To not clean up DH’s sick

[Dollyflip]

DH went out for ‘a few drinks’ last night and rolled in at 1.15am. Our bedroom is downstairs and it’s all open plan downstairs. 11DD slept with me as we are up early for football. DD woke as dog was barking when he got back. Anyway he threw up all over himself on the couch it’s EVERYWHERE. DD was scared and upset as she could hear him just being sick. I went out saying ‘what the heck!!’ And left him to deal with it but he hasn’t. And he just sat saying to me stop being a fuckin prick and sorry. Now he’s fast asleep upstairs with all the sick left everywhere and I have to get up with my DD for football. Should I have cleaned it all up?? Or am I right leaving him to deal with it? I’m going upto him now and telling him he needs to sort it out. I’m so repulsed by him. We are going on holiday weds too but the way I feel now I hate his guts. He hasn’t been sick like this for a long time but has had incidents when hes been drunk which has lead to us nearly splitting up numerous times. I feel to blame as if I had split last time this wouldn’t of happened and my DD wouldn’t be upset!

He sounds like a piece of shit

No. I'd clean up if he was unwell but he brought it on himself.

He’s blaming you? Urgh. At least if he apologised and was mortified whilst cleaning it all up there might be some hope.

A man who is unable to apologise and take responsibility isn’t much of a husband. No one would judge you for walking away from this one OP.

Yeah he’s an idiot, if I threw up on everything, DH would clean it up but I would be really apologetic and embarrassed.

No fckn way would i clean this and i'd be plotting my escape because he doesnt care about his daughter's fear and mortification and has a stinking attitude about it! NONE of it says respectful, loving partner or good, respectable dad 😡

Personally, I'd take dd to football and leave it. if he hasn't cleaned it by the time you get back I'd turn around and walk back out and have a day out with dd somewhere, park, food etc. I guess you know where you stand in the pecking order then too don't you. He should be profusely apologising for his behaviour and cleaning it up immediately..

He sounds like a loser tbh. Can't believe he's trying to blame you. Your kids deserve better than this.

Ugh. Your update made my skin crawl. Divorce his vile arse. My ex used to get obliterated on alcohol and coke, and when I challenged him he claimed he drank like that because I was so difficult to live with. I solved both our problems by divorcing him and never seeing him again.

Is dd his?

Your poor daughter, so upsetting and confusing, of course she was scared.
He sounds nasty and abusive.
Time to plan your exit, for real.

Oh well if you are "always going on at him" such that you drive him to drink he'll be happy to split then won't he?

I also couldn't be married to someone stupid enough to fast & drink.

If this is a reoccurring issue, then take this latest incident as your ‘moment’ to separate.
How horrible for the DC.

His reaction? No. You deserve so much better than this OP.

If he wants to behave like this he can live on his own and solve his own problems including cleaning up his own bodily fluids and waste. He wouldn't have you there to be a convenient scapegoat then.

Yes he needs to clean it up, you shouldn’t have to do it. If he’s up cleaning it and you were stood over him ‘going on’ I can see why he’s snapped and got defensive. I don’t agree with any of his behaviour but you should of told him to clean it and left him to it

If he cannot control his bodily functions when he’s been drinking then it’s time to stop surely?

Eurgh, this is gross. I’d have woken DH up and made him clean it up immediately.

Pathetic. We had 50 17 year olds partying hard here last night. Not one of them was sick and they cleared the place up before they left. Your Dh should be ashamed

I would suggest he cleans what he can and finds an emergency same-day fabric cleaning service to fix your furniture. My DH spilt beer all over my gorgeous velvet sofa a couple of months ago, and it cost £200 for a same-day clean, which to be fair, was amazing and the furniture came up good as new. If he won't do this, he is supremely selfish, but do it yourself anyway because dried in sick on your things is revolting.

Same. Vividly remember the scenario of being in my bedroom and desperately needing morning wee but everywhere was covered in vomit and I didn’t know what to do. If it’s a repeated occurrence then it’s abusive.

That would be permanent ick. Most people grow out of this kind behaviour at about age 20. Trying to blame it on you is the icing on the cake.

He needs to pay for a new couch. The smell will linger.

You are not his mother. Wake him up and point him to the cleaning cupboard. He sounds like a total dick, and not remotely responsible.

The man needs to clean up his own vomit. Honestly I can’t think of any woman who would drunkenly puke on the furniture and just leave it, expecting someone else to clear it up for her . Yet this seems to be a repeated theme for men.
It would be different if he vomited due to illness - ( not drink)- I have certainly helped my DP when he had norovirus to clean up. ( but he didn’t expect me to and was doing his best to deal with it himself despite being weak as a kitten the time)
But OP - this is disgusting behaviour especially when he knows his 11 yr old daughter will witness it.

The drinking/being sick is bad enough but the gas lightening is another thing - let along swearing at your and dd being scared

if you were having concerns before now is the time to act on it

I totally get it. No one wants their marriage to end and due to drink /anger issues but the situation isn’t ending

I put up with it for too long and kicked dh out last year and now going through divorce

no I didn’t want to be a single parent and yes it’s hard - equally I don’t walk on Egg shells now - and dd and I have a happy house where she says is no shouting

Oh wow, he gets hammered whilst fasting. He sounds like a teenager when theyve behaved badly. Id be furious. Like everyone else, Ive been sick before but always in the loo. Abs no excuse for his behaviour.