To not clean up DH’s sick

[Dollyflip]

DH went out for ‘a few drinks’ last night and rolled in at 1.15am. Our bedroom is downstairs and it’s all open plan downstairs. 11DD slept with me as we are up early for football. DD woke as dog was barking when he got back. Anyway he threw up all over himself on the couch it’s EVERYWHERE. DD was scared and upset as she could hear him just being sick. I went out saying ‘what the heck!!’ And left him to deal with it but he hasn’t. And he just sat saying to me stop being a fuckin prick and sorry. Now he’s fast asleep upstairs with all the sick left everywhere and I have to get up with my DD for football. Should I have cleaned it all up?? Or am I right leaving him to deal with it? I’m going upto him now and telling him he needs to sort it out. I’m so repulsed by him. We are going on holiday weds too but the way I feel now I hate his guts. He hasn’t been sick like this for a long time but has had incidents when hes been drunk which has lead to us nearly splitting up numerous times. I feel to blame as if I had split last time this wouldn’t of happened and my DD wouldn’t be upset!

No, I read that!

I reckon if I was somehow sick on myself and someone didn’t help me I would think they were a prick too 😅

It’s not a choice is it. No reasonable person thinks to themselves ‘do you know what - I’m going to be sick all over myself and then all over the sofa, so I can smell it every time I sit down for all of eternity’ 🙄🤦🏻‍♀️

Each to their own I guess.

The vomit is disgusting but it's his attitude that's worse.

My husband would be mortified, and the clean up would be spotless. Charitably, shit happens and it doesn't necessarily mean it's a return to the old days of this being a regular occurrence - but he should still be remorseful and diligent, not resentful and petulant.

I'm so sorry you're feeling this way about your marriage.

I worked eith someone whoes wife came to bed drunk then puked by the side of the bed, in to the fan and apparently it went everywhere acrosd the room, he came to work and told us about it.
I mean occassionally sick happens to people (luckily not outside of a toilet in our house ), bad drinks combo, people buying rounds of shots etc, but he needs to clean it up.

He’s utterly disgusting.
I would be so very angry 😠 but would need to clean it up because it will stink and ruin your furniture .
Also the dog might lick it 🤢

I would be done too. The act itself is horrendous, but the fact he's not cleaned it up properly and has the audacity to try and deflect blame on to you in any way shape or form tells you everything you need to know. I wouldn't go on holiday with him, I would leave. Life is far too short for this. This is not the kind of behaviour you want your daughter growing up to think is acceptable in relationships.

I can't get over the fact that he is so unapologetic - I think this sort of thing is quite disgusting. I also can't understand why he couldn't get to the bathroom. When I was a child it was drummed into me that if I was going to be sick, I jolly well had to control myself until I got to the bathroom! People don't seem to have any self-control these days.

You and your children deserve better OP.

Please consider getting support from al-anonuk.org.uk/

Only you can decide when you have had enough

mine was last year and dh necked neat vodka infront of dd6 at 330pm and knew things would not change

no he didn’t throw up and ruin mattress but was emotionally abusive esp when drunk

prick was used often to me

I should have ended things before but you hope and wish that they will change

they say they will. Say sorry. Say they don’t want to drink. They won’t drink

18mths later dh soon to be ex as divorce is going through still drinks

he won’t change @Dollyflip

I'd say that the huge income disparity is a big part of why this man feels he can do whatever he likes, he feels he owns op because he is the one providing most of the money.

Yuck, what a moron. Did you really not want to do better than trash like that

I second this.

You could always play the long game, stand back and let him drink himself to death.
Might not take long if you can also facilitate any other unhealthy habits that he might be prone to.

He cleans up. If it’s not done when you get home book into a hotel.

How did you/he clean the vomit from the mattress? Did you give it a good soak and scrub with a wet cloth? Shake N Vac type things can just mask the smell.

I would say that this, plus this morning and the fact he's done it before, are all signs that this is somebody with an issue with alcohol. Over the years, all the people (men and women btw) I've known who did stuff like this, turned out to have alcohol issues which at some point, caused the disintegration of their personal and working lives. When we were in our 20s, we'd be like, 'oh what are they like' after these type of incidents, but now I look back, it was definitely a warning sign of people who just have no off switch for alcohol. Its easily dismissed in the UK because alcohol is such a large part of our culture, but what you are describing is not a healthy relationship with alcohol. Could he stop drinking do you think? The partner of somebody I knew always denied they had an issue. Said they could stop anytime they liked. Just didn't want to. After one incident, they said they would have some alcohol free weeks. But then there was always a reason why this week wasn't the right week. After about 3 months, they admitted/realised that they couldn't actually go a week without alcohol, and that that was a problem, they went to see somebody to do something about it. Wishing you luck.

He sounds repulsive, both for this, for failing to clean up properly, and for his attitude towards you. You and your kids deserve better.

Can you start the divorce process on-line? Tomorrow go to the bank and draw out half of what is in the joint account. Get your ducks in a row.

Also, hire a professional cleaning company to do an emergency deep clean while you and DD are staying in a hotel away from the stench. Pay for all this from his half of the joint account.

Good luck.

I think grown adults should clean up their own vomit.

Get legal advice re getting him out safely.

He sounds vile.

You will be well rid of him eventually hopefully. Don't waste what's left of your life on him.

I would not be going on holiday with him. He can go and take the children if they want to go. You could stay home and start getting organised for divorce.

You have reached that point where you have had enough. There is no point even trying to talk about it with him.

We've never been sick anywhere except the bathroom even when we've had gastroenteritis. Not only was he sick everywhere he was then vile to you.

I wouldn't have this. He's telling you what your place is.

Blimey that's shocking. I agree tell the school the truth about the homework.

I'd be gone.

If you’re at the point of being repulsed then 100% it’s over.

Pissing and puking. Ruining couches and mattresses. That’s just rank. I get the disgust.

Glad you have a FT job. Time to see a solicitor?

kick the fucker out and then call women’s aid and register for the group sessions to learn about domestic abuse and how to not put yourself and your children through this again x

Get child maintenance off him. Two DC, 20% of his net salary minimum.

And he can contribute toward holidays, uniforms, school trips.