unable to leave the house in such a state, nor trust anyone else (particularly such an inadequate human being) to clean it to my standard, so would have to do it immediately myself.

I would then use the joint bank account (if there is one - if not, take him to small claims if he refuses to pay) to replace everything that he'd vomited on.

I would then begin divorce proceedings, as this is clearly not a one-off and he obviously has no regard for anyone but himself.

Anyone who treated my child this badly would wish they had never been born.

Agree ! Football something fun and Sunday roast . Leave him to it .

@Dollyflip drinkers like this never change.
You can still leave op

I dealt with my ex’s drunken and abusive behaviour for too long by banning him from the house when he went out drinking. I felt I was setting boundaries so that at least it was not affecting our children.

It didn’t work because as soon as they were grown up, he immediately chose to demonstrate the behaviour to them that I had helped him hide from them for so many years. Leave now, OP. Your children need you to protect them from this disgusting behaviour.

I think it’s calling you a prick for his behaviour that’s the main issue. I think you should be getting things in order to potentially leave him. Definitely keep your dd out fir the day. Could you just take her on holiday?

Drinking when your fasting is never going to end well do in his defence he probably didn’t have an enormous amount to drink

it depends if it’s regular behaviour or a one off
don’t get me wrong I’d be mightily pissed off but we all fuck up from time to time

@Dollyflip
I think that if I was in your shoes I would have to leave for his safety and to stop me from ending up in prison for manslaughter.
Ok I'm exaggerating I would not commit acts of violence, but his response is appalling, I would not dignify any of what he says with a reply.
He's a ridiculous, useless twit.

If a person is fasting then they have no food in their stomach to come up when they vomit, surely 🤷🏼‍♀️

He is not taking any responsibility for getting into the state he was in: he didn't drink much, it was the fasting, you drove him to it.

To my mind him absolving himself from fault is the real issue.

He obviously has a drink problem. And from what you've said about previous incidents it's a long term one. I think it's decision time for you because you really can't expose your poor DD to this type of behaviour

LTB. Just do it this time. Did DD hear what he said to you? She needs to see you very strongly reject being treated like absolute crap and choose better for yourself and for her. He’s revolting.

If this was the first time he had done this AND was genuinely remorseful, I would forgive it.

He would still be cleaning it up, mind. I would also relentlessly take the piss.

But it isn't and he is being a complete dick about it.

He is 51. He has behaved like a teenager, going out and getting senseless, puked everywhere (and my god, if he was fasting and that is just alcohol sick, it will STINK) and if that wasn't bad enough, has sworn at you, blamed you and will undoubtedly sulk at the indignity of being made to scrub up his own vomit.

I couldn't and wouldn't put up with this. If you decide to stay with him, make him stay in a hotel after a night out. A few times of deep cleaning charges and perhaps trying to blame the hotel staff might humiliate him to behave like a grown up.

I mean I’ll be honest - I don’t drink. But if I did and I was that drunk I was throwing up all over myself, I would hope that the person who said they loved me would help me?!

I understand the knee jerk reaction to be like ‘self inflicted, vile, sort it yourself’ but he’s clearly not in any fit state.

Did you miss the bit where he called her a prick?

He’s done this a few times too and ruined loads of mattresses. Thought it was a thing of the past but here we go again!

I remember when my DD used to get in that state occasionally. Her partner who loved her did help. He held her hair back while she was sick in the toilet.

Not all over herself and the furniture

And she then cleaned it up herself

Anyone who gets themselves in that revolting state can absolutely clean it up

Her bio father yes and we also have a DS16 who has slept through it all

Sorry, if he’s getting that drunk he has an alcohol problem. Has he acknowledged this?

I’ve just got back from football and he’s cleaned it up but it still smells and I can see bits he’s missed, it’s even on the wall. I’ve had no apology. Thankfully my daughter didn’t hear what he said last night but has heard him this morning. Sadly her homework was on the tray on the pouffe that he threw up all over.
He can be nasty when he’s drunk and I really don’t like him when he is.
yesterday I was thinking of leaving him as I’m not happy and then this happens, it’s like God giving me a sign!
After we nearly split last year I’ve started working full time again. My salary isn’t great but I love the job. He earns what I earn in a year in a month - so he thinks him earning money is enough in our marriage but it’s not.
He repulses me.
We are away next week and as much as I don’t want him to go he’s so stubborn he won’t not go and my daughter is looking forward to it.
Anyway he’s not apologetic and keeps saying ‘you’re sick when you’ve been drinking’ Yes in a toilet when I’m hungover the morning after and that’s been rare! I’m only 42, and I’ve been with him since 23 and I think I’m done!

Absolutely not! I only clean up after someone if they are genuinely ill, not self inflicted alcohol poisoning. He should clean it up himself and apologise to you and DD.

Used to have same issue with a ex of mine except it was other end I literally had to clean faeces up off the floor and carpet as he was too wasted to maje it to toilet, plus wash clothes and bedding I eventually said stop going out and he resented me and got nasty used to drink at home on a sat sun night instead and I wished he would goout then!!!
I eventually left as it turned nasty and he kicked me and punched me on one occasion, such men you cannot change I'd embarrass him tell his family members or a friend ask if they think it's reasonable, as unless he sees it isn't no hope of him changing,
If its his daughter you've got a good few years of good maintenance, go love save up abit first and try stash some household bits away new towels bedding etc etc etc

Honestly OP, be strategic here.
Perhaps tell the school the truth, pictures would have been a good idea to take.
Will he be a prick with custody?
If so I would email the school what has happened and ask for their kindness and understanding for your daughter re her homework.
The smell of alcohol vomit is vile.
Bicarbonate of soda is a good neutraliser in hot water and washing liquid.
Take photos now.
Tell him to do it again.
This IS a sign, get out and protect your child from this.

Christ! Does anyone actually want to be stuck away with him? Isn't he likely to be a drunken pig then too?
Poor children ☹️.

Absolutely he cleans it up. It's been a while since DH was sick like that but the time he was after a Christmas party and threw up all over the bathroom I left it. I just went out in the morning and left him to it.

Based on your updates you are right to be working. Make sure you are building up some savings he doesnt know about.

He has a drinking problem. Sooner or later this is going to catch up with his health, and maybe his work performance and ability to high earn (which may be something he holds over you?)

There is the outside chance there's something wrong - he's drinking to cover up pain, sadness, fear etc. Might be worth investigating that. If you feel this is something you want to continue inflicting on yourself and your children while he does or does not try working on dealing with it.

But he's in his fifties now, nearly ten years older than you. He has a habit, he's set in his ways and probably won't change.

Instead of acknowledging it, he did a classic bit of DARVO 'whataboutery'. Blamed it on you. 'If you hadn't (insert bullshit) I wouldn't have (insert further bullshit)'

He is disgusting and unsanitary. This isn't new. He's pissed on mattresses and now puked all over your family room including your daughter's homework.

He didn't clear it up asap, left it for ages, didn't do it properly. Now the room smells and items will be damaged from the acid. And it was somehow your fault.

So what do you want?

My ex used to get really nasty when he was drunk. Always promised he would stop, did for a bit, and then back on it again.

Life's too short, and it does affect your kids.
Your life will be so much happier without him.

I mean I’d have cleaned it up just because people who are so drunk they are vomiting don’t tend to have the capacity to clean it up properly and I wouldn’t want it festering and making the house stink or ruining fabrics. I would have been extremely angry though and he would have had to make it up to me in a big way.

As someone who has had a drinking problem it’s very very difficult to limit yourself to sensible amounts. That’s why I no longer drink at all… I’d suggest he should do the same.