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AIBU?

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Original poster

To not clean up DH’s sick

308 replies

Dollyflip · 19/10/2025 07:45

DH went out for ‘a few drinks’ last night and rolled in at 1.15am. Our bedroom is downstairs and it’s all open plan downstairs. 11DD slept with me as we are up early for football. DD woke as dog was barking when he got back. Anyway he threw up all over himself on the couch it’s EVERYWHERE. DD was scared and upset as she could hear him just being sick. I went out saying ‘what the heck!!’ And left him to deal with it but he hasn’t. And he just sat saying to me stop being a fuckin prick and sorry. Now he’s fast asleep upstairs with all the sick left everywhere and I have to get up with my DD for football. Should I have cleaned it all up?? Or am I right leaving him to deal with it? I’m going upto him now and telling him he needs to sort it out. I’m so repulsed by him. We are going on holiday weds too but the way I feel now I hate his guts. He hasn’t been sick like this for a long time but has had incidents when hes been drunk which has lead to us nearly splitting up numerous times. I feel to blame as if I had split last time this wouldn’t of happened and my DD wouldn’t be upset!

OP posts:
PuggyPuggyPuggy · 19/10/2025 08:42

I can't deal with sick, I'd have to burn down the house.

hididdlyho · 19/10/2025 08:44

He hasn’t been sick like this for a long time but has had incidents when hes been drunk which has lead to us nearly splitting up numerous times. I feel to blame as if I had split last time this wouldn’t of happened and my DD wouldn’t be upset!

Listen to your instincts. If he's reached 51 years old and still hasn't mastered knowing how much he can drink or gained the emotional maturity to be apologetic and proactive at cleaning when he fucks up, it's not going to get better. None of this is your fault, so don't feel guilty for your DD, you've tried to give him a chance to change his behaviour and it's him who's chosen to put alcohol before his family.

EvelynBeatrice · 19/10/2025 08:45

Make sure to take photographs. You’ll need evidence to support your contention post divorce that he has an alcohol problem and is unfit to be in solo charge of children.

Catsknowbest · 19/10/2025 08:46

PuggyPuggyPuggy · 19/10/2025 08:42

I can't deal with sick, I'd have to burn down the house.

Fair enough 😅🙈

Createausername1970 · 19/10/2025 08:47

I am not disagreeing with the sentiment that he should do it himself, my concern would be that if you go out for the day and he doesn't, it's going to stain badly and smell, especially if you are going to leaving the house unaired for a week or so.

Drinking too much and being sick - I can't be too prissy about it as I have done the same in the past, but somehow I always managed to get it into a container of some description if there was no loo available (word of warning - check that the spare carrier bag in the glove compartment doesn't have those little holes in the bottom).

Tiswa · 19/10/2025 08:48

Rewis · 19/10/2025 08:36

A grown man drinking so much that he throws up is not ideal, but sometimes you over do it and as long as it is not a frequent thing, fine.

But he is being an asshole about it. Leave him to it. He can clean it up, you can go on about your day. He doesn't have to get nasty

This the unforgivable thing is his attitude and I wouldn’t get over that at all

Footloosefiona · 19/10/2025 08:49

hididdlyho · 19/10/2025 08:44

He hasn’t been sick like this for a long time but has had incidents when hes been drunk which has lead to us nearly splitting up numerous times. I feel to blame as if I had split last time this wouldn’t of happened and my DD wouldn’t be upset!

Listen to your instincts. If he's reached 51 years old and still hasn't mastered knowing how much he can drink or gained the emotional maturity to be apologetic and proactive at cleaning when he fucks up, it's not going to get better. None of this is your fault, so don't feel guilty for your DD, you've tried to give him a chance to change his behaviour and it's him who's chosen to put alcohol before his family.

This ^

Anon501178 · 19/10/2025 08:50

Bin him OP.
He sounds abusive, lazy and selfish....to call you a 'fucking prick' and not care that he has ruined the house like that.
You even having to debate whether he or you should clean it up tells me he is used to being allowed to disrespect you.
This is no environment for your poor kids.
He clearly has a drinking problem and needs to deal with it.
Any decent partner would likely not behave like that in the first place and if they were sick like that would be mortified and taking full responsibility to clear it up.

JamesWebbSpaceTelescope · 19/10/2025 08:54

I had dreadful norovirus once and threw up everywhere as I had zero warning I was going to be sick. I felt like all my insides were trying to make a rush for the nearest exit.

I still managed to clean it all. Husband was banned from the room (to minimise chance of him getting it) and just left the cleaning supplies.

I managed to do all that without swearing at anyone or blaming them …. That is a choice.

KimHwn · 19/10/2025 08:55

It's really worrying that our drinking culture means that many of these posts are choosing to make the point that it's puking on the sofa that's unacceptable, and that drinking until you are sick is normal and acceptable. Not having a go, I've done it myself, but fuck, it's so weird isn't it. Imagine if we normalised eating until we were sick in the same way.

Footloosefiona · 19/10/2025 08:58

KimHwn · 19/10/2025 08:55

It's really worrying that our drinking culture means that many of these posts are choosing to make the point that it's puking on the sofa that's unacceptable, and that drinking until you are sick is normal and acceptable. Not having a go, I've done it myself, but fuck, it's so weird isn't it. Imagine if we normalised eating until we were sick in the same way.

I agree,

OP needs to leave this sorry excuse for a man before she has to be nursemaid to someone with liver failure.

MyAcornWood · 19/10/2025 08:58

PuggyPuggyPuggy · 19/10/2025 08:42

I can't deal with sick, I'd have to burn down the house.

Why did they get rid of the laughing reaction?! 😂

1apenny2apenny · 19/10/2025 08:59

The line I take in these situations is to say nothing. I would assume that a grown adult would have enough respect that they would clean it up themselves, properly, and apologise profusely.

In your situation I would have just gone to football and then a coffee and if I had arrived back snd it wasn’t done then I would ask when it was going to be done as the house stinks.

thisishowloween · 19/10/2025 09:01

He's revolting. I couldn't stay in a relationship with a man like this - what kind of example is it setting for your DD?

LittleMoreLegAction · 19/10/2025 09:02

What an animal. Your poor daughter too.

jeaux90 · 19/10/2025 09:04

I think I could forgive 1 time incident (as long as he cleared it up) but the “you made me do it” …..I would be apoplectic about that. When he’s sober you read him the riot act.

CuddlyPug · 19/10/2025 09:06

I am amazed when you said he was 51. I suppose it might be almost acceptable in a teenager but at 51 years old he should know his limits and frankly be past the vomiting on the furniture stage. In your circumstances I would probably clean it up purely to preserve the value of the house to get the best price when you're divorcing.

justasking111 · 19/10/2025 09:06

My friend went to stay with her mother saying I'll come home when you've cleaned up. Four days it took him. He had to throw out the bedding, mattress and hire a carpet cleaner.

Gibstub · 19/10/2025 09:08

Let him clean it up. Disgusting behaviour

Owly11 · 19/10/2025 09:08

Sorry did he call you a fucking prick or you called him a fucking prick? Either way is not ideal but if it was him calling you a fucking prick for asking him to clean up his vomit then he needs to do some serious grovelling today.

rainbowstardrops · 19/10/2025 09:09

You said you’ve nearly split up several times because of this sort of behaviour. Together with the way he speaks to you and the way he’s blaming you, I’d be seriously considering your options. He’s vile.

ArticSea · 19/10/2025 09:12

what a fucking disgusting pig! Let me clean it up and replace anything that needs replacing? How much did he drink to puke all over the place? is this a regular occurrence/does he have a drinking problem?

artherbrownlow · 19/10/2025 09:14

What a horrible man. It's not even the vomiting everywhere, it is his swearing at you and then being nasty to you, almost blaming you for it when he is forced to clear it up. I cannot believe this is the only thing he does that is unpleasant and gaslight-y. You do not have to put up with this.

Whatado · 19/10/2025 09:14

No I wouldn't have left him to clean it.

  1. Because their was a child in the house who deserves not to wake up to a living room in that state. Since he wasn't capable, I wouldn't allow it to prove a point.
  2. I would be furious about it and deal with it today when he was sober and after my child had gotten out to football with out being stressed.

Once something like that happens and their are kids in the house they are the priority not point scoring and proving a point .

Would I end my relationship over it, not for a once off but it doesn't seem to be a once of and the way he spoke to you this morning sounds like the relationship is done. It certainly isnt one with respect in it.

QuickPeachPoet · 19/10/2025 09:21

Behaving like this when your child is in the house is disgusting.
Take her out all day and come back only when it's sorted.

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